I’m the same no close family.Frightened of the car breaking down frightened of things going wrong in the house .I feel anxious every morning when I wake up it’s horrible.
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I know. I’ve got a leaking conservatory, blocked gutters, woodwork that needs replacing, and am constantly on YouTube trying to find out how to work or mend things. I haven’t really had time to grieve properly, as I’m just worried sick about the house and everything.
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I get your feeling… in my case, I took the opposite route… the grief has been too much…and have not been able to focus much. And now I am back to doing some work in general, though still not in full capacity. I have found that worry does not help, and so only dealt with what was most urgent. As many here on this thread, I have had no one to help me practically, and with very little emotional support. I have learned to pray a lot, and they calm me and now I am at a different space, which allows me to think better and perhaps make some plans. Unfortunately, my atrocious experience has really downgraded my view on humanity.
Big hugs, to everyone…
May God send us angels to protect and comfort us.
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Anxiety happens often for me since the my beloved angelized… and found the deep breathing technique really helps (biologically). However, it does not remove the real source of anxiety, which requires some introspective reflection, and I am still on this journey. To start, it was to find out what and who I can tolerate, which includes others’ behaviour. For example: I am not interested in crumbs dished out by my friends, because I have never treated them this way, and still not. So I lost some friends. Being widowed, we get to be shuffled to the back of the line… very unkind…
Here is an article to share …perhaps it may help us…
Good Boundaries
by Mary Francis January 29
A lot happens after our loved one’s death but in the midst of it all we need to understand that setting good boundaries is necessary so that others don’t control our dreams. It’s important that you don’t base your life on the approval of others to the extent that they don’t respect your space or time.
Many widows today struggle with setting good boundaries:
• Do you take care of everyone except yourself?
• Are you influenced by all kinds of fads?
• Do you go from one bad relationship to another?
• Is your spending out of control?
• Do you feel emotionally unable to cope with others?
• Have you overextended yourself financially?
• Is life so disorganized that you don’t know what to do?
• Do you struggle with good time management?
…
…
there are more in the article, written by a widow who is now a grief councellor.
Here is the full article, to make it easier for everyone
https://sisterhoodofwidows.com/2024/01/29/good-boundaries/Good Boundaries | The Sisterhood of Widows
# Good Boundaries
*by Mary Francis
A lot happens after our loved one’s death but in the midst of it all we need to understand that setting good boundaries is necessary so that others don’t control our dreams. It’s important that you don’t base your life on the approval of others to the extent that they don’t respect your space or time.
Many widows today struggle with setting good boundaries:
** Do you take care of everyone except yourself?*
** Are you influenced by all kinds of fads?*
** Do you go from one bad relationship to another?*
** Is your spending out of control?*
** Do you feel emotionally unable to cope with others?*
** Have you overextended yourself financially?*
** Is life so disorganized that you don’t know what to do?*
** Do you struggle with good time management?*
Do you ever find yourself saying, “Oh no, I’ll never be able to do that”, without even giving it a try? Look at your boundaries and see them for the falsehoods they are. I like the saying “I am responsible for my thoughts and by changing my thinking, I can change my life.”
Don’t let peoples discouraging words stop you from dreaming – deciding – doing what you know deep inside of you, needs to be done. You are good enough, smart enough and able enough to live a happy life. Consider setting boundaries so that your life is more clearly defined and not subject to the circumstances and whims of others.
We have all been created to love and to be loved. I’m here to remind you to love yourself first. I know that we want our loved ones back, but that is not going to happen. That doesn’t mean that we give up – instead we need to live twice as much, love twice as hard and embrace life with twice the passion.
You can get too busy, too overworked, too stressed and as a result of your grief life can be even harder to handle. Boundaries can define what is acceptable and give you a sense of control, but don’t use your boundaries as excuses to sit back and watch life from the side lines.
I am sorry you feel so lonely, trying to cope on your own must be very difficult. I am fortunate in having a son and daughter fairly near and with the kindness of my wife’s relations and neighbours nearby I cannot say I am lonely. However since my wife of 56 years died last October, I do struggle to be alone as I was today especially with the dreary wet weather. I do try to distract myself with chores or TV or come Sue Rider to see how fortunate I am. One has to be brave and go out and make contact with people in the community. When I first went to a local coffee morning for company I was confronted with about 15 strangers who chatting in various groups. Having ordered coffee I then just went to the most friendly looking group and asked if I could join them. They all shuffled round to make room for me and immediately included me in their conversation. I now go every week and have made several new friends who include me in local events. I think the world is full of people who wish you well, you just have to go out and find them. Be brave you have nothing to lose by trying.
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Anxiety often accompanies bereavement I know I experience it everyday Just accept it all apart of the experience of losing someone Don’t feel guilty you will eventually recover but it may take a long time Be patient
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Yes my partner and I bought a plot where she now lies and where I can visit and be with her. I take a small folding chair and a flask and find a comfort there and a short relief from the all-pervasive sadness that has filled the vacuum left by Anne. I tell her many things, that I will always love and care for her, that she remains the number one priority in my life and that the day is not far when I will be with her again. It helps, it’s good. In life, in death, nothing will part us.
I am alone after i lost my husband 19th January this 2024 ,he had pancreatic cancer and i sympathise with you ,i have no immediate family. Take care
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@Stranger1 Very sorry to hear that, are you doing better now ? I am still feel so alone… Send you big warm hugs. Take care. May God send you human angels. 
Thank you so much
sorry and very sorry we meet here. Send you lots of hugs, May God bring you human angels. We sure all need them. 
I do not know how old you are but I have a friend who is 80 a retired professor who teaches an adult ed class. she is now engaged to her co-instructor, also 80. both are widowed. just a thought …
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I’m alone, I try to talk to people on social media. It helps a little, but you still alone the next day.
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I go on face book ,watch music videos ,
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That’s me no immediate family I read watch endless music on YouTube and message friends on Facebook who are either on the other side of the world or got serious health problems so not an option to meet up with them.
Totally agree, I find the mornings - particularly first thing also difficult,
I am so sorry to read this. Like you I lost my husband and sadly have no children… there are times when one can feel very alone. By any chance do you have a cat? dog?
I have a dog, one that my wife saved from a rescue centre. We’re just heading out for the last walk of the evening. He is the reason I get out of bed in the morning, he needs his walk, and this is repeated at lunchtime and dinner time before the final walk of the night. That dog is literally playing a massive part in my existence - yes that isn’t enough to sustain a lifetime, but, it’s a start. The difficulty is trying to build on that when all I want is to be with my wife, just to be with my wife. I’m sorry @Tuppy21 to hear of your loss, it is so hard.
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Tbh our/now my rescue dog, has been my total saviour. Without him I would not have bothered to get up in the morning (what’s the point).
I also find coming back to the house much easier as there is a waggy tail to greet me and also let’s face it, it’s someone to talk to!
But it’s all ghastly and I’m anxious about my future.
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