Totally different life now for you and I out there , I feel I don’t want it right now. My husband was amazing. Always a plan when he got up, didn’t do bored. He was 84 and myself 74 but young for our ages. Cycling, walking ,travelling. Probably wrong but we had few friends, most gone, but just needed each other. Only family close by my son, so I feel so alone.
I dread getting up every day ,thinking “what am I going to do today?”
Like today!
Thinking of you. So many people in the same boat, missing their partners. X
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You sound like you had such a wonderful and adventurous life together. Never boring. So hard to have a different one that you don’t want isn’t it. It doesn’t matter our age, the pain is the same. I saw Greg and I at your age still so in love and doing everything we do now. How cruel life is to take him so young and leave me all alone with no clue what to do. Thinking of you too. xx
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We really did and right up until the end we were crazy about each other. Age has no boundaries. Yes, Greg taken far too soon from you. Life is cruel. You and I have to try and remember the good times, so hard as it is. Because Brian was 10 yrs older than me he often said “just what are u doing with me!” Told him not to be crazy, I love you. How we open our hearts to people on here that we have never met. It’s lovely.
Xx
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I wish we had 30 more years or any more time. It’s so unfair. Cruel isn’t the word. I can’t get unstuck from thinking of horrible things right now but it’s just the way it is until I can work through that I guess. It seems easier to talk to strangers somehow because I know you aren’t a stranger to how I am feeling. xxx
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I know. I wanted the rest of our lives just together. Like we always were. I start to get angry as to why he wanted to leave me. And I know people are kind, but I’m angry at all the cards I’ve been getting. We sent cards for celebrations birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, so why are they celebrating my husbands death?? I know, I know, they are kind, but some day I may be able to look at them with different mindset, but no way yet. We are not strangers, we are all together in this, because we are all suffering the same. Xx
Hi all
Thinking of you all today - I had Tony’s funeral yesterday - was dreading it but it was ok in the end - as ok as a funeral of a 49 year old could be 
The Father made it really personal and you wouldn’t have known he hadn’t met Tony.
Now I have been jolted back into the ‘real’ world with having to contact the DVLA (am waiting for the phone line to open at 8am as they have cancelled his car tax but I am driving his car) I think this is the problem with that ‘Tell me Once’ service - it will contact places you might not need contacting.
I am better at the practical stuff I think - each time I get somewhere with banks / Utility companies etc I feel a bit of accomplishment as Tony was the one to sort of this sort of stuff out - I was clueless!
I also have to send off our original wedding cert, which is making me nervous as we never got copies.
I am so grateful we have a dog as he is forcing me up and out every morning!
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I’m glad you got through the day. I know with my dad it felt like a weight being lifted after his funeral but it wasn’t anything like that with Greg. Did you feel anything? Being thrust back into reality is really hard isn’t it. Same here, I have two cats and if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t get up either probably.
I feel that for many a funeral is seen as representing the end of a process but when it is your partner it is only the beginning.
I would thoroughly recommend a pet to help some way in coping - although our cat isn’t great - not cuddly / particularly friendly at all but our dog is fab - at the wake after he was great - going from one person to the next for belly rubs / stealing a sandwich- helping the atmosphere
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Yes, I agree. Their love is also unconditional - because of you and in spite of you. I have just made enquiries with Cats Protection to replace the little cat I lost in March. They are great company and it’s someone to talk to too.
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that is so true, just the beginning. I love dogs. They bring our the best in people. We had put it off for so long to get another one after losing our best buddy years ago. I am definitely going to get one when I am able. They are great company and will make me feel protected in the house. I miss having a doggie around.
Good morning. Just reading your post makes me feel so sad for you. I’ve just passed the third anniversary of my darling husband’s death. It is so hard and even if you have people around for help support at the start,without sounding ungrateful they all slip back into their lives and you all of us are faced with change you would not have chosen. To try to adapt to a new life you’ve been forced into is so hard. I did find bereavement counseling very helpful. Is that something you could try? Your GP may be able to point you in the right direction. Be kind to yourself and go with the flow. I hope you can feel a little better some time in the day just for 5 minutes. Little steps. Take care
Thanks for saying that. I did talk to a grief counsellor yesterday just to get a feel if it would help. Impossible to tell from one talk but I feel like it may help to talk so I will talk to her again and see how it goes. Being kind to myself is not happening as I feel extreme guilt about everything that happened that day. I am trying to be strong as I know we all are. It’s just so raw still. I’m at 3 weeks today, I can’t imagine 3 years. Today the bloody washing machine has broken down and Greg knew what to do to fix it but I haven’t a clue. Things like that are such harsh reminders. x
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Hi
‘Good’ Morning
I am 3 weeks today and my washing machine has broken down aswell - aaarrgh Tony was the fixer / DIYer!
Before the funeral I went mad painting alot of the woodwork in the house - doors / skirting boards - I have never painted before
Today I have to get a battery for my car - all these things I have never done before, it’s exhausting but I am better when I have practical stuff to do,
Now all the family have gone home after the funeral on Monday and our 17-year-old was out yesterday so a v quiet house
I am looking for what to do with the funeral flowers - there weren’t loads as we asked for donations and just family flowers - there is a charity that use them to make into posies for the elderly but I am not up to driving across London at the best of times so that is my practical thing to do today aswell.
So practically I am ok but emotionally I am a wreck
Am going to look for a grief counsellor aswell - alot of people have said this is a good idea
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that’s a weird coincidence isn’t it. I am so useless with anything that needs fixing. It sounds like your practical things are a kind of therapy for you. That’s really good. I haven’t found that I can do much of anything yet. Had to pay some bills online today, that’s my achievement for the day. Tomorrow I am having a visit with a counsellor from the hospital and hope she can give me some guidance. I know half the world will go through this if they are in a relationship and sometimes more than once but I just feel it is so much harder going through it alone and especially being alone in the house. I was in the bathroom before. what I wouldn’t give to see whiskers in the sink. Hope you can find a counsellor as well.
Hi gns247,
I’m so sorry to hear your very sad news but understand completely how you feel.
I lost my Best Friend of 53.5 years last November. She was my soul mate, the only person who ever knew everything about me, my go to person for everything and she felt the same about me - we were like the sisters neither of us had. After my Mum died in 1991, she insisted that I spent every Christmas with her and her family, I live in London and she lived in South Wales. I’ve always regarded her, her kids and grandkids as family and they felt the same about me. I left my home in July 2020 to go and take care of her when she became ill with Ovarian Cancer, was able to come home for a few days every few months when she was well enough, but when I eventually returned home in January of this year, that was the first time I’d been home since early May 2021 and that’s when it really hit me like a steam train! I am an only child and have never married, although I would have wanted to, and would have loved to have my own kids and grandkids too, but I had a very controlling Dad, and my Mum always needed my support because Dad was never supportive to her, so that had a profound effect on me in finding a partner. Although I do have friends and family that I can talk to, like you I often feel very alone and scared. I’m dreading Christmas and the thought of maybe having to spend it alone.
I have, luckily, found a very good counsellor and have been seeing her regularly for months. She is very good and has helped me a lot but I still feel very alone and scared at times. In your position my advice would be for you to try and find a good counsellor too, but it must be somebody you can build a rapport with, then at least you will have somebody you can talk to in person, and of course you have all of us on here who empathise with how you’re feeling. Please feel free to reply whenever you feel like it, and if you’d prefer to personal message me, that’s fine too - I’m always happy to try and help if I can, even if it’s only to be a “listening ear”. Take care of yourself and let me know how you’re getting on.
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Hello I am here , a somebody who also lost a week before you . My heart goes out to you with care & consideration , it’s real tough I know and the pain loss is overwhelming and suddenly all the people that say oh yes we will be there disappear your left alone with shock etc I know I am in same boat paddling towards some sanity . I am sleeping a lot my healer people say it gets less over time I hope it does for both of us I am on your side I know I feel too I will wish you better each day & stronger best Nikki 
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I know how you feel.
I lost my lovely husband in September .
He was my second husband
I lost my first husband when he was 38.
I know the pain you are going through .
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I hear you and know your pain.
I lost my world on the 23rd September this year. He was my husband, my best friend, my everything and the father to my two boys. I don’t know how to carry on, each day is so painful. People say time helps, I’m trying to be brave for my boys but it’s so hard.
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I lost my husband on the 21st sep. This year. Only 5 weeks ago. He was my life, my world my soul mate and best friend. I am totally and utterly devastated and heart broken. .
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I opened his ashes today. Heartbreaking. Miss him so much. You know how I feel as you are grieving yourself and I feel for you.
So scary reading all these messages and realising we are not on our own. X
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