hi Ann just joined Sue Ryder…got to get used to using it,[quote=“AnnR, post:5, topic:37528, full:true”]
That’s so right. People use that annoying phrase ‘time will heal’ but they have no idea what they are talking about.
It won’t matter how long I live, there will never be a time when I am not yearning for my husband. How can 50+ years (in my case, 57, 54 of those married) be wiped out by time? It won’t. Time might help us live with this horror but can never heal us. I wish it could.
Hugs, Ann
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yours was the first one I read and felt straight away at last Ihave found a place I can connect to,its like having to learn a new language owing to nobody can relate to my feelings it made my day but got to learn how to use thi snow[quotejust joined myselfa=“full:true”]
That’s so right. People use that annoying phrase ‘time will heal’ but they have no idea what they are talking about.
It won’t matter how long I live, there will never be a time when I am not yearning for my husband. How can 50+ years (in my case, 57, 54 of those married) be wiped out by time? It won’t. Time might help us live with this horror but can never heal us. I wish it could.
Hugs, Ann
[/quote]
Hi I am new here myself and look forward to chatting with someone who really knows what what grief is ,and being on my own, loneliness Clings to grief
Waterfall
I am alone too with no children.We were together forty years when he died suddenly 10months ago.
I have only three living relatives and we aren’t close.The future can feel very frightening.x
Iits 4 yrs on my own for me grief will not get any better but company will help . Even contact with you gave me a lift … little things mean a lot . I have put my tree up tonight it hurts to do so but it also makes me feel a bit of my old self which I dont want to loose altogether I am new on this site and still finding my way around, but its looking good so far and feeling I will get help I am in need of
I do hope you find this forum helpful and friendly.I’m dreading my first Christmas without Malcolm but I’m going to make the effort of putting a few decorations up.x
I feel like you and so many people on this forum. My husband died in July; he had dementia and the last 2 years of his life have been emotionally difficult for both of us. I feel guilt at my snappiness as I just couldn’t bear to watch him decline and was so totally stressed out with no real help from anyone. Fifty four years of a happy marriage were marred by the last 2 years of stress and unhappiness and a sense of helplessness but now like you and others I just feel broken by the loss of him. I don’t know how to get through this trauma of sorrow. I have two lovely sons both a few miles away but their lives and their family life is so busy. I wish you all a sense of peace eventually… that’s all we can hope for.
I feel your pain deeply. I lost my beloved husband of 36 years three months ago. I have no family and few friends. My counceller can’t see me as she is now in hospital. I just want to die so that I can be with my husband again xx
Hi @IanWilson, I’m worried that you’re feeling this way and that your counsellor isn’t able to see you right now. It sounds like you could do with some extra support.
You are dealing with a lot and it’s understandable that sometimes it gets too much. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts during their grief journey. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
.
If you need some extra support outside of the community, I would encourage you to reach out to one of these organisations below who can help you.
Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline here.
If these thoughts of suicide become too much and you’re worried you’re going to harm yourself, please call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.
I just wanted to share this for you and for anyone else reading who may be really struggling right now. Please do think about getting some extra support during this time.
Guys everything you shared was so true .
From the behaving acceptable so your comfortable to be around for others.
Loss and layers , the huge loss of the person you love, and the pepple in the pond, which represents the surrounding relationships that suffer because of the interaction and dynamics that have changed.
The trauma, a actual trauma, no judgement of how you lost your loved one, trauma comes in many forms… .it changes everything.
Low moods, depression, lack of motivation, lack of self care. Revisiting occasions, intrusive thoughts, even self loathing, because of the judgement we have to ourselves…
Lonely not wanting to be on your own, missing being someone’s love, whatever the context . Missing physical contact. Missing loving the person. Not Feeling attractive.
Coming home…wow…what a big curl ball, never get used to that one… empty…agitated…void
Health, grief, complexed, ill all words that spring yo mind…
Part 2.
Financial worries. Money. Independent. Feel less…people view you as less… balance has gone…
People avoiding. Pretending they don’t see you out, or try to avoid contact,as their uncomfortable with your loss.
Brain fog…God that one, awful grappling mind, that has you hanging on by your finger tips.
Practical jobs you do not have a skill to do, the other person’s role,that balanced you, that you had a rhythm with…
Belongings, precious, but torture, keep or not…we are all different…stay or not…
Paper work , death certificate, raw and yet having to say it, own it, declare it, when you cannot even accept it…
Part 3.
Looking back, trying to live in the present, but cannot see a future. The void, hole, emptiness and lack of life plans.
Feeling focused on loss, people, friendships, fur babies anything or any one…a mind set
Anger, oh yeah, that mother F#%ker, where did that come from. Negative thoughts. Potty mouth and full of judgement, oh yeah, that bad boy, raising its head… all having a party in your head.
Detachment, looking in on everything , being out, occasions, celebrations, a living, breathing bystander, with a grimaced smile, trying to look part of it…
Oh I could go on, and I have,lol, please feel free to add to this…
When you breakdown all the layers, the fact we are, telling our tale, is a credit, to want a human understanding, a acknowledgment of our pain, a nod in our direction. A, I see you…a , i hear you…thats why we have these platforms. To feel for a moment that pain is felt, and shared. That we can read, understand and absorb someone else’s life. It’s a breath…it helps…
Elvispresley69,
Absolutely, if they’re not in it, they can’t ever get it.
I’ve found myself improving since I looked at the SueRyder website. It’s just knowing that it’s not just you & you’re not going crazy! That is what has helped me & made me accept my situation better.
I still don’t like it & never will but, there’s nothing I can do to change it!
The times that are the most difficult are those where I’m socialising with couple’s & I feel so much an outsider now. They are very kind & considerate & really want me to still meet them. It’s just that I’m not the same anymore & they still think I am.
I was with my husband 60yrs so that person died with him, it’s impossible for her to exist anymore.
Anyway, just gotta get used to the new me & accept that others think I’m still the same xx
It’s a difficult one, you appreciate the inclusion, And your friends sound kind. But its what is going on in your head that is the tap dance.
I think for me, and I think you may relate to this, it actually gets harder in many ways, because it feels relentless.
Bravery is there on the frontline because we have to try, for others, perhaps more than ourselves at times.
I wish there was more on tap, than this, though its helpful. A drop in centre, a evening club, a place that’s not between 2 and 4 on a Monday. Like so many organised bereavement groups.
So much of the time, the wave comes over us, and there is nothing to go to, or share…or just sit, while someone holds your hand, and says it is ok…