Evening Willow , we sure do, I hate the pain it as caused losing both of them but I appreciate the love and happiness both men brought into my life , both where special and unique in there own way.
Gra my late husband had gone through losing and burying his first wife and he didnt want myself or his daughter to go through that.
He wanted us to remember him for who he was and to celebrate is life.
Families make me laugh they can put you through attending his grave but not them, if its painful for them what the hell do they think you feel. Selfishness.
Hugs Jo xxx
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Bless you, you keep his ashes if thats what you want to do. Get your family to scatter you together if thats what you want.
I dont care if its a year or ten there are always goingvto make us cry. Hugs jo xxx
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Hello, My best friend lost her husband due to a diving accident. He wanted to be cremated and his ashes scattered at sea. She did as he wished and then did something I think was lovely. She had the co-ordinates of where the ashes were scattered engraved on a large slate obelisk and put it in her garden.
Xx
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Hiya
If something makes you feel better you should do it. I often talk to Pete when I am washing the dishes!! sending hugs and love to you all xx
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Hi there , know what you mean, some days are ok other times not, its whatever will work for you in the end, small steps are the best I find, I hit a wall about two weeks ago, Pete had been gone since last November and couldnt understand why I would hit it but crying until I couldnt cry any more helped and starting to be kind to myself and not beat myself up when I couldnt cope helps also, different things affect people in different ways, sending lots of love to you xxx Being on here helps alot as you can see other people understanding how you feel. take care of yourself xx
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Hi, you must do what you feel able to do when you want to. Please dont be worried that you cried, it just means that you loved him and had happy memories together. You will get stronger and suprise yourself. The other week I tried to put one of his hats in the charity bag and had to take it out again. You are not alone, sending love and hugs xx
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Hi Willow
Wow what a great thing to think of doing, bet she gets lots of comfort with that in the garden, thanks for sharing xx
Willow112, what a lovely idea.
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Absolutely right - āTheyā have no idea do they?
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I used to take the same journey every other day to Bridgetās care home. For over four years the same roads.
So yesterday, while driving the same way, the strongest feeling of loss hit me. That sheās not there anymore. What was usual is now gone.
I felt that if I just take that left turn, go through the gates sheāll be there. The usual ā hello Peteā, sheās in the sun roomā.
God, how long does all go on for? One year, two, three? Itās like a prison sentence with no chance of release
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Hello @jantee
I lost my wife last September after 4 years of gradual decline with dementia.
The way I look at it is that I donāt have any other choice but to get through the day, one at a time. Some days are better than others. Even when she didnāt know me when she was in care I still loved her and now Iām finding that I regret not spends more time at her care home.
Regret achieves nothing i know but I canāt help it. I miss her and miss seeing her, even at her worse. My days are varied but pretty empty.
All I can advise is that as we move away from losing them it gets easier only by tiny tiny bits. But itās still something.
Peter
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I have a headache from hell - 6 months since my husband died and I miss him just as much. Itāll be his Birthday on the 2nd of October followed by our wedding anniversary. He was such a delightful person always busy doing something, always had his cup half full and Iām finding the silence in the house deafening. How do you cope with the loneliness and the massive hole thatās been left. Iāve been trying to keep busy but grief is exhausting and Iām struggling!
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6 months is no time at all @Gill9. Iām just over 6 months and itās been my daughterās birthday today - her first without her dad. We had a nice day and some laughs but we all missed my husband and it just isnāt the same without him.
Just one day at a time is all we can do - and try and fill the time with things that ease our pain or give us some joy if we can.
It takes time to adapt but just try be patient with yourself and not expect too much.
Sending some love and strength xx
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Thank you for your message - it really helps with the isolation when someone replies. You and your daughter must miss your husband terribly. As you say, a day at a time. My son, who has his own family now, coined the phrase Be More G, G was the nickname I used for my husband. He was always able to motivate himself and he lived his life to the full and he was a good roll model for us all. I am trying to be more like him but I also have to learn to be patient and sit with the grief when it comes but sometimes it feels overwhelming. Thank you again for reaching out and Iām sending you a thank you hug.
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Hi Gill 9
Sending lots of love n hugs, know exactly what its like , be kind to yourself. Grief arrives sometimes when we least expect it to. take care. We are all friends here xxx
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Hello all. Grief and loneliness stinks, doesnāt it
You have a reasonable day and this is wiped out by a flood of memories that remind us of how much we miss them and how alone we are, never mind how many friends we have, we are alone in the end.
I took myself off today to one of our favourite seaside spots, had every intention of walking along the front, till I felt so alone and missed her company. Went back to the car. Felt miserable.
Itās been just over a year now since she died and I only hope that things get better. Itās so easy when youāre a couple just going along, planning, cozy in each otherās company, wanting not much more than that. And then everything in the world changes and nothings the same ever again.
Peter
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Couldnāt agree more Peter. 23 weeks since I suddenly lost the love of my life. Thought I was doing ok over the weekend and had kept myself busy. Then out of the blue today it hit me all over again, as if it was day one. Been overwhelmed most of the day which has left me exhausted.
Canāt get my head around the future- there doesnāt seem to be one. Like you I am extremely lucky with good family and friends, but thatās not what I want or need.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better x
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Hello @jody
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Hello @jody
I suppose what affects me more than ever now is the emptiness of the hours.
As a couple we were quite happy just to fill the day up with each other. Iāve decided on the cinema tonight but Iām not happy just waiting around to go out, itās a couple of hours of nothing, of a quiet room and being alone.
Bridget was fully taken care of in her care home and wanted for nothing. Because she had dementia the day probably passed by in relative contentment. Itās me who now bares the awfulness of being lonely and miserable.
I could say that 4 years in the home prepared me for the eventual day when she died but thereās a difference between her in the world and now she isnāt
Peter
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Hello Peter
I dont think there is anyway that makes it easier. I am 21 weeks in on Sunday, and everyday is a struggle.
I am lonely sad fed up of live.
I try not to look into the future as all I see is emptiness and lonilness not the best picture.
Sendung hugs Jo xxx
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