@MoBe i will, that was the 1st time ive seen her , ours are normally online and i kept getting 2 week notes. I dont want to take them but im worried i will have a stroke or heart attack at the rate im going, and i dont want his brother blaming him for my death to.
Does your heart beat fast?
Mine races, especially at night, then Iām exhausted. Try to stay up as late as possible to make sure I can fall asleep. If I wake up I listen to an audio book to go back over. Then itās morning again and the whole shit show repeats.
7 weeks tomorrow, I relive every second and her face as sheās dying is burnt into my soul. I wish I had gone with her.
Yes its getting better, at first i couldnt go to bed before 12.30, then i can go by 11 but my heart pounds , then i wake up at 2.30 woth my heart racing, then the over thinking starts. The trouble with sleeping you wake up wishing you hadnt and having to face another day without them
Try thinking of it as another day that your loved ones are living the day in your heart with you.
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My heart used to pound constantly but that seems to of eased recently. Iām not sure if tablets help as you will eventually have to come off them, but if they help you thatās all that matters xx
7 weeks today
Iāve buried the ashes of her dog with her, broke my heart doing it but it feels nice thinking they are there together. She had bought him with her own money when she finished treatment the first time she was diagnosed. He was a rescue Dalmatian, she idolised him, he died the year before her.
I hate weekends
Full of families doing family things.
My home is empty, my heart is empty, my life is empty
Thatās is nice, they are together and not easy to do either. I e been crying today, havenāt cried for a good few days. I think itās because Iāve had a lot of dealings with the estate agent about my sons flat. I am feeling very flat today, if only, why, will never get the answers. I am still having to break each day to segments to cope. This site as I always say is my lifeline where people really do care and understand. Itās lovely and sunny where I am which helps. Take care of yourself xx
Itās never going to go away and dealing with your sonās flat is going to be very hard. I have to sort my motherās house out soon and that will be hard but nothing compared to dealing with your sonās
I donāt think anything can compare to losing a child. Every other loss is expected at some point. The loss of a child is just cruel, I truly believe I am in hell.
It is so hard, especially when I had to look at the details and they had the wrong information trying to sell it. In a way I want it out of the way, as itās crippling me with heartache. I e lost my Mum and Dad within the last two years, I thought that was bad but nothing compares to this, I canāt get my head round it again I will never see him again. My negativity doesnāt help you though, sorry, but off loading. Sort your Mums house etc when you feel you can as it wonāt be easy. This journey of grief Iām finding again is hell, just like what you and all of us are going through xx
Hard day, not sure if its because my youngest is also away all weekend at a uni open day, triggers that my son was so unhappy at Uni, his last two years myst have been so sad, but hid it all away from us.
How can i live without him he always needed more support that my youngest, this pain is still unbearable
I had a really bad afternoon yesterday, the panic set in as I couldnāt remember what my son sounded like anymore. Watched a video clip of many he had sent me, watched it and it made me worse. With your son at uni open day is so hard for you. Iām not even sure how I can cope anymore without my son, the pain has become unbearable again. Is this what the rest of our lives going to be like. Remember minute by minute is all we can do. Take care xx
Its so hard , Im back to feeling lost and not sure what to do, iāve avoided all messages from the last week, especially one 4 messages now on Iām really really worried about youā¦ I so want to reply if you were really really worried you would knock my door, her mums garden backs on to mine and she sees her every day
Itās so hard, people always let you down.
The best about it is they probably think theyāre so supportive.
I know Iāve shut myself off from a lot of people but most donāt even bother to message, even my own siblings. I think because itās easier for them.
It like @MJG always says, the best support is on here.
Just wish we werenāt all scattered across the country.
MoBe i said the otherday to someone, we could do with a commune for us all, then it would be completely natural to walk around crying as we did daily chores etc
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That sounds perfectā¤ļø
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MoBe and Taff, we should have our own little commune, we could cry, scream, talk how we feel and we would listen to each other.
Iāve literally isolated myself even more xx
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Me too, donāt really want anyone in my world who hasnāt suffered the same loss as me.
Ive ignored all messages from the last week apart from a select few, feel like Iām very much like my son, he said it was easier to be lonely and sad than socialize, iām getting it now.
Hi All, my 4th week back at work. Back to full time this week, itās really tough.
Christmas fast approaching again, omg I miss Daniel so much 
xx
Take care everyone x
Gill1960, please donāt go over doing it being back at work full time, but perhaps in a way it helps you. Iām lay even lower than every from the majority of people, find itās easier. Take care xx