I am 56 my husband died age 65 of a sudden heart attack , 16 weeks ago , I am in Devon and my family are in Liverpool , I have one son age 28 he is here with me in Devon his father my ex husband was found dead in his flat in January although no great loss to me ( he wasn’t nice ) he was still my sons father and he lost his ,father and step dad with in 3 months , I too went on holiday with my son , and yes I have friends in Devon but miss my family now so much , I am going to Liverpool in a few weeks time and again at Christmas the thought of spending the first Christmas with out my husband in this house , and the future without him is something that fills me with dread x
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I know how you feel. My brain darts ahead. I cant imagine my life without my husband but yet he is gone. The pain and heart ache is so bad. I know i have to do it for my daughter but i just crave his company just him been around.
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It is a wonderful forum. I am reading posts that I truly understand. I am at one month now and having a bad day. I do wonder what the point of it all is but I do have a lovely family and wouldn’t want to do anything silly.
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Awww poll I am almost seven weeks in its so hard isnt it sending you a Hug jo xx
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Thank you jevncute, yes so so hard. I feel lost.
Hug back xx
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Yes I know that feeling nothing seems worth it or important anymore. The tears are never ending and the pain is relentless. Hugs Jo xxx
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Just at the moment it is so hard to stop crying. My family are off on their holidays tomorrow and it would have been our anniversary on Sunday x
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Aww Poll i am so sorry, do you have anyone else. If you are like me I dont. How many years Poll mine was our 16th on the 2nd of Aug xxx
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Feeling your pain and sending a huge virul hug xx
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I hope you managed to cope on 2nd August, you probable feel even worse on these days. I do have friends coming back from holidays and a good friend coming on our anniversary day but I won’t be very good company. There are lots of offers saying let us know if we can do anything. I would prefer a text asking if I was ok. I would feel uncomfortable just asking for help xx
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Thank you Miami, not a good day today xx
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I have to be honest it was better than i was thinking it was going to be. I wont see it was easy as that would be a lie. But if i can do it anyone can. It doent matter what company you are. You just be you. I have no close friend i gavent seen anyone today . And thats most days for me. Xc
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Hi @jevncute @Poll6 @Gmc2004 and @Miamoo2017
Its very early days for all of you.
I’m 24 weeks tomorrow and I am coping much better now.
I have bad days, of course I do, but they are not so often and I can cope with them easier.
I miss Roger terribly and I always will, he fills my heart and my mind constantly. I think about him all the time and talk to him frequently
You will all get to a place where you find you are coping.
And no I wouldn’t have believed it either at the stage you’re at now.
Big hugs to you all
Liz x x
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I hate the thought of xmas without my man he was so happy couple weeks ago when one of the girls i work with asked if she could work it and me be off as it was my turn to work thus year xx
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Thank Liro i am really hoping so because at the moment there seems no point to anythig. It takes me all my time to shower. I dread every moment of every day. And i hate the lonilness. My mind is on over drive all the time . I like you all just want my life back. Xxx
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Got through the interment of my husband’s ashes. Lovely little service and he’s in a very peaceful setting.
Just got to decide on a headstone and words.
I know he’s gone and I know he’s not coming back but somehow I can’t get my brain to process this. I love him so much 
. To go from the happiest 10 years of my life to the worst time ever is indescribable. At the moment I just don’t know how to deal with it. I want the tears to stop but they get worse. I feel like my life has ended. There’s nothing left for me. It’s all pointless. 
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Why are mornings so difficult. I get up determined to get on with things and within ten minutes I’m a mess. Uncontrollable tears 
. General feeling of uselessness. No point in anything. Don’t want to do anything but know there are things that need to be done.
My stepson is a pharmacist and usually brings my medication (brought his dad’s as well). He’s been off work since his dad died (needs his brain in gear for the job he does and didn’t feel up to it). He is going back next week but I have said I’ll go and collect my medication. It means I have to get in the car (on my own) and drive (on my own). I’m not looking forward to the drive with no-one sitting beside me. I took the car out last Sunday - just round the block to make sure it was running OK - and all the way because the love of my life wasn’t beside me.
His daughter needs him at the moment for personal reasons - I need him to be here - for her and for me - and he’s been taken away from us and people wonder why I’m so angry - NOT WITH HIM - he didn’t have a choice.
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Every morning I get up with such good intentions but they never amount to anything, I spend my days searching for answers or something to help ease the pain. And I know there is nothing that is ever going to help. Its a time we have to go through the tears fall fast and the hurt is so immense. I hope we all find peace and some sort of happiness at some point. But at the moment life seems pointless. Sending you hugs Jo xxx
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I’ve just been out for lunch with my stepdaughter, which was lovely. However, the place we went to, my husband and I had said we must go for a meal as it’s not far from home - we never made it and it upsets me to think of what might have been.
She doesn’t live locally, just over an hours drive away so she left not long ago. Guess what - absolute meltdown . I think it’s because he was always here when she came over or when his son called and now he’s not and I don’t want to be here - I want to be with him. We have a double cremation plot so that I can join him when the time comes. When I mention it’s a double plot I’m greeted with “that won’t be for a long time yet” or “we don’t think about that for ages”. I wouldn’t do anything silly but I really don’t want to hang around, on my own, for the next however many years. Life has no meaning for me now.
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I know the feeling Harriet its so bloody hard. Its nice to have company but going home to an empty house is hell. Xxx
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