Sorry theres more, sent by mistake! Therefore half of our joint souls are still on me. I find comfort in this, if that is true Lesley is still on me and knows how I am and feel and sees what I see. We both had a strong faith, that also a great help in there times
Sorry is a long one, but hope it helps
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Hi everyone.
I have been reading through the messages and as I am now live alone, my husband having died 2 months ago, I was wondering if any of you could give me a grain of hope that this excruciating pain and heartache does get easier to deal with.
At time of writing, with it coming up to Christmas I must admit I feel simply miserable.
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Hello Tuppy,
I am so sorry that you are in the same boat as so many of us. In my experience, it does get a little easier in that your mind learns to accept what it canāt change. That doesnāt take the grief away though, just makes you a bit numb. I was widowed three and a half years ago. We had been married for 54 years, and I absolutely adored him. Like you, I was devastated. I still am, but itās a simple case of ādo I go on, or do I give up?ā and I choose to go on. I have a different life now heās gone, not a happy one but a reasonably contented one most of the time. I know my lovely husband would be proud of the way I am coping and I know he would want me to be happy. Thatās impossible - I canāt be completely happy, but I do have happy days now and again (especially when I am with my family) and for most of the time I feeI reasonably calm.
I think about my husband many times throughout every day and I feel so sad when I do. No day is complete without him, but what is the alternative? Everything I do, I wish he could be doing it with me. I miss him terribly and I donāt think that will ever change. You donāt say how long you were together but, if you think about it, you canāt expect to let go of so many years as if they didnāt matter. Someone said that grief is the price you pay for love and I think that is true, but for all that, I wouldnāt have wanted to miss out on that love just so I could be happy now.
So, in a nutshell, there is no miracle that will take the pain away but you do learn to cope with it and you will be happy again for a lot of the time, once some time has gone by, Thatās how nature helps you cope. We have to remember how lucky we were to have had the love we shared. Not many people are that lucky.
We will survive. We wonāt be the same but we must try to live the life that they canāt and treasure the fact that we were so loved.
I hope you can manage to have a reasonable Christmas. I shall be lighting a candle for my husband on Christmas Day and another one on New Yearās Eve. I always buy especially nice ones for those two occasions (Marks and Spencer have some beautiful ones in glass jars this year) and I will raise a glass to the love of my life with gratitude that I had that love for so many years.
At the same time, Iāll raise a glass to you, and to all the rest of us who are grieving. Hereās to the happy times we shared.
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Thank you for your honest response. Roger and I were second time rounders, we only had 18 blissful years together. And they were blissful! Thatās the rub, as we were so happy.
As you say. the pain is what we feel because of our happiness. It is like a pendulum.
I wish you and everyone else, comfort and hugs over the next fortnight. X
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Yes I have gone though it all alone no one has spoke to me since my husband passed in dec 22 nor has anyone called to see if am ok , itās been very hard and lonely but Iāve thought o well get to get on with it as no one else cares . Iāve kept myself busy I have no friends but am surviving and only myself to thank
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Hi @Lubear,
Well done for surviving. It is ghastly. It is unbelievable hard. But you have done it. I suspect that there are many folk here who will truly understand the effort to have got this far.
Best wishes to you.
Thatās horrific for you to have struggled through this dreadful time without the support of friends. I have no children so there are times when I feel very alone. Tbh I never realised how wonderful having my husband bumbling around in the house and in my life was
Now here I am without him and itās utter hell on earth. But we have to sink or swimā¦. There are days when Iām definitely a swimmer. I think you are as well.
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Hi Jerry H
Thank you for replying it means a lot that there are still some people who care , still to this day Iāve had no contact from anyone
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Hi Tuppy21
Thank you for replying nice to no some people care I just feel as if I was only spoken to while my husband was a live not even his best friend of 10 years has spoken to me I have come face to face with him and he just turned the other way and never spoke am not going to worry about it anymore as was making me ill
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Lubear, for what itās worth I have found a lot of people whom I thought were friends have not contacted me. On a good day I say to myself itās because they do not know what to say. So donāt take it personally.
I donāt know if you work, but my understanding of our situation is to keep busy, so your mind is distracted.
Good luck.
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Hi @Lubear,
I think many folk who have not been personally touched by death and bereavement are really scared of both, often in denial that it will ever happen to them and also very unsure of what to say or how to support those who have been so touched.
Just to echo what @Tuppy21 said: Certainly finding distractions that work for you can be helpful but personally I would add that spending time being with your grief is also important. The trick is to find a balance between the two that you can tolerate.
Hope you can find a little peace today.
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Hello, I have only just joined this forum.
I hope that you are well since posting your message.
I am in a similar situation to you. My parents are now dead and I have no siblings or children. I had a partner who became critically ill. He is now recovered and as soon as he didnāt need me anymore he finished the relationship. The shock of the whole situation has left me broken a year on. First he was close to death and then he broke my heart.
I have very few close friends and find that when I meet people, my conversation is limited due to my situation. Life is lonely and I canāt believe I have ended up like this. I have my lovely dog, and I am thankful for him. I wonder what my purpose is in life and what the future holds.
I have been searching for a group like this for a very long time. People in our situation are in the minority and there isnāt many groups out there for us. I havent given up, I try to meet and socialise all the time, but most people have some sort of a network. I have nothing and the only people that can understand are those in a very similar situation. It would be good to hear from you. Take care
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Hi Iām sorry to hear whatās happened but youāve reached out and thatās means your trying to improve things for yourself, firstly be proud that you were a caring person that was there for your partner, his actions show the type of person he is so forget him.
Have you looked for a group that walk dogs together? If not go on āmeet upā and suggest one? Maybe look at volunteering to open up your world? A book club at your library? Ask at your library what groups they know off?
You are already moving forward to a better future 
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i am completely alone as well ,i lost my husband nearly 3 weeks ago ,the worst time is coming back to a empty house , and evenings
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Yes, Iām completely alone; no family at all left, and no children. I do have good friends who have been very kind and supportive, which helps, but Iām having to cope with so many house-problems and other things by myself. My partner died in October, and since then Iāve just been really anxious about everything; even driving somewhere in the car Iām scared, because thereās no-one at home to call if something happens. Itās more a case of surviving than coping, just getting up and trying to make a structure for the day.
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I understand. Being in the same boat as you (and itās a miserable one) I sympathise totally. Try not to think about the āwhat ifsā ie the car breaking down or falling down at home. Do you have a mobile phone? Iām sure you have a friend whom you ca n call? Perhaps always carry the phone with you? And ā¦. my counsellor said to me today that it is OK to feel sad - weāre grieving.
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Yes, I even take the mobile on short walks; and have joined the AA. Just so sad that one needs to do this.
Good girl!
Glad youāve joined a breakdown service.
Evenings are tricky I find. Especially Sundays.
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Yes, Sunday is awful. Evenings, I put rubbish tv on as a distraction.
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I lost my husband in February 2023. Just taking one day at a time. But itās really tough. I have two sons but one has a controlling wife so donāt see him or my grandchildren as he said I only talked about myself and being lonely. Luckily my youngest son is helping but doesnāt live near and Iām not a confident driver. I always take my phone on drives in car and on walks with my dog. So nice to off load x