No your not ! 10 weeks I have been sleeping with a large Percy pig toy next to me because I can’t bare the empty space next to me ! I am 56 and going to bed with a pink fluffy pig !
3 Likes
I’m told repeatedly that well, at least you had 25 good years with her, not like you’ve lost someone after a few years. This is true of course but love is love no matter how long and we knew each other so well that the experiences of many years brings.
And there are so many memories built up from very ordinary moments. Bridget’s memories went with the onset of dementia so I was the keeper. And now I can’t share. And that’s the tragedy of dementia that you lose them twice. I was a stranger to her before she died and she left me again last September last year.
P x
3 Likes
Dementia is so cruel. My husband died suddenly, so different to your loss. But my sister has dementia and it is indeed the long goodbye. She used to be almost forensically clean, her floor was cleaner than my oven hob. Not now, she is dirty and isn’t able to look after herself or care either way. She doesn’t always recognise me and is starting to become violent. It is a horrible and cruel illness. I love her very much and it is horrible seeing her decline.
Wishing you strength and sending a cyber hug.
Xx
1 Like
Hello @Willow112
Thank you for your kind words. I’m reassured by the carers at the care home that she was contented and I need to believe this for my peace of mind.
Bridget was neglecting herself and the home cared for her ongoing needs.
As an aside, I wonder why more men don’t post on here. It’s not good to bottle in up. There seems to be a reluctance because of this feeling that real men don’t cry. Believe me I’ve
cried ( why wouldn’t I ?) and reached out for help.
I don’t have those inhibitions anymore.
Peterx
1 Like
Maybe there are more widows than widowers. Maybe women find it easier to talk about feelings. I don’t know. But I think it is probably healthier than bottling it all up.
Xx
I read that 75% of women in the UK will become widowed, so it is mainly women left behind. @Blake started a post about this before.
1 Like
Why do people say that. Well, at least you had this many years. The time is irrelevant, or i hear, “Colin wouldn’t want you to be like this” or “Colin would want you to get out and sit around the house moping” They just don’t get it and it is no fault of their’s, they are not or have not gone through this, day in and day out, wishing this and wishing that.
Share your memories of Bridget with us. We will read, listen and smile with you when a memory makes you smile. Nicky
2 Likes
I might just do that @nicky1961.
I’ve only just began to share memories with others who want to listen and without too much sadness.
Peterx
1 Like
. I lit a candle for my husband this evening.
I also lit the one in the photo for others that have passed .
Take care.
Thinking of you.
Love and hugs,
Rose xx
8 Likes
I am a great listener so i have been told.
That’s lovely Rose x x
1 Like
That lovely Rose i think we all need a hug. Xx
1 Like
We do and we all give and get lots on here
More hugs to you 
x x
Yes we do. Much needed too.x
I think we all need hugs a arm to support and a shoulder to cry on. Xx
Please answer me a question. Does anyone else feel like the elephant in the room if invited to a birthday,anniversary, picnic or just a get together? I was invited to a sunday dinner about 3 months after Colin died, i felt such pity it was almost tangible. I walked in to a group of people laughing and talking about what holidays they had planned and then in walked me. The widdow, the leper. The wives at this dinner changed towards me. I am a woman with no husband beside me so i must be after theirs. God it was uncomfortable. I did not stay long i can tell you. It has not changed and it is a year on the 21st. Am i being over sensitive?
1 Like
Mine is only 2 weeks i havent got friends to invite me out . But i would think ppl are scared incase we want there partners when we onlycwant our own. Xxx
1 Like
No, you’re not. I was widowed once before. Women who had been former friends acted very differently towards me, guarding their husbands. Also, a couple of my husband’s friends called at my house unexpectedly to see if there was ‘anything they could do for me’. Their hugs were too intimate and lasted too long, they stood too close to me, they came without their wives. I know for sure that I was not imagining it. One of them persisted coming round but I always looked out of the window before answering the door. If I saw him with his wife he never mentioned that he had called round.
You don’t need friends like that. Some people seem to think that widowhood is catching, others can’t bear to see your pain.
Xx