Yell away . Feeling angry is a natural reaction.
My son also seemed ok .
They hid it so well 
Yes itās distressing when bank accounts are closed etc, I found it hard. Iām in the progress of selling my sons flat as I will never go there again, thatās where I found him that Friday, it broke me when my partner went to clear it out. However I knew in my heart all this horrible things need doing no matter how hard it is. Only a few weeks ago I got a load of plates took them outside and told my partner to smash them, he looked horrified at me, told him if he didnāt do it I would. I wanted to hear the noise of something being smashed as I was so angry at him taking drugs. It felt good hearing the smashing of the platesā¦ I know that sounds crazy but it helped. You will be amazed that you will find the strength on the 24th, you will do it for your son who you dearly and love so much. I feel your pain and heartache but we are all on this site to try and help you, Iām not sure if Iām any help to you but Iām here for you. I was a mess the day before the funeral but was determined I would get through it and I know this sounds weird but I knew the service word for word and I enjoyed itā¦.i know that sounds so odd. I broke down eventually when we got back homeā¦just me no my partner. We are all different and deal with this journey in our own way. My so called best friend hasnāt a clue of how I feelā¦.she never bothers to ask me. Do what you canāt when you can. Sending you big hugsā¤ļø xx
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My son hid it well, fighting the dreaded demons with his drink and drugs. I never gave up on him and never willā¦always there to stop anyone saying anything I donāt think is right, angry at the world some days but itās all part of this awful journey. I have started to out loads of photos on a memory stick of him, I look back when he was first born and think how did this all go so wrong. I know I couldnāt have done anymore. What some people who donāt have to use this site that addiction is an illness and chemical imbalance eventually in the brain which is always there unfortunately even if you are clean of drink and drugs. My son relapsed so many times and it would be awful seeing him in the come down. I think on bad days which there are loads of he is at peace and resting. Big hugs xx
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I used to do a photo album of our whole year, think I will now stop at 2022, cannot bear to do one of 2023 where he is no longer with us 1/2 way through. Heās been at Uni these last 3 years so even these last 3 years I have less of him, his graduation photo is his last one with the two of us together.
@Tilly13 Thank you , it does help talking to people who understand, I much appreciate all your comments
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Yes we are all different and we find our own ways to help cope. But one thing I will say, you donāt have to be strong. I tried for so long, a year to be honest until I finally had to accept I wasnāt ok, Iāve taken 6 months off work again.
Iāve lost both my parents but nothing compares to losing a child. Iām divorced from his father, would it be easier if we were together, I really donāt know. I do have a partner whoās amazing.
Iām so glad Iāve found this group, thank you to everyone. We are sure going through the most difficult times of our lives but we h r each other for support xx
Iāve lost both of my parents and I thought that was bad but nothing compares to this. My ex husband committed suicide, there was no love lost between us however it really shook me up and my son who then blamed me for everything when he was under the influence of drink and drugs. This pain is horrendous but this site and people are amazing and help me so much. Thank youā¤ļø xx
@MJG i begged my ex husband to help when my son was at his worst with drugs, but he wouldnāt. I sometimes wonder if my son had had a good male influence in his life would this have happened? Ifs and buts again xx
I left me ex when my son was 1, he was a heavy drinker, then came the punches. I moved away with my parents. My son saw his Dad once a month up til the age of 11, then my ex just stopped seeing him and have no idea why to this day. My son used to blame me. I know addiction is a chemical imbalance, the more you have the more you want of drugs. So manyās ifs like you say and no answers xx
Spent the night awake with my heart pounding, i cannot do tomorow, wish i had just said myself and husband now
Taff you will be able to do tomorrow. We are all with you tomorrow. You can do it for your sonā¤ļø xx
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Thank you, we went to the chapel of rest, it was quite calming , a closed coffin, and myself and my husband chatted but lots of why questions. Though then came home to find a message from work, our therapeutic pig has had to be put to sleep today, Evan never got to meet her.
Glad you went to the chapel of rest and you found a bit of peace. Well done in going, you did more than me, I didnāt go. I will be taking time out of my day tomorrow to think of you and reflect. I canāt say I will say a prayer as Iām not religious. Yes so many questions why, I ask myself that every day. You can do tomorrow, massive hug to youā¤ļø xx
I survived, just sat in a chair and cried my way through most of it. Couldnāt cope with some people wanting more information to find out why he did it , how far from home did he go, some relatives couldnāt say anything to me even in our house I felt I was being avoided, now just left with this feeling of dread that I now have to live without him, so many things with him living at home he will now miss, the 1st is his brothers 18th in a few weeks, I had visions of them off to the pub together.
My already broken heart aches for you and your poor boy .
You got through it and now the reality will hit so be prepared .
People will avoid you because they donāt know what to say . Iāve found that .
I donāt know why people have to ask questions about it . You just need to shut them down the minute they ask .
We have enough questions of our own without other people going on and itās nothing to do with anyone else .
Look after yourself tonight and going forward .
One step at a time .
Day by day
Hi Taff, you have been in my thoughts all day and I took time out to reflect as well. So glad you got through the funeral, but like Tilly said be prepared for the reality setting in. People donāt know what to say and say some really stupid things.
Iāve been sat crying for the last few hours, opened up my email to find my sons inquest has been brought forward and all the full report attached. I know thatās in the future for you to have to deal with, I thought I was prep for itā¦.Iām far from it.
Take care, be kind to yourself. Keep talking on here xx
Not good, slept with my son last night ( since he had 5 cans of cider) they when he went to work went back to my bed. Went to burial ground again this am, but there are two graves and couldnt work out which one. Now thinking of todays heavy rain and how wet he will get. Just dreading the trying to live with this now, he had moved back from Uni he was supposed to be here for next 2 years for his masterās, so many questions that will haunt me forever that i didnt do more