Solost,I know what you mean I thought I was the only with those feelings as well.I thought I was going mad at first but having posted on here has given me comfort.I do post on here with questions about what I should do when confronted with various situations.It’s lovely that you are able to play music with your son,a lot of different music does bring up a lot of memories,it’s very evocative and makes me a bit teary but that’s just the way it is x
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My husband’s cousin sent a card after my husband died, saying to get in touch if I needed anything. But no address or contact number!
I thought I knew the ‘friends’ who would be there for me in a crisis. After my husband was killed on the motorbike I know for the most part they don’t exist. And I certainly won’t be getting in touch with them.
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Some people can be so thoughtless,others suck the life out of everything.There are some lovely people out there as I have found.I hope the thoughtless people may understand how their actions may effect others as they will surely be in our situation at some time in their lives.
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I found this poem that puts my feelings in a nutshel.
I’ll miss you tomorrow
When the toothpaste cap is on
I’ll miss you tomorrow
When I must unlock the front door
I’ll miss you tomorrow
When mine is the only reflection in the mirror
But I will celebrate today
The memories of you.
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Hi there
My experience is so similar to yours I think. My darling John died suddenly, cardiac arrest at 65. So many plans we had made for when he retired but he never made it. Alone now dealing with this grief is awful. I’m trying to live my life the best way that I can on my own but with help from my lovely sons and their families. I’ve cried so many tears and it’s made no difference to the way I feel. I now know he’s not coming back and this is my life. I just have to carry on.
To everyone living this nightmare I send my love
Georgina
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Morning my lovely husband passed 11/11/2020 and haven’t seen some of my friends since then but lucky have to beautiful children and 2 granddaughters take care lv annie x x
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I know how you feel. It is so, so hard to see other people getting on with their lives and we are still trying to pick up the pieces of ours.
It is 47 weeks today that Ian passed away, suddenly and unexpectedly. I am feeling his loss more and more each day and just can’t seem to ‘pick’ myself up. I’ve no interest in anything. Family live a long way away and I’ve no real close friends anymore.
I’m not feeling sorry for myself but that’s the way it is. We were together for over forty years and were happy to just be with each other.
Why is life so cruel?
Julie x
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I’ve gone thru all the “firsts” , now it’s a daily existence. After the initial gush of thots, flowers, cards etc , I’m left to get on with things.
Because I haven’t asked for help, I am wondering if I’ve distanced myself from others by trying to be more independent?
I look out the window at neighbours & think just wait till it’s your turn - -
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Hi
I’m wondering the same now. I can meet with people and they don’t even mention Ian. Sometimes, it’s as if he never existed and yet inside, that’s all I’m ever thinking about.
I am having counselling but she’s had to cancel today’s meeting due to traffic conditions. In fact, I haven’t met with her since February as she’s either been poorly or I’ve been away. It’s no wonder it hasn’t helped really.
I’ve come to realise that I’ve only been able to rely on the support and understanding from others on this site. I would be lost without it.
Take care
Julie x
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I think it’s the just existing I find the most difficult,remembering all the things we used to do and what we were going to do.I’m sure I will be invited to family days out,how do I enjoy them without Kevin by my side.When I look in the mirror I feel the spark has gone from me,I just feel dead inside staggering one day to the next with no end.I’m having a bad day today I sense and this feeling will probably linger most of the day.I am trying do things like a little gardening,sewing anything to fill the day.I know I should be trying sort through my husbands effects and throw things like clothes not needed but it’s so upsetting I’m not ready yet.I can’t tell family and friends how bad it gets as I’m sure it will upset them and what’s the point in that as they don’t really understand a d can’t do anything about it. x
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Just got to say I feel the same ,only existing no really living carole and I were inseparable and didn’t need anyone else
so finding it hard to start finding new friends, maybe to early yet .I have good days and bad the good days are tolerable but the bad days are awful 
today a bad day .
Everyone keep keep going and doing what you think is right to get you through the life ahead.
John
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Today is a bad day for me as well ……. I just think what is the point of doing anything.
My son, who lives abroad, won’t even talk about his dad and my daughter who lives a long way away does but just keeps making empty promises. She has always been like this and Ian and I just accepted it but it’s hard to be so forgiving when I’m on my own.
Sorry for sounding so negative.
Julie x
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I’m afraid I’m having a bad day today,couldn’t sleep too well and now got a banging headache as well.It’s just so hard not having loving arms around you and someone to just pass the time of day with on a regular basis every day.I miss my husband so much I can’t visualize a future without him we were so close.I know I’m not alone in this as there is so many just on this site,but it’s so hard to carry on.I wish everyone on here may find some sort of peace.
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Hi all so hard for us to have a good day it was a year yesterday when I lost my husband suddenly as you all know how hard life is with out them by our side loving us and sharing every thing as you say people don’t realise they getting on with there normal lives seem to think that we should feel better how can we this site is helpful thinking of you all hope you can manage rest day best you can on this journey together take care xx
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I thought the anniversary was worse than the actual day hubby passed.
Think it was a reality check.
Just back from coffee with a good friend, she crams so much into her life, that it makes me feel like quite pathetic.
My “get up & go” has “got up & gone” - - it’s like I’m afraid of the outside world.
I want to do things but something is stopping me.
Kind thoughts to all xx
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I think shock kicks in when your loved one passes away,I think it insulates temporarily so you can function.When reality kicks in thats the hardest part to cope with.I can’t be bothered to do anything much at the moment.When the anniversaries arrive that’s when I will feel things more acutely.That’s when I shall shut myself away and curl up in a little ball and hope the world will go away.I do turn off my electronic gadgets so if anyone wants me they can reach me via a message,I just don’t want to talk to people asking how I am,because they don’t really want the answer they’ll get because it’s not what they want to hear.
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Don’t apologise or feel negative. Your feelings matter, it’s part of the journey.
I speak to Ian ever day (he called it nagging) as if he is in the room - my daughter says that’s ok as long as I don’t start arguing with myself.
I’ve been for coffee with a good friend, but it’s only midday & I’m thinking I’ve had enough - when’s bed time!!
Be kind to yourself.
G. Xx
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I understand that glad you hit a good friend and went out for coffee it helps we have a lot of time to fill alone don’t we it’s so hard how long do I have to do this I ask myself
Xx
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Hi all, I found the best friends and most supportive I have made since Doug died, have all either lost a parent or partner and they just get it. X
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I wonder if any one can give me a heads up how to refuse an invitation.My brother is being given a suprise 70th birthday party.I went to his daughter’s wedding which took me away from home for 3 days.It was a tremendous strain for me but I felt I had to be there as I believe my family felt I should make the effort.This birthday I feel will cause me unnecessary strain which I. ould do without.My feelings are still very near the surface and i just want to confine myself to close friends and family.I don’t want to have people coming up to me asking how I am etc.How do I refuse without upsetting my brother’s wife?