I feel as if I’m going backwards as well and the tears just keep falling. I just want Ian back and the life we had together. I’m far away from family and friends and can go days without speaking to someone I know face to face.
It’s just so hard to keep going. I’ve lost all interest in the house and garden and just live on chocolate and snacks.
Unless you are on this nightmare of a journey, you can never understand how we feel.
I’m not much of a comfort to you so I’m sorry and I hope the tablets soon start to help. It must be horrible feeling like a zombie.
Thank you Michael.
Where would we all be without this site! Nobody else really wants to listen to how we are feeling do they? People quickly ask how I’m feeling and then change the topic. It’s not their fault as they will have no idea how devastating the loss of a partner is unless they’ve experienced it.
You take care and perhaps one day, we’ll be able to admire the snowdrops and daffodils without crying.
Hi Julie,nice reply thank you.You are right it is not their fault really but they will know one day what it is like and how devastating it is to lose your partner and then it will hit them for six like it has to us.Yes the lovely Spring flowers are inspiring.Just wish Judith was here to see her hard work.Do you know I am now feeling worse than I did all those weeks ago,each day now the thought of never seeing her again hits me so hard,not to see her lovely face again tears me apart.I really do not know how I have come through this last 19 weeks. Lots of hugs…Michael x
Yes exactly Nel,I know that I am getting worse ,I am grieving so badly again,the loss we have all suffered is so devastating .I do not know about you but my life is so empty now,I do nothing all day except watch tv and eat occasionally.Shop only for bread and milk,have the other stuff delivered.This is not living is it Nel.I for one am just waiting to be called. Much love Michael x
Allans cremation was yesterday, his relatives had arranged a ‘direct cremation’ so no service and I was only one there but I’m glad I was today I’m feeling really bad it keeps hitting me and everything feels a bit unreal I’m just getting through the second month I feel I am just trying to get through time but I’m going to feel like this forever
Hi Again Michael, just one thing , unfortunately it won’t happen for us, but my brother and his wife met when they were both 13. They married at 19 and all being well comes June they will have been married for 69 years this year. Some achievement
Hi Caroline,yes early days for you.I have been through all the emotions you mentioned.I know that I am going to be like this forever,Judith will never leave me.Much love Michael x
Hello everyone I feel your pain …David’s funeral is on Tuesday have been sorting last minute stuff …I’m dreading the day…like everyone I have been non stop crying seeing spring flowers peeping through, it’s all so devasting . Struggling to eat ,feeling sick ,physical pain all so overwhelming. I too feel I will never get over this , all our future taken . Glad I’m back home now in my safe place …love and strength to all of you feeling this dreadful ache x x x x
Hi well you have just summed up what is happening to us all.It is truely dreadful a living hell.I do feel for you because I have been there and I am still there.Home is a sfae place,if I go out and that is not that often I cannot wait to get inside and close that door. My best to you my friend. Michael x
Hi Annie,just been in the garden ,Judith’s garden,bit of clearing up,nice Spring like day.Wish she was here to see her Spring flowers coming up.Broken sleep again,up early again.House so qiuet .so empty,me so lonely and unhappy all the time.Back inside now so tv now to keep my mind off things. Much love Michael x
Hiya Michael still waiting for my fence to go up but my lovely neighbour going to do it then I can johns garden back the way it was your lovely Judith will be looking down a man she loved caring for her garden you look after yourself lv annie x hugs x
Hi Annie,nice of your neighbour to do your fence.Thank you for mentioning my Judith,yes I hope she can see what I am trying to do in HER garden.You are a very caring person I can see that. Love to you Michael x
Just returned home after visiting my elderly Mam (92). Called at a wholesale warehouse my June loved to go and browse around but had not been able to visit due to Covid (June had MS). We used to walk around the place browsing. June would get some valuable exercise pushing the cart which steadied her and made her feel safe. It was busy today and of course June was not there. I felt so guilty. I had been okay up to that point today - one of my better days only had a few tears. I had a meltdown. Good job I was able to hide behind my mask being one of the few continuing to wear one it seems. I drove the 25 more miles back home still upset to my lonely house. I refuse to call it home. It was cold and I inviting when I came in. I just want some peace from the guilt I feel and the shock of losing June in front of me and seeing her being worked on by the paramedics. It’s like a recurring nightmare replaying over and over again. I wait expectedly for the next trigger. Sorry to unload as I know everyone on her is suffering too. Tony
Tony. If it helps to talk we are all here for you. Talking is a way to get negative thoughts out of your system. Talk and cry as much as you need to. Better to be honest how you feel. I have cried, ranted and raved for 32 weeks since Peter died, the only problem is that it hasn’t bought him back to me and I really don’t feel any better about things. The only thing is, I know most others feel exactly the same as I do. Take care and keep talking, Moira
I to replay the night I lost my husband over and over. The cpr and the paramedics using the defibrillator. It feels like a constant unbelievable nightmare. I tried to go through some of his possessions today but just broke down after a while and couldn’t carry on. It’s so hard and my house does not feel like a home without H in it. Life seems so sad and I don’t know how I am going to get through it x
I am trying to talk with everyone I can. It’s the alone time that does the damage. Nel I’m in exactly the same position as you. I saw everything that happened that evening and it will stay with me forever. It has triggered trauma from my past work which I had to deal with but nothing can prepare us for the unexpected passing of our dearly loved spouses. I will continue to try and improve but I long to be with June again in the next life. Tony
It’s been 19 weeks for me since I lost my darling wife of 47 years, I had to give her CPR for twenty minutes before the paramedics arrived but I knew it was too late, this haunts you day in day out, I’ve just started counselling don’t know if will help at all, but sharing with someone outside of family will help I hope.
The house is so empty and the loneliness is unbearable at times, it is a comfort to share my feelings with the folk on here going through exactly the same. Love to all.