It was my sons choice

@MJG This must be so unbelievably hard for you. You’ll have so many emotions to deal with, trying to be supportive but it must be so triggering.
We’re all here for you, remember minute by minute xx

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I lost my son 9 years ago; reading this post and the kind responses rekindles those dreadful memories but also makes me want to help. Not by saying you will get over it or such nonsense. Just to say I wish I could help, like many of us and to say you are not alone. I know its fashionable to say it was a “choice” but I have learnt that that is not true, its much closer to the truth to say they had no choice. All I can say to help is he always loved you, and you, you love him and will not forget him. God bless.


Thank you. Broken but in a different way. I have found strength today I never knew I had. Hope it lasts. How are you doing. I need everyone one here more than ever xx


Thank you Iain, now a further on this journey I can see it wasnt a choice, choice implies options to rationalise between he couldnt do that, he could only see one option.

Hi Taff unfortunately all inquest are public unless there is a national security issue or something like that…
The press can attend of they seem it on the public interest to report

Hopefully they will be able to give you some answers as it paints the bigger picture. He may have continued to see the team without you knowledge? But you need some answers.xx

You need to be there for your partner and the strength you have is from that strong woman who is, and always will be, a mother.
Don’t forget you are grieving too, now for both your boys. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you having to go through this is soon. My mother died 6 weeks before my daughter but I was (and still am) so caught up in what was happening with my daughter it didn’t really register. I think if she had died after things would have been so much worse.
Thought about you all day, here for you anytime. Message me privately if it makes things easier xx

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Thank you MoBe for your kindness shown, broken again, but like you say I will have the strength xx

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Chicken - Our inquests are either written ( there is no physical hearing) or read only - there is a hearing. While I would like to ask questions to the health board, I know I wont get any answers (think I would like it to be like American were you can get a mental health autopsy so going through his case notes etc to try and understand his mind) , so probably would prefer a written one to keep it out of the press.

@MJG im so very sorry, here if you need a chat. Take care xx

Thank you, I don’t know where I’m getting my strength from, feels like yesterday we were doing all this for my son. Hope you are ok❤️ xx

@MJG i can’t imagine what you’re going through. Yes, a bit down, had a phone call today asking for my son, really knocks the wind out of you x

Your story is very similar to mine. My daughter’s husband found my girl in bed in the morning ,cold and unresponsive. I ll never forget the pure fear and heartbreak of seeing her. I’m so sad .

I ended up having to go and see the mental health rapid response team today as everything got a bit too much for me this morning as it was 5 weeks today that I found Harry. Feeling a bit more stable now after talking things through but only you in this group will understand the pain and the feeling of loss. I hope tomorrow will be a better day :heart:

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@Haribo yes we do understand .

We are having to deal with such a big trauma . Not only the loss of a child but the cause of death makes it so more complex .
I’m glad you sought and received help.
Five weeks is still so early .
I’m 4 and a half months on and still in disbelief .
I don’t think we can ever accept it but we somehow have to live along side it and keep going for our families .
It is so hard .
Keep talking as I find it does help .

Take care of yourself


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@Haribo It’s just so terrifying. Someone said how much grief is like fear. That horrible sense of total and utter fear, wanting to run and run to escape the pain. The sheer terror of knowing you will never see them again. The need to escape the horror of what is happening, How can this be happening to you? How can the have gone? How can this be real? Please God let this be someone else’s life.
11 weeks for me and I am feeling totally abandoned.
No one calls, no one visits not one single person has asked to visit her grave. How can she mean so much to me but so little to others?
Grief is a very lonely place.

MoBe it certainly is and we are going through it again. My so called best, no longer, has never even asked to see my sons resting place which is right outside my patio doors. We are back to minute by minute. Funeral director out tomorrow, it’s only 8 months ago he was here for my sons, know my partners son. I’m having to be strong for him. Broken again. Keep messaging I’m here for you❤️ xx

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It must be so hard for you, resurfacing so many emotions.
I’m having such a hard day, a lot of triggering.
My other daughter is going back to work, rejoined the gym and I feel she’s moving on a little. While I want that for her, and ultimately me, it feels like another betrayal. Only I am left grieving. I will grieve forever and a day because I love her so much and to not grieve is to not love.

So many emotions but none like the loss of my own son…I know that sounds so bad. Yes it’s good your daughter starting to pick up little bits of her life, so hard for you though. You will do little things when you are ready…no guide line for how long it takes. I’ve had to come out of my comfort zone in the last few days… no choice but I’ve done it. My son would be saying up your game Mum you are needed to give support . Another funeral looms :smiling_face_with_tear:,another young life gone

My daughter said life doesn’t give you a choice, it still happens whether you want it to or not. You’ve been forced into doing things you wouldn’t be doing normally by helping your partner with dealing his son’s death.
I noticed in my earlier message I said I wanted my daughter to move on and ultimately I want that for me, I meant I want her to move so I can leave her knowing she’s ok. I can never move on, I don’t want to spend the next 30years living this sorrow, just waiting to die. When she’s settled I plan to go and that’s what keeps me here now.
There are far too many grieving parents here, too many dying. Please know I am thinking of you all the time xx

So ive done the ’ holding counselling’ so see if i can cope with trauma counselling. Im still in the severe psychological distress catagory.
. So in the weeks Ive been there the counsellor ( who’s general, bereavement , relationships etc) has told me to go away for Christmas as i now can, no more routines that I have to stick to. Yesterday it was now its my time in life i’ve given up 21 years for my son now its my time I need to plan for the future, rebook the holiday I cancelled… What !!! I so hope she never has to go through this. My kids were my life, I choose not to have a career, to put all my energies into them. I dont want to plan a future without my son not there, I can never see me being happy again. She can not understand how i have so much guilt when hes an adult and could have asked for help… how I didnt speak my mind i do not know