No darling itcwasnt its what we all wanted. Its so bloody hard the days and nights and e so lonely the phone doesnt ring. I hope you find some peace .xx
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Itās strange that grief and loneliness creeps up on me just when I think Iām doing ok.
I go over and over how it was when my Bridget was here at home and then the time in the care home where she seemed quite content, although I wasnāt, in fact every time i visited her my stomach would have butterflies anticipating what Iād find when I saw her again.
I miss her so much but Iām finding the memories fading and Iāve no one to share and strengthen them. Iām lonely I donāt mind admitting because all the stuff we did, all the 4 years of caring from afar when she was in care - all finished, so final.
Of course I knew she would die sometime
( dementia shortens it to about 5 years) but all I wanted was a bit more, another Christmas, another summer. So I live on memories, maybe faulty, maybe romanticised, but it hurts just to remember what we had and how we were
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Hello @RoseGarden
I wish too we werenāt in this āclubā . The feelings of sadness are so widespread amongst us just when I feel Iām facing all this alone.
There is no one that can lessen the pain of it all, no special magic that can reduce the hurt. We have to face it all alone and sometimes itās too much. And often thereās no one there when you especially want someone, someone who understands exactly what weāre going through.
Awful isnāt it!
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That lonilness is so awful I feel for you I truly do. Its 7 weeks on Sunday since i lost my husband to heart failure. Everyone on this site is so supportive . But it doesnt take away those lonely days and nights.
The old saying you done know what you have until you lose it. I never took my husband for granted . I was grateful for the second chance at happiness after losing my first husbandvto a dvt. Hexwas only 36. Me and Gra met in a widow and widowers chst room on aol. We had almost 18 yrs of happiness nearly 16 married. It just wbasnt long enough. Xcx
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Hi all. Its one year today. Keeping busy has been the hardest thing today. I have had family and friends checking in on me, just to check i havenāt joined him i think. It has not been far from my thoughts i will admit on here. But today, i saw my grand daughter who i havenāt seen for a few days and she was so pleased to see me which was lovely. Im sat in the house now watching Red 2 which was one of Colins favourites. Scammed on facebook market with an arbour someone was selling that did not exist and neither did the address. Bank will not do anything, They are now advertising this in Wrexham so if anyone sees this on facebook market, please pass the wordā¦its a scam.
Why not hit me when im down.
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Hey @nicky1961 - you got through today. Iām sure it was hard but you pushed through and still managed to find a positive so well done for that. Iām hoping I can also manage to get there so thanks for sharing - it gives me some hope
Sorry you got scammed. Thatās really crap and just makes you wonder about some people in the world.
Just remember that you had so much love ( and still do from your family by the sounds of it ) that you never have had to stoop so low as to prey on the vulnerable.
Little comfort I know but I hope tomorrow will bring a less difficult day for you xx
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Thinking of you.
Love and hugs xxx
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Hello,
Thinking of all of you.
We are still pushing on.
Many are taking it very slowly, we understand and care.
A number are crying and some find the tears do not come.
We are at different points of grieving both in terms of time and where we are on the rollercoaster.
Many different emotions are rising to the surface, sometimes lasting a long time, some quickly following each other.
Each one is your personal way of grieving.
This is a great place of understanding and support.
To share with people who truly understand and talk with people who have actually experienced situations and bereavement helps so many.
I personally have felt so supported and definitely not judged when sharing on here.
Thank you.
I want to wish you the best day you can have.
Lots of love and big hugs,
Rose xx
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Thankyou Rose
You always make sense.
You put into words what we all feel.
Love and hugs
Liz x x
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Thank you Rose and hoping you can have the best day you possibly can. Your kindness always shines through xx
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Thank you.
That is very kind.
I hope it helps.
Love and hugs,
Rose xx
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Dear Jody,
thank you.
So lovely of you to say that.
Love and hugs,
Rose xx
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You always help x x
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I find the largest concern is that I can no longer resolve any guilt I have and any anxiety by talking it through with my wife.
Even though she was for 4 years with dementia unable to talk to me or recognise me as her husband I still could ask her forgiveness, I was able look at her and say sorry.
I often asked ā who do you think I
amā ā Iām Peter ā but she looked at me bemused and smiled a confused smile.
We are left with outstanding emotional baggage that only time can lessen. I went to her woodland grave today and placed a letter in the soil. Itās the closest Iāll ever get to being with her.
I miss her sometimes so much it hurts even though ā normal Bridget ā was years ago. It was this month that she walked out of our home forever
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Dementia is so cruel my mum has got dementia , she is 85 yrs old jshe has better days and bad days some of the things she says is upsetting but i care for her and dad 89 yr old while griving for my husband 20months gone and life long close friend 4 months gone i feel so lost sometimes i feel so overwhelmed, i ache for my lovely husband to be ere to hug me and tell me everything will be ok , but it will never be ok
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@nicky1961 I share your pain 
I lost my fiance in may to a sudden massive heart attack at the age of 48ā¦we were due to get married on the 5th September, one minute we were sat in bed planning all the things we were going to do on our honeymoon, the next minute, literally, he made a rasping noise and died in my armsā¦itās too surreal to even comprehend I canāt tell you it will be ok, Iām still trying to convince myself of that, but you have to push through the horrible days, as hard as it is, I didnāt eat or sleep for 10 days after he left me, nothing mattered, until I realised it did, my kids mattered, my grandchildren mattered, i mattered, life matteredā¦I hope you find your way xx
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Bless you my kids and grandkids mam & dad are the resons im still ere to be honest my frieds have all still got husbandās its hard to try make a life when im still trying to get through each day today been a bad day, but ill keep going for my family x
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Elkira, i am so sorry. I am sending all the love.
It is so hard to put into words the feelings we have that we have never experienced before to this extent. What do we do with these? I am afraid to let go and do and say what i want for fear of actually going off the edge and losing my grip for good. I feel like i am living in a very large glass house and one false move, will bring it crazing down around me and taking my family with it as well.
I think we should be given free range to let lose on a designed room filled with breakables. In the long run, the goverment would benefit because all this pent up emotion would be released. We would be back to work dealing with the everyday things but we should have the key to this room any time of the day and night. Shall i start a campaign? Xxx
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@nicky1961 funnily enough, my fianceās daughter did exactly that when he passed, she went to a rage room in our area and smashed the living hell out of everything, she said it actually helped! I think thatās the main thing isnāt it, what to do with all the emotions! For Me it was a damned good talking to! Giving myself a kick up the backside, accepting heās gone and as heartbreaking as it is, thereās absolutely nothing I can do about it, so do I lie down in the feotal position and cry until Iām sick say after day, or do I learn to adjust and live my life without him? I opted for the latter, because as hard as it is, we are still here, they arenāt suffering, we are, we carry the loss and the pain, and if we donāt try and let go of that then itās such a waste of our lives tooā¦thereās no universal answer to this terrible situation weāve been dealt, but I hope I have a fair few years left to live and I donāt want to waste them being so very sad about a situation I canāt change 
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