Wow i haven’t had any dreams of Gra yet. Xx
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I had a dream after my brother in was killed, he came down from the sky in a digger he was dressed in a light grey jogging suit smiled never spoke then walked away. X
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That was the only dream i ever had and it was before his funeral x
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Well that’s something else that dream isn’t it , it made me smile x
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I look at her pictures and it’s almost like she’s here. Im so hardwired into her talking and mannerisms that it was all taken for granted.
Why didn’t I love her more when we had the chance. Dementia became such a burden that I just thought how it impacted on me, not her.
I’m such a selfish so and so and it could’ve been so different. My regrets are that i could’ve been different but I wasn’t and there’s no way I can make amends. I’ve written her a letter, put it into the grave, I say sorry to her picture, nothing helps really. I’ve spent 30 odd years with someone and it feels odd and strange to live like this.
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Harriet4bill I’ve just read this and my heart broke for you lovely and i know how hard it is to carry on without him. It’s been 12 weeks Sunday since my darling man died 
I’ve got my 20 year old son at home and beautiful daughters and grandchildren to keep me going and my son is autistic and has lost two dads and i have to fight for him. Do you not have any other family or friends to help you and life is horrible without my husband so i really do understand. Sending hugs 
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I relate to what you say. My partner died 12 months ago. I have no family either. I never hear from his son as we did not get on. His daughter phones me occasionally. The stress of dealing with all of the arrangements made me ill. I hate living on my own and after 41 years with my partner I was used to company. Living alone again makes me very anxious and depressed. It is horrible isn’t it.
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I think we all live with regrets its al the small ifs that get me. Its 10 weeks today since my darling fell asleep. I hate sundays with a passion . He went in hospital on a Sunday died on a Sunday then a week later on a Sunday our little dog Bobby died. Hospital robbed me of weeks when he should have been home. I have drafted a letter to pals as there was so many things that where wrong. I miss him with every heart beat. Hugs Jo xxx
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Its been a awful year Alison . I am hoping they are both together as Gra and Bobby were inseparable. Bobby could twist Gra around his little paw. Xxx
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Gra couldnt be brought home the last wek he was in there he detorated so fast, they said he would die if they tried .it was awful and horrendous I get flashbacks to his last day it was awful and so hard to see.hugs for your losses to. Heres hoping we all find happiness in some way or other. Xxc
Pat91, I understand exactly. I’m just coming up to the first anniversary of my husband’s death on 19th September. We were together for 50 years and mostly happy years. He had a sudden illness just before Xmas 2022 and spent Xmas in hospital away from us all for the first time. Of course we visited him there but it was weird. He was in and out of hospital for 10 months, so we gave him a double Xmas/birthday celebration in April on his 77th birthday. He loved that. Sadly he wasn’t here for Xmas last year.
I’ve been finding life very lonely and stressful. He used to deal with most bills so it’s a rapid learning curve for me. I have children who try to help but at the end of the day I’m here in our house alone, with our dog. I honestly believe that if my children and grandchildren were not here then I’d have joined him months ago. This existence is just a waste when we had great plans for our future. I decided yesterday to spend some savings and treat myself. Thought it would make me feel better but it hasn’t.
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Bless you Pat the all process from start to ginish is hard. The lonilness is such a killer the longing to hold there hand and kiss there lips is painful beyond words. Hugs Jo xxx
How long is it Alison since you lost you partner. Mine is 10 weeks today I hate every moment of been alone higs Jo xxx
I am still crying 10 weeks later i hate the lonilness and him not been here to hold me. Xxx
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Oh jevncute. I’m almost nine weeks down the line and the tears flow every morning without fail. 
I seem to be worse now than I was a few weeks ago. I don’t know about you but I find it worse at weekends, not that it’s much better during the week.
Trouble is, what can we do. Sometimes I just feel like giving up, life’s not worth living. Like you, I miss my Bill so much. I’m doing stuff because I have to not because I want to - what’s the point. Does it ever get any better. Some say it does but at the moment I can’t see it.
Sending you my love and hugs 
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My wife died a year ago next week. Does it get better?
I think it does in that the memories are not so raw and we get used to the loneliness ( what else can we do?) but I find I have moments where something triggers me off and I’m a crying mess.
People don’t really understand if they haven’t been through this. I’m considered over it by the family but in private I long so much for her it hurts. We have to tough it out ( what else can we do?) I’m afraid because the alternative is to give up and I’m too much of a coward to end it all. And I’m sure my wife, if she was here now, would say “ don’t be so stupid Peter “ “stay strong to actively honour my memory “ “ whose going to look after our home, visit my grave”
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Why do people, even those close to us, just not get it.?
The one’s closest to me, my daughters, make light of their mum not being around any more. Perhaps it’s protective thing, otherwise it would be a dreadful heartbreaking emotion.
In a few more days it will be a year since my darling died and I’m dreading it. But there have been other anniversaries as well that upset me. The day she went into the care home and left our home forever. The dementia diagnosis when our lives officially changed.
All these have to be faced alone. No one can really understand the emotions of those memories.
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Hi Jody,
You hit the nail on the head, tiredness with having to do everything yourself and trying to make decisions is driving me mad at the moment. Its so helpful to know someone else knows exactly what I mean, hope you have some better days ahead. My husband passed 11 months ago and I had coped not too bad but now I seem to be going backwards.
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I really dont understand peoples reactions more so family, its as after a few weeks nearly 11 for me you are suppose to be ok.
Life goes on I have been told and yes thats true. But our lives as we have known them have ended.
Every day brings ne challenges things we took for granted no longer exist.
I like everyone else on here just want my life back. I feel guilty for smiling 
even laughing with my 3 yr old grandaughter brings pain as he isn’t here to share it.
Hugs Jo xxx
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I don’t think anyone can understand all what we are going through losing a partner, unless it has happened to them. I have to admit I have friends who lost their husbands before I did and although I was compassionate, supportive and understanding until it happened to me I had no clue of what it does to you.
It’s the old saying that you can’t walk in someone else’s shoes until you have worn them.
I have however learnt through all this to choose my friends more carefully.
Death can bring out the very worse in people too so I protect myself now with who I show my vulnerability to
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