Hey I’m so sorry your suffering so much and i really do feel your pain 
my hubby died just overv6 weeks ago and it took him 5 years before he moved in with me and he was here 11 years and nearly 5 years married he promised me he would never leave me and he would love me forever 
that phone call from the hospital and like you say we can do nothing about it and i agree when people say give it time and that don’t help when your suffering in so much pain and shock my hubby was and is my soulmate and my one true love and my carer. So i really do understand your pain. No one can fix it and no one can stop your pain. I’m lucky i have my son living with me and he is what makes me get up every morning. Thinking of you x
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Aww Judy its so hard isn’t it. My hubby Gra died al.ost 5 weeks ago. I cant still believe it. I miss his company i miss his smile i miss him telling me everything is going to be ok. I can’t invisage living alone for the rest of my life. Ii need company i need the compansion ship. Xxx
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To you all and family let you down when you need them the most and i lost my bestie over 2 years ago and i don’t have any friends really people are telling me to go out and meet people. Well i don’t really trust people because been hurt to many time’s and all i needed was my hubby and son. We were a happy little family until 6 weeks ago and our world changed big time. I’ve not got mad yet and I’m just sad all the time. Going out with my son helps but then i come back home and it’s heartbreaking i had his funeral on 25th June and i have to wait 3 to 4 months to find out what happened to him and then i have to still register his death how do you deal with that and move on. I never want another man in my life because he was my world my heartbeat my everything and my soulmate.
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I didnt mean another man straight away its tocearly for that whatvi mean is i need the compananship of other omg no t yet i just mean in the future. At the moment i just need friends i am here alone and very lonely. I feel for you i truly do its so hard. Love jo xxx
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Hey Rose and Nicky - I know this will sound really odd and please don’t take this the wrong way but while I’ve just read all your rants it made me smile.
Not because I want you to be in pain, but just because it is so honest and open and the bare truth. Something that we have to live with and all that you say is just what I feel for a lot of the time.
Life is really shit at the moment - I do say this a lot - I am so fed up with people either ignoring and avoiding me, giving me pityful looks, or asking if we are ok but not wanting to know the reality. People offer to be there but never are - you certainly get to know who your friends are.
I ranted on a post a while back and it felt really good to get it out and all of it was true - exactly as it still is.
I too have been really struggling as it was my husbands birthday last Friday. I find the days after the special event are much harder to deal with often than the actual day. Not one of my family messaged or phoned on the day. My husbands family either phoned or messaged which was lovely, but not my 2 sisters, brother or mum could make the effort to think about me or my husband that day. Not even to ask how my 4 kids were or let them know they were thinking of them - their nieces /nephew’s/ grandkids.
I do have friends who are really supportive and have been with me the past 4 months but most folk dont want to know and be reminded that there is pain and sadness in the world. I worry that my kids think this normal and that you should just pretend that bad things don’t happen and just pretend it’s all fine. What we need to do is talk about it more and make sure people don’t feel so lonely and isolated.
Sorry - going on again.
I really just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you in your pain and sending some love and strength to you all to get through the rest of the day. I can’t make it go away but maybe just try make the heavy load a litter lighter to carry
Xxxx
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Gra was my world my heartbeat i will love him till the day i die and beyond he was my world in 18 years we were never apart. Xxxx
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I really feel for all of us on here. It is so hard. Trying to get through each day is heartbreaking without stupid comments from friends or family. I have also had to remove my husband’s photo and his ashes as they were upsetting me too much. I apologised to him for doing it. I’ve also had a couple of family bereavements in the last couple of months which has put me back a bit. Big hugs to everyone.X
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@roni52 ,
I understand what you have written.
I am also very sad and sorry about what you have experienced in relation to your husband’s birthday.
I am so very sad and angry today plus I have that physical pain we get.
I remember the way my husband talked about celebrating his birthday, so happy and excited.
Now not possible, snatched from him.
I was trying so hard to get on with some things today and then got the message about going out for a meal with family.
It just hit hard that the couples involved could still do that and we can’t anymore.
It is so cruel and unfair.
This person has done and not done things that have really hurt me. Said things that have upset me and wittered on about stuff that just emphasise that my old life has disappeared forever.
I know I should isolate them from my life but they are held in high regard in the family. I thought I knew who they were before my husband died but I really feel I did not.
Being fair, I think I misjudged them as well as them not revealing how they really are.
I know my husband was very fond of them. So it is very difficult.
There is so much to deal with without all these extra problems and pressures.
Thank you for reading this and letting me share.
Love and hugs to all of you.
I so wish we weren’t in this terrible club.
Rose xx
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I think we truly learn who will and wont be there when needed i ho estly believed my family would be there for me but they not . I stand very much alone. Life is lonely and hard . I never thought i could feel so lonely. I hope we all find the solace we all deserve and need . Xxxx
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Hi rose. I’m so sorry you have had to deal with all this added stress and hurt.
I think we all get this in some way or another - just sometimes it feels more difficult when you don’t expect it.
I have now become very selfish about who I let into my life and who I don’t. Purely for self preservation reasons as I can’t take any more hurt or disappointment.
For me, I find people fit into different categories - the people who really do want to help or truly feel your pain, and the people who just want things to be back as they were and to get back to normal.
My family are very much “avoiders”. They don’t want to deal with anything uncomfortable or painful, which means they never learn anything new or grow in themselves -they sadly all are quite unhappy as they never try to improve their lives, and they moan ALL the time.
As my friend said to me today - I am the ‘odd one’ in my family.
My work and my husband has influenced who I am today and that has certainly made me a better person over the years. My husband used to say the same and joke that I must have been adopted!
If someone is hurting you at the moment then just take a step back if you can.
Tragedy and loss does certainly show up a true persons colours, and I think it is often that they may not have any idea what you are experiencing. They will likely feel this in the future and then may be able to reflect on their behaviour at the moment.
But that doesn’t help you just now.
The main thing is to do what’s right for you - if people really care they will understand.
Even if your husband respected this person, I bet he’s hacked off with them big time for upsetting you now.
Keep in touch and feel free to vent any time
Sending love and hugs xx
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Thank you xx
Sending you a very big hug xx
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Really struggling yesterday my daughter called me i was having a really bad day and said i cant see thevpoint of been here anymore. Today her hubby to be brought my grandaughter for me to look afrer. My daughter collected her at tea time would stop for a drink said she was f×××ing sick of been everyones puch ball took the bain and walked out. I am devastated. I said i was sorry but she still went. Xxc
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Oh Jo
I’m glad your daughter is treating you like that.
Maybe she can’t cope with her own grief.
Liz x x
Gra wasn’t her dad and i understand she might be hurting to. But i thought she would understand how hard this is on me. I said i was sorry i have never hurt like this before. Xxx
Morning. How is everyone doing this am?
Is it just me, but every morning and i mean, every morning, i wake with the headache from hell. What is happening to me through the night? What am i doing to warrant this God almighty headache?
Is the result of holding things in, not letting myself cry. I know this to be true that if i let it go, i won’t be able to stop, i know that for a fact. We hold it in so’s not to upset people or make them feel uncomfortable, but something has to give and i think one morning my head will pop. Any suggestions, all welcome. Thanks guys. Nicky xxx
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Sorry Nicky I’ve no idea where they come from. I’m actually the same. Seem to have had a permanent headache for the last 12 weeks. I’ve just assumed it’s all the grief and tension we live with on a daily basis.
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Same here my head feels like its going to explode i cant remember things my memory is awful at the moment dates names etc dont stay. Love jo xxc
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Yes @nicky1961
as @jody said it seems to be normal and all part of the grieving.
It’s horrible I know and I do get really fed up with the headaches but it does seem to be stress related.
You really should let your tears go, it might help a bit
I hope you get some relief soon
Big hugs
Liz x x
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Morning nicky and i wake up every morning feeling ill and i cry alot and i don’t care if people can’t cope with me crying because it’s me living without my husband not them. You will stop crying but it’s good to let it out and locking it away won’t help in long run lovely xx
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Just the smallest thing and I’m a crying wreck. I’ve come across a little knitted heart they gave me when I was beside Bridget during her last days in hospital. It’s the last thing Bridget touched. I can almost feel her hand as I hold it.
I can’t make sense of it all really. The getting the dementia, forgetting me, years in a care home and then dying. It’s not fair is it. I just wanted us to grow old together as I see other couples.
It wasn’t too much to ask was it or was it?
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