Sorry for jumping on your band wagon, but I hurt so much, my darling mam passed on 14th august, the hurt is unreal! 
Much love to you all xx
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I have one sister but she has got 9 grandkids 2 with Autism which keeps her busy , she carnt drive ,i drive so everything falls on me , sometimes its so overwhelming but just got to keep on going to keep everyone else afloat x
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I really know how you feel. My husband went to look after our friends dog. He went up our drive, said âbye see you Wednesday, love youâ. Never saw him again!!! Found dead next day, no goodbyes. I sometimes think I am going mad. I donât feel Iâm moving on. I spend most of my time crying, shouting at the world. I miss him soooooooo much.
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Hi have just lost my wife of 34 years and i loved her with all.my heart and we promised we would go together and am the same i feel angry alone etc i get it and am so sorry you have lost your wonderful husband i really am x
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My heart goes out to you, my wife died on the 1st of this month and I am all at sea without a paddle. Not a nice place to be, I feel redundant now from life and totally lost. I will soldier on and look after myself to look after the kids as they are now my mission in life. Even though they are all grown up and living their own lives I will still keep an eye on them Figen would like that.
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Itâs the strangest thing but when I visit her woodland grave I do know that itâs just the remains of her body in there but somehow I feel itâs the closest Iâll ever get to being with her again.
As itâs woodland and usually on my own I lie next to her and place my hand on the mound and just talk and imagine that Iâm placing my hand on her as a way of saying itâs okay, Iâm here.
Is this weird or unhealthy? Iâm not sure. I gaze up at the sky and try to be calm.
I wish I could let go a bit more. I just live in hope that itâll get easier as time goes by but alternatively I donât want to lose that level of longing that keeps me close to her as I remember as it was only yesterday
Peter
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I went to the cemetery yesterday and sat on my first husbandâs grave and talked to him as if he was still there. Then I visited the rose bed where my second husbandâs ashes were scattered and had another chat.
Probably seems strange. I carried out their last wishes regarding what kind of arrangements there were.
Probably seems strange that I loved them both equally.
We just do what we have to do. If something brings comfort, I do it. If something is painful, I avoid it like the plague.
And I couldnât give a toss what anyone else thinks.
Xx
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Whatever works x
It is your choice and nothing to do with anyone else x
Sending a big hug xx
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Morning I have my first husbands ashes in a planter with a rose and Gras ashes in my living room and I talk to both so if its strange then so am I. I loved them both equally. Xxx
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Whatever is right for you is right.
Who are we to judge what othets do and what gives them comfort.
I still have Rogers ashes, until I decide what to do with them.
I talk to him constantly, not just to the ashes but to his photos as well. And sometimes just to the air
Love and hugs
X x
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Me to Liro as daft as it sounds even to a teddy Gra bought me.
Nothing is right or wrong just what brings you comfort is what I say.
Hugs Jo xxx
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Iâm not sure how you all cope. I canât -
3 months on -
âtheyâ said it would get easier,
âTheyâ said time is a great healer
âTheyâ said family will get you through
âTheyâ said find new hobbies
âTheyâ said immerse yourself in
Gardening
Friendships
Family
Etc etc
âTHEYâ. have no idea
3 months on and I canât cope. I feel worse every day.
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We understand.
3 months is no time at all
Just be kind to yourself.
Cry if you want, crying is good.
Weâre all here to listen anytime
Sending a big hug
X x
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Three months is still early, raw days. I am only about a month ahead of you. Xx
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.its 15 weeks tomorrow for me. Yesterday was a really hard day all I did was cry. I just take each day as it comes if I need to cry I do and if ppl dont like it then I say tuff walk in my shoes before you judge. Hugs Jo xxx
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Strangely, I seem to be the complete opposite to most of you, I donât visit the cemetery where my husband is as I know heâs not there and it wouldnât bring me comfort, I try to avoid the death focus, ie heâs gone and never coming back, I focus on the knowing heâs still around and lives on in me and resides forever in my heart and soul but I am a lot further along than most of you. I also observe all those that were here when I was, no longer post or only occasionally so I do think grief changes
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Thanks all of you. I know Iâm pushing my family away - I just want to be on my own and (if Iâm lucky) shrivel up and join my love.
Itâs obvious you all understand. Why donât I have the courage to join him?
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Damn it the way grief messes with my mind. Itâs like she will know what Iâm doing, what Iâm up to. As though sheâll know if I donât go to her grave.
I guess when someone has been with you for so long they and you become part of each other. So I feel she still has an opinion, a say in what I do - not all the time but when involves her and my memories of her directly.
One day perhaps itâll be different. But when theyâve been such a large part of your life and that is removed then the mind cannot cope straightaway
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Of course she has a say in what you do. You were partners and lovers for so long. How can that part of you just be eradicated? It canât.
When you live your life with someone where
âEverything I do, I do it for youâ
then death cannot change that, my heart breaks for you.
Perversely I wish Iâd gone first - to save myself this heartbreak
However I wouldnât have wanted my love to go through how I am feeling right now.
Double edged sword eh?
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My first husband was a Roman Catholic and it was very important for his family to have a grave they could visit. My family always took the cremation route, and I had no strong feelings either way. So I went along with his familyâs wishes.
I believe that if you take on the responsibility for something, be it a dog, a house, a car, or a grave, you should maintain it and keep it looking cared-for. I have continued to visit and maintain the grave and the headstone for 20 years.
My second husband left instructions with his Will for cremation and immediate scattering of his ashes in the same cemetery, which I complied with.
I still do not have any strong opinions. When I am visiting the cemetery it seems natural to speak to them, I do it throughout the day, wherever I am.
The bit that really annoys me is that my in-laws were so determined to have a grave, yet none of them have ever actually visited it since the day of the funeral 20 years ago!
Xx
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