Is anyone else completely alone?

Continuing the discussion from About the Losing a partner category:

My husband and my two dogs died within a three week period back in 2017. My last surviving parent, my mother, died a year after that. I have no siblings and no children and my only family is one cousin who lives too far away to visit and with whom I have occasional phone contact.

I live alone in human terms and it is tough. I see people on this forum refer to family, their children, grandchildren etc but I cannot relate because have none of that. My only companions for 99% of my time are my two dogs. They are wonderful but their conversational skills are severely limited,

Has anyone else had to cope with the loss of their partner completely alone? How did you manage the bereavement and how do you manage life now?

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Hi I’m not but it is something I thought about a lot since losing my partner. Your situation will happen to me as we hadn’t any kids and I don’t have friends left. I don’t have proper contact with other family. I am heavily dependent on my elderly stepdad and my mother now for feelings of safety with another human and I know it’s inevitable I’ll lose them and try not to think about it as it terrifies me.

I talk about it with my therapist and she recommends joining stuff to make friends. it’s not the same though is it but she recommended volunteering, Meet Up or Widowed and Young, joining clubs. I don’t do any of that but maybe in the future… though hard to imagine it has any use… maybe…

So I’m not in the position (yet) but strongly sympathise and will keep an eye on this topic as hopefully others can say something more helpful. I don’t know to cope with this, it seems like it must be very very hard for you. Take care.

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My lovely husband passed away last September 2020. I lost my brother in 2020. My only relatives are a niece and nephew who both live

Sorry. Several miles away. I have very supportive friends and a kind and loving sister in law, but without children it’s not the same. I have never lived on my own and find it so lonely and have no purpose in anything. Grief has so many paths to follow and being on your own always leads me to longing for my loving husband Michael to fill the emptiness in my life. We were married for 50 years and find having to cope with every day life unbearable without Michael by my side. People do not realise that my grief will be with me for the rest of my life which makes the loneliness too much to bear.

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That’s so right. People use that annoying phrase ‘time will heal’ but they have no idea what they are talking about.
It won’t matter how long I live, there will never be a time when I am not yearning for my husband. How can 50+ years (in my case, 57, 54 of those married) be wiped out by time? It won’t. Time might help us live with this horror but can never heal us. I wish it could.
Hugs, Ann

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i have a son that lives with me but i feel all on my own i got gardening as my hobby but since my partner died 11 weeks today i lost interest in everything i got family but rarely see them so really speaking im similar to you so you are not alone

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Dear AnnR

Phrases annoy me. I just close my ears to whoever is speaking to me if they start with them = that way I will not be inclined to tell them to go away as I know they are trying to help but they are not. I was with my husband 42 years and married 38. I am 61so I know that there is not sufficient time left to get over his loss. I never will.

I went out today as it would have been my husband’s 61st birthday. Visited one of our favourite cafe’s in the Yorkshire Moors. On the way back found myself in a car park and just sat and cried for over half an hour. This time last year me and him sat on the settee toasting his 60th - just cannot comprehend how my life is now this awful empty place.

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I know, Sheila. All the sunshine in the world can’t take the pain away. We will have to learn to live with it, but that will not be easy. In some ways, the sun and warmth that i longed for make it worse. They just illuminate that empty space.
X

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Yes I am completely on my own. I have done all the stuff you’re ‘supposed’ to do to help yourself but as you say NOTHING is going to fix this pain. Sunny days? really hurt, he’s not here to see them…Everything that has been said about being alone is completely true and I don’t have any answers. It’s been 2 years and 4 months since Steve died and lately I have found some comfort at his graveside. I feel close to him there.

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Dear Vik,
I am so sorry you are on your own, it must be awful. I read all these heart reading stories on here and feel guilty because I don’t have horrific family situations that some have. I have the grief that others have, after my husband of 54 years’ marriage dying, and that is bad enough. I wouldn’t like to have to deal with some of the situations on here at the same time.
I have found a lot of comfort on here and I hope you do too.
Hugs, Ann

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Thank you Ann,
I have to find ways to deal with a reality I don’t want but the human spirit is a wonderful thing and I hope we all find a way for ours to rise again. Yes, knowing that our feelings and thoughts are so similar does give a comfort. Thank you again for your kind words.

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You are very welcome, my lovely. I wish you peace and eventual happiness

Yes I am completely alone in the world.
My Valerie was my everything.
We are both Shy and lived for each other.

I’m 65 years old and can’t imagine what sort of future I’ll have without Valerie.

Life is so so cruel.

I know the pain is unbearable and also that really it is ours to bear alone even if we had family support. I am so sorry you feel so bereft. I hope being on here gives you some comfort and that you truly aren’t alone in feeling this way.

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I totally get it. I have no family at all, and I don’t know anyone who is in the same situation or can understand it. I’m an only child, and in 2015 my mother (who was estranged from her family) died, followed by my father 5 months later, who was also an only child. A couple of his cousins who I hadn’t seen for 20 years emerged for the funeral, only to disappear again. I felt like an Anglo-Saxon returning to their village to find it pillaged by Vikings and everyone gone. It made me question my whole identity and my place in the universe. I drifted for three years, taking no pleasure in anything, until I met my fiancé, who at last gave me hope for the future. He died two weeks ago aged just 36, and now I’m back to square one, except this time it’s so much worse. He was a foreign national who died in his home country (we had been separated by the pandemic) and I have had to cut off contact with his family as they were unpleasant towards me after his death, so I don’t even have them!! On some days I feel as if I’m hanging by a thread and that no one would even notice now if I were gone. Families are everywhere and seemingly everything in our society is geared towards them. I have plenty of friends, but their lives all revolve around their families. Christmas is dreadful if you’re completely alone, and even bank holidays and Sundays are awful. I really empathise with you.

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I lost my beautiful partner pauline on the 14th April and I am totally alone apart from our dog and 2 cats I have brothers and a sister nieces and nephews but I hardly hear from them my sister calls occasionally and one of my nieces messages me on whatsapp but I’m lucky if I talk to someone once a week when Pauline first died I went weeks without talking to anyone I’m so lost and empty and lonely without her I have tried to reach out to a friend but it didn’t go well so I won’t be trying again I talk to people on here and a friend I met on here I can honestly say I have never felt this empty lost or lonely ever before in my life but this is my life now well let’s be honest it’s existing not living I can’t imagine living years like this but there will never be anyone else she was and still is my soulmate I love her in death as much as I loved her in life and I can’t wait to be reunited with her when my time comes sending you all hugs

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My wife and I enjoyed such a loving relationship for the last 32 years. She was my best friend and there was no incentive for me to cultivate other friendship. When she was here it was paradise on earth; now life for me is a living hell. Every day is a torture. It’s consuming me so much and it’s hard to continue.

hi casey its been a while since i have wrote anything on here . i have been feeling lost like you i thought family and friends would be understanding but all i get from them is you got to go forward it makes me feel mad if it was them who lost they partner s they would understand how empty life is without them but its not them is it . well how have you been stupid question to ask you xx

@Denise0212 hi Denise it’s not a stupid question like you I’m tired of hearing you got to move forward and reach out its hard to reach out to people who don’t even bother with you to see how you are doing they have no clue what we are going through and how hard it is every second of every day that’s why I like to talk on here because we all understand I hope you are as ok as you can be with what we are going through I wonder if we will ever feel any less lost I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but unless they have been through it or going through it they really don’t have a clue stay safe take care sending you hugs

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Oh how sad that you have lost your fiancé at such an early age! I can’t begin to imagine how you are feeling. I only have one real friend but I do have children and grandchildren so I am lucky in that way. Still I feel so lonely even when I am with them, without my husband. Keep reading and posting on this site - it does help a little bit. My thoughts and prayers are with you :heart: :heart: xx

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