Glenn so sorry to hear you’ve had a really bad afternoon and are feeling shit… I don’t doubt you get help and support from this group but do you think formal bereavement counselling from one of the cancer charities like Marie Curie would help you ? Maybe something to consider as you are hurting dreadfully at present … take care
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Thank you
X Julie
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Hi , it’s been suggested to me before and counselling is something I dismissed. Today I just missed her incredibly and reached out to my friends for a talk and a cuddle. It’s sometimes all I need .
I’m not all doom and gloom , I will support anyone on here if they need help with something . Today was a bad one , I’m allowed it no matter what anyone thinks .
At times I think I’m ok , I’m not . Thanks those who listen and to everyone struggling at times you are not fully alone on here .
Sorry to be negative today folks .
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Hello Glen54
Please don’t feel you ever have to apologise for expressing how you feel. This is what this site is for as everyone on here has good and bad days. Some days I feel I can cope with everything and other days I just want to disappear as life feels just too lonely and heartbreaking without Ian.
It’s been just over 13 months since he passed away unexpectedly and yet I still just take each day as it comes……
Take care
Julie x
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I have also had an horrendous day!
Woke up yearning for my husband, that left me vulnerable
My daughter then came and we fell out!
Feeling suicidal since!
My son and daughter-in-law have been brilliant, they have comforted me this evening, I despair of my daughter xx
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So sorry to hear about your day. Glad your son and daughter-in-law stepped in and helped comfort you. No one will ever know how awful this is until they experience it. Tomorrow is another day. Thinking about you tonight. Take care and know that everyone here understands. Sending love xx
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Thank you , this is such a hard journey xx
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Yes, I agree. I don’t let grief define me - it just is. Nothing I can do, I am now this person. I cant believe this is now my utterly pointless life, full of pain without Sharon.
I’m very interested in 19nn history, and I think the difference with “the stiff upper lip” they showed is that whilst our generations ACT the same in losing a partner (no one actually knows how I feel, despite I say “it’s just total shit but I keep going” so I appear to others to be OK) - we have the advantage to be able to read exactly what others in our situation are going through, and to write our thoughts. People didn’t have this in the past, and no way could I talk about this the way I do here. For me personally, this site has massively gained me an understanding that I’m not being singled out for torture, that the physical side is normal, that for some of us the World is now total shit and that whilst I’m not sure I believe it, and I won’t ever get over being without my soul, apparently after a few years it will ease. So to all: keep on posting please, and I hope it works for you like it does for me.
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Grandma
We are all going through massive grief on this site I hate every given day I see no one I have no family. My David knew I would not cope without him and he said it a lot of times and perhaps it is a calling from him with all the shit which keeps coming my way. So I am sorry you think these posts are depressing perhaps go on a happier forum as far as I can read most people feel the pain like me which there is nothing to be uplifting about.
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It’s so hard for us all if we was feeling ok we would not be on here I wish I was not like us all it is not getting any easier 14 months now out on the face that people want to see it’s a hard time year as we would be planning holidays now what managing to go out it’s an effort as just want to be with my husband
Sending those that need a hug I know I’m not alone some days it’s more struggle and tears just come missing him more than ever today
Take care xxx
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I think that the posts are useful expressions of pain, loss and despair that are a shared experience among many of us. But once one starts to get on top of those feelings, the posts can seem a little excessive. It’s almost as if the community should be divided up into stages, according to the extent of despair and grief. Sub groups for those who are improving might be good and it would be possible to “graduate” from one sub group to another as one gets on top of things?
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Yes Jessica we all going thru massive grief - me too -
What I said was I felt the posts are getting more depressive.
We are all in the same boat but need to try & work out a way thru it. I appreciate it is more difficult for some and possibly I’m further along with dealing with things.
I try to post a bit positivity which I hope is helpful to some.
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As the person who wrote the original post, I just want to be clear that it wasn’t meant to be negative. It was realistic and summarized my experience.
As I pointed out there are sparks of hope that help us, but at the end of the day we find ourselves with a massive void in our lives, not to mention dealing with the physical and emotional pain that accompanies the loss.
The question is how we manage that. Is distraction the best way? Is confronting the pain head on the best way? There are probably times for both these strategies and possibly more ways that others have found. And at times we have zero control over the waves that consume us and simply have to embrace them and ride them out. It changes from day to day, month to month as we try to comprehend what has happened, and move forward in some form.
I think writing helps us express ourselves and if it helps us relieve the pain a little in a safe environment with others who understand then that can only be good, even if there is a lot of pain and sadness to be expressed and it can be hard to read because internally we identify with it so personally.
I think in general friends, relations etc want us to move on and just say we feel better. It makes it easy for them because they don’t have to deal with our profound sadness and pain. They don’t want to think about how shit their life would be without their partner.
I am glad my post has resonated with so many people and helped them express their feelings. Everyone is different. We do have to look for the sparks of hope to keep us going.
We all share a common bond here and I am so glad we have this as an outlet for our expression and love for our partners that we all miss so very much x
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Hello LoveForever
I’ve just read your original post and I could have written it myself. The only difference would be is that I lost Ian 13 months ago. Apart from that, I feel exactly as you did then and do now.
Thank you
Julie x
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I lost me beautiful husband of 35 years on 30th May. 2022. He went to work that morning and never came home again! He was 54 and killed by one of his work lorries!
The loss and pain and circumstances in which he died is unbearable. I have cried every single day since the accident and cannot imagine carrying on without out him. We have two children 23 & 25 and if it wasn’t for them I would surely join him.
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Hi @Christine10, I’m so sorry for your loss, and such unfortunate circumstances, so young too. My heart goes out to you, you have done the right thing joining us here. You will find comfort sharing your feelings in this community where everyone is in the same situation, going through the same pain, we can understand how you are feeling right now. I lost my beautiful husband suddenly from a heart attack at only 57 yrs of age, fit and healthy, no warning signs, still can’t believe it. I also have two kids more or less the same age as yours and they do give me strength to go on.
Sending you a hug and hope you will keep sharing here, I promise it does help, only someone who has also lost a soulmate can relate to us.
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My heart goes out to you! Phil went out cycling 24th November 2021 and never came home. I know it’s ridiculous but I keep thinking that he never knew that he wouldn’t come home. Crazy thoughts.
So sorry for your loss and everyone on here.
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Hi Grandma
I really resonate with what you are saying. It’s been 15 months since I lost my husband and although this site makes you realise you are not the only one suffering it does sometimes bring me down. Especially when I have a better day I read some posts and feel guilty for feeling better.
Life will never be the same for any of us as we will
always carry this sadness with us but we must carry on. Yes it’s tough, yea there are days when it’s difficult to function but we have to push on. My husband has gone but will always be in my heart but I have two sons and four grandchildren who need me to carry on.
Much love to everyone in the middle of this nightmare.
Georgina
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7 months for me…I did start to feel like I was making progress…and then the last 2 weeks have been horrendous…its trying to accept that I will never see or touch him again…you know when you just want to feel that person…I’m not lonely I have good friends…but I miss him !!! Am going away with friends for a week soon …have anxiety thinking will I cope because sometimes I want to be alone to think about David .Sending so much love to all of you in this heartbreaking situation…take care …keep posting when you feel the need x x x
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@LoveForever You nailed it, I totally agree with everything you said, I’ve pasted most of it in my “coping” notes, thanks.
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