Thank you Sam , i wish you peace too . Take care.
Love Angie xx
Hello
This is my first post . My husband died in June aged 56, we were together for 40 years and I adored him. He loved his garage and workshop and everything is as he left it. It is unbearable, he worked so hard and should be here to enjoy it, it took him years to build and he was so proud of it. I donāt think I will ever move anything it is so painful to see it without him. People think they are helping when they say it must be a comfort, it isnāt it is agony.
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Hi Teresa,
I am
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@TeresaH ā¦Hello Teresaā¦Iām so sorry for your pain, Iām sorry for all of us feeling this devastation.
Much like myselfā¦youāve not really known a life, as an adult, without your loveā¦
Iāve read in various āhelpfulā articlesā¦that we should reclaim who we were as an individualā¦to āfindā ourselves againā¦
That has no meaning for meā¦I was relatively a child before my Geoff came into my lifeā¦I donāt know who I am without him andā¦,tbhā¦I donāt careā¦
I stumble through each long dayā¦but itās so hard living a life with no joy.
I have no answers to our painā¦I just wanted you to know you are not alone in your griefā¦
Sending heartfelt hugs
Sam xxx
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Dear TeresaH
So sorry for your loss. I understand to some degree as my husband was always working in his garage. He was so organised with the tools in set places. It is now a little over two years for me and except for getting rid of anything related to his motorbikes (which took his life) and our bicycles the garage remains as he left it. His coats still hanging where he left them.
I often wish people who are not in our position would say nothing, because they have no concept of the pain that we endure on a daily basis. I was with my husband for over 42 years and the only thing that will bring me comfort is when I am back in his arms.
Thinking of you and so sorry that you find yourself on this sad journey.
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People often interpret my pretended cheerfulness when going out as sign that I am getting over it. This makes them feel a bit better in the false belief that bereavement is not that horrible. But a year and a half after my loved one passed I am now convinced I would never get over it and this is the pain and fate I have to live with it the rest of my life all by myself.
I am sorry this doesnāt sound like words of comfort. Take care.
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Thank you, it is a relief to know that I am not alone in feeling this way
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Thank you , I feel so isolated that I cannot fully explain how awful this feels to people who havenāt experienced the loss of a partner. In the end I just feel like shutting myself away from them all
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That resonates with me, people just want me to be feeling better and moving forward. I get so angry and it takes all of my energy not to lash out at them
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Dear TeresaH
We are advised by so many that we should not shut ourselves away, but apart from looking after our grandsons and the odd meeting with a friend I have no inclination to go out into a world where I no longer belong. When I go out shopping all I see are couples the same age or slightly older than me and husband and I find it so heartbreaking that after two years I can still find myself returning home without the food items. But then I eat so little it doesnāt really matter.
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I took up spinning and joined a craft group. Sometimes I organise my day to go into Narberth and just enjoy the presence of others.
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I have (in terms of many people in this community) only recently lost my partner and am alone, other than my two non-verbal cats. While they are a great comfort (in that I donāt have to come back to a completely empty house) it is so difficult. I have always enjoyed my own company, but when I am facing the reality of the fact that this is my life now it is often overwhelming. I have had to get used to dealing with things on my own (rightly or wrongly) from a fairly young age so I know that I can cope, but not always sure that I want to cope. Itās hard to be on your own, but to be honest, Iād rather be on my own than have to deal with other peoplesā perceptions of how I should be grieving or coping with my grief, the cats just miaow and want to be fed and tickled, and at the moment, thatās enough for me to deal with. Iām sure that once itās not so new, the physical absence of my partner may well become harder to bear but Iāll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. Ultimately we are all alone whether or not we have close physical support or not. And even if we feel utterly devastated and broken and oh so lonely, there is a kernel in us that wants to carry on, so we have to find a way to accept and honour that teeny tiny kernel and hope that at some point we feel that it is ok to actually be who we are and to honour our dear departed one by holding them close while facing the world.
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Anyone in this position knows how awful it all is. If you are lucky enough to not be in this position, you see someone trying to be a bit cheerful and immediately think they are āgetting betterā, how wrong they are! You are so right - it makes them feel a bit better is all it is. It is three years and nine months since my husband passed, and I feel still that that is no time at all. I canāt imagine in a million years feeling much better to be honest. I will keep trying though - he would hate to see me like this. Take care everyone 
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I feel exactly the same. Itās been 18 months for me now and I just miss my life with Ian more and more. Iāve tried and am trying to build a ādifferentā life but at the end of the day, everything I do is just a distraction and I am just so lost, lonely and heartbroken without Ian. Friends and family canāt seem to understand this, however much I try and explain my feelings.
We were together for over 40 years so how on earth can I be expected to just carry on as if those years together meant nothingā¦ā¦
Julie x
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I know exactly what you are all going through. My husband died 2 years ago and we had no children. Friends and relatives who said at the funeral that they would be there for me I never hear or see them. If I ring them they are too busy with their lives. I have just retired and feel that life without my Vic is here existance.
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I am alone, I have 2 children both in their late 50s. They both have jobs, businesses & families to look after. They think I am coping because I always have but, Iām not. The emptiness & pointlessness of my life is staring me full in the face. I donāt want to do anything, itās as if my feet are stuck to the ground with superglue. I read the article on here of how grieving affects you & the description fits me perfectly. I feel lazy & useless! Apparently, thatās what grieving does to you, it fills your brain & thereās no room for anything else. It takes you over completely. I hope you can find the article & take comfort from it, how we feel isnāt our fault , itās the grieving that does it. Think back to how you were before your loss, think of all the things you knew with absolute certainty about yourself. Look at those things you knew about yourself, would you apply them to your life now? I was shocked when I realised that that wasnāt me anymore, I have no idea who I am anymore, my support, who I was with for 60yrs has gone & without him, Iām not me anymore xx
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Thanks for your message. I really appreciate it. I feel exactly as you stated, lazy and useless. I am completely opposite to what I used to be.I found your message so helpful.
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Irene3, pleased my message struck a chord with you. We feel so alone & lonely but, on here, weāre not. Everyone who has lost their partner has exactly the same reaction to the situation. Itās a great comfort to share our feelings & know weāre not as alone as we thought xx
Itās 4:30 in the morning and Iāve woken up realising how alone I am. I lost Ian 18 months ago today and now the fog has lifted, the reality of my situation has hit home. Iām living on my own, far away from family and old friends. I have a son and a young granddaughter who live in Spain and a daughter who lives over 200 miles away. We moved away from our old life to spend our retirement in beautiful Devon but that was only to be for five years.
Iāve tried building a new life and making new friends but that hasnāt worked really and so, life often seems pointless. Iāve been thinking about the past when life was good, purposeful and full of promise. Now , nothingā¦.
Like most on here, Iāve never heard from most of those who sent condolence cards promising so much and yet never to be āseenā again.
Iāve joined a local WAYUP group and without their weekly support and understanding I donāt know where Iād be. As Iāve read on here so many times, only those who are going through what we are can really understand. After 18 months , itās assumed by my family that I should be over it by now. I was with Ian for nearly 40 years so 18 months is such a short time in comparison! Iām resisting antidepressants much to the disappointment of my sister and daughter. In fact my sister only asked me last week if I wanted to get better!!! As if grieving is an illness that can be cured. What they canāt seem to understand is just how much I miss Ian and the life we had together and that I can see no future without him.
Sorry this post is so long and my heart goes out to everyone in a similar situation.
Take care x
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Hi Irene3
I too have been so disheartened by āfriendsā who have messaged me frequently telling me that they would love to meet etc but their diary is full! Why canāt they be honest or never raise the idea of meeting in the first place.
I have now decided to distance myself to save me the disappointment and feeling of worthlessness. This may be the wrong course of action as āfriendsā are few and far between but I feel I need to protect myself as I canāt take much more.
Where would we be without this site!! Take care,
X
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