Yep that’s the same as me, wear myself out by exercising a lot, it’s the only way I can cope xx
I used to do 15,000 steps a day, now im lucky if i hit 4000
I aim to walk about 10 miles a day if I can. Whatever you can achieve in these circumstances helps. My heart pounding today and on the verge of crying. How are you coping with your husband back at work? just remember little steps. We were low on milk yesterday, no way was I going to get milk in the village, would rather drive 10 miles to get it, luckily my partner went to the local shop. I just can’t be bothered with people, think I’m turning into a recluse…think it’s easier. Take care xx
@MJG I spend an awful lot of time on my own, that’s my choice. I try not to make to many plans, just take each day as it comes. I don’t know about you but I don’t seem to have any motivation anymore. Some days i really have to push myself just to get dressed.
I need to get this sorted as I’m gonna no back to work in a month. Maybe it will do me good being in a routine again??
It’s a difficult decision for you about returning to work, good point is you will be with people and hopefully they are understanding, bad point is are you ready to return to work, I guess if you don’t try you won’t know. I’m not sure if that was any help or not sorry, getting motivated is hard some days. I loose my self in the garden and exercising, walking, swimming even taken to jogging on the spot. I have always exercised loads but at the moment it’s to the extreme. One benefit I sleep well xx
If I didn’t have to return to work I wouldn’t .
We need the income though . Got a daughter to get through uni .
When I do go back though I will make it clear I can’t handle any stress. I may even reduce my hours as full time at the min .
I’ve been thinking about looking for a job working from home so I don’t have to see people.
It’s not the work that bothers me it’s dealing with people .
Xx
Yep it all boils down to money unfortunately but your health is important too. Maybe you could be phased back into work gradually if that helps you, but fully appreciate about the money side. At least a job working from home is an idea. My income comes from my holiday let, but that won’t see me through the winter, they only reason I have that is that Dad left his bungalow to me and I am in the coast, so decided last year to do that. I was meant to go to work for one of my friends in her honey shop but haven’t been, can’t deal with people, think I’m a bit of a recluse but find it suits me at the moment as some days are such a struggle and can’t commit myself to anything xx
I will see what happens . Only lost my son 10 weeks ago . Still signed off .
I couldn’t care less about money and material things I just want to make sure my daughters ok .
She is what I live for 
Such early days for you, I’m nearly 6 months since I lost my son, in a way it does get bit easier, then wallop, here we go again. Yes your daughter is important in all this. My son was my only child. See what your GP says when you speak to them. I was going to go and get my GP to go through the post mortem and toxicology, I have googled everything as I really can’t be bothered to sit in a waiting room and then a doctor say how are you….what a stupid question I think. Take care xx
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Thank you .
Hope you get on ok with your friend today
Xx
Thank you. Met my friend who I used to work with, had a giggle and good talk. Going to meet her for lunch in next few weeks. She understands when I have a wobble. Just had my so called best friend message….full of moans and groans about her health again. Doing my head in. How has your day been. The sun has been so nice. Xx
Glad you had a nice time .
I’ve had a walk out today .
Not feeling great.
They say it gets easier with time but the more time that passes just means it’s longer since I last saw my boy .
I really can’t cope .
Sorry I know you’re going through it to .
It’s just torture . 
Glad youve both been out, think we are always going to struggle, ive had to try and function for my sons 18th, we didnt do what we had planned ( though lots thought we should have as it would have done me good! I was a bit blunt what drive for 5 hours after no sleep for 5 weeks and no Evan to share driving stay in a cottage with an empty bedroom and my son do his 18th present activity on his own )
At least im home again, i can sleep ( well lie awake in his bed) again.
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Glad you managed to go for a walk. Sometimes that is not easy either. I used to count the days and weeks, but I’ve seemed to of stopped that. Nothing is easy, what we would give to have a hug from our beloved boys or girls. No one understands that pain we have to live with, people says as time goes on it gets less painful…only time will tell on that I guess. Take care xx
I’m so glad you managed to do your sons 18th birthday, not at all easy I can fully understand but be proud of yourself for doing it. Hope you manage a few hours sleep tonight, any little bit helps. I’ve been extremely lucky as I sleep really well, probably because I exhaust myself by exercising…think it’s a coping mechanism 
. Maybe tomorrow you may be able to have a small walk somewhere, are you still writing your journal? I am I find it helps me. Take care xx
Still ding teh journal, though why most of it is me talking to me son, I am trying to put feelings, my sleep ( or lack of it) crying, appetite so hopefully I can see how it changes
I think over a time when you feel ready to read back on it you will see how many little steps you have taken and how you are feeling. I do get it when you say it’s a one way conversation, I do the same but if it helps us then it is beneficial. Take care xx
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Ive been trying to copy it from an unpublished blog to a word doc so I have a 2nd copy but google has spent most of the day, freezing ive not got far. Husband goes back to work tomorrow so I will have to start driving like it or not, to get my son places. Think ive spent most of the day in tears
Maybe try again tomorrow when google not playing up. I e spent the whole afternoon crying, my partner just come in from work, oh why are you crying. I’m still crying, will be glad when today is over. I hope you get on okay tomorrow with husband back at work and having to drive, deep breath and you will do it. Take care tomorrow…it’s another step forward, probably one we don’t want to do but have to. Xx
Hello Taff,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. I just wanted to share our Grief Guide journaling tool with you. You can create an account and keep a private journal.
Just wanted to share this as another option if you’re having trouble with Google.
Take good care,
Seaneen