It's the little things

Hi l saw a topic called it’s the little things but can’t find it again( l have low vision and struggle with my phone. I think it was in the coping with bereavement group l was wanting to read it so much as the little things for me are devastating on a daily basis and l was interested what others experiences are. Thanks

Hi gardenlass
I just did a search for in the search bar at the top of the page (looks like a magnifying glass)
There was a topic called that in august 2019 and something similar early in 2019.
If you think it was more recent just scroll through the subjects on the page until you find it?
Cheryl x

Yes it is there because i was the one who started it…I have tried to post the link to it but it wont let me…

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Yes it is there as i was the one who started the topic but it wont let me post the link to it…May 2019

Jackie…

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Hi Jackie
Thanks l have found the topic now. Though it’s had me in tears it’s been such a comfort. Though it’s my second Christmas without my partner it’s still the little thing that get to me l broke his favourite cereal bowl recently and l was devastated even though l know he will never leave my heart it felt like l was loosing another part of him . There are no rules on this new path we are on and sometimes l feel the wieght of expectation that l should be ’ getting over this’ or ‘back to normal’ or 'getting my act together ’ all those actions that l have had said to me. You have given me permission to feel what l am feeling. Sending you all love and best wishes and warm thoughts . :two_hearts:

My hubby 's cup still.sits on his desk, the last cup of tea he drank, he loved his Yorkshire tea bags. He’s been gone nearly 9 months and I can’t move it

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My Richard was given a mug that was etched on the front of our dog number three who sadly and unexpectedly died just seven months of moving here, Richards mug was given to him by his niece several Christmases back and i had on a few occasions caught Richard taking the mug out from the kitchen cupboard and kissing it, kissing the etched on photo of our dog…This is a mug that is staying with me forever, i too have given our dog a kiss from me then another kiss telling him this one is from your master, he is not here anymore as he cant do it himself, this just breaks my heart as within three years i have lost our dog number three and lost my Richard too…the reason of this one special mug is that his niece done dog agility and i had trained him but she entered him into the agility competitions along with her dogs so he became special to her also…

Jackie…

I wear my partners sweatshirts still they make me feel close to him. It’s the last things they used bring us comfort. X

Our dog was choosen by my partner and is a link to him he is very special for that. Though bittersweet memories as when he got weaker he was so upset he could not take him for a walk.

The hard part was clearing out his favourite stuff in the food cupboard.I am halfway through because I’m not brave enough to tackle the top shelf yet.That was mostly Rob’s.It is the little things that hurt the most.Today,I filled a charity bag with his really old stuff.It took a week to get up the courage to do it but they are collecting tomorrow.His recent stuff will take longer,can’t face that yet

I wear his socks - always used to ‘borrow’ them as my feet are always cold! I wrapped up carefully all the last clothes he wore as well as the towel he had just used (he died suddenly and unexpectedly whilst I was at work) and they are carefully stored away. I kept a couple of his favourite shirts and jeans too - but gave all the rest -his warm coats and clothes to the homeless. The refuge were so pleased as they clothe around 70 people per week - and my husband was a kind man so would have wanted them to go to people who really needed them. But the last batch of soup he made is still in the freezer - where it will probably stay forever! I went to throw the brown sauce out the other day (he was the only one that ate it) but just couldn’t do it - so put it at the back of the fridge! xx

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I have been google mapping a route, a place we once drove along to go somewhere, the home and garden of the elderly couple who done peoples hanging baskets and seeing this journey is breaking my heart and brought all the memories flooding back of loading our car with the empty hanging baskets then loading the car up with five that had been made up to our specified order when they were ready for collection…
The reason of google mapping is looking to see if anything is on the for sale market within that area…but so so heartbreaking when i can still see - still imagine us doing this short trip, yet knowing this will be no more…

Jackie…

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Oh l feel for you l really do l still have his new walking boots never worn and bought when first diagnosed. And all his best clothes the ones liked him in, l can’t bear to part with them others have gone to dog charity shops. X

That’s how I am feeling about all his holiday clothes,the wonderfully garish Hawaiian shirts,all the t shirts and shorts,they’re all in his suitcase ready to be ironed for a holiday we won’t be having this year.I’m in no rush to do it all.

Hi, I also wear some of my husbands clothes. As we was both walkers he had lots of weatherproof jackets and trousers so I kept these and wear them myself when out walking. Some of his jumpers have also come in useful, full big but not bothered. I too wear some of his socks. When he was ill over the last months he took to wanting food that we would never usually eat. I kept it all in the freezer for a while but then had a sort out and gave it all to family members. However his toothbrush and washing things are still in the bathroom which I know seems a bit daft as I was able to let charity have his clothes but not these… I carry his wallet in my backpack and keep a fiver in it… just in case!!! I carry his bus pass also. My bus pass has a photo of him on the front. One day while stood at the bus stop a woman looked at my pass and commented on what a handsome man he was, who was he. How he would have laughed at that. I still have a packet of his favourite tea bags in the cupboard and I don’t drink tea myself, his sugar bowl is still there also. Never use either. xxxx

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Maybe we keep all these little things in the hope they will come back,that it was just a bad dream.When do I move out of the denial phase and reach acceptance?I suppose I am the only one who knows the answer to that x

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Such a lovely post very emotive to read. But a huge comfort l am sat her in one off his jumpers now and wear his watch. We were great walkers as well. How lovely that lady said that it those little things that make your day isn’t it. I haven’t walked far for 12months . I have been to a local park we used to go with felt fine but can’t face going to most other places yet. Well done to you for keeping up your routine. X

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Hi Jackie, just read your info page l hope that’s what it’s called . My heart’s doing flips when youvsaidv ‘no family just you two’ … ‘because we only needed each other’ that’s how we were. We had a little Belingo van that he made into a day van with seats in the back a stove and a little fridge. We used just set off for the day head for the hills. It was one of our favourite things to do music on singing away. I don’t drive due to vision issues. In my heart l still can’t believe we will never do this again, though my head knows. A friend takes me out and we go over those routes occasionally but its not the same at the moment l don’t feel l will ever go to these places again can’t face it with out him. Though l am grateful that we had those times. X

Exactly that Jill - I know I have not accepted it - and it has been 8 months for me and thought I was coming to terms but realise that I really haven’t. I don’t know if we ever accept it but I kept a full set, shoes, socks underpants-the whole caboodle - so I don’t know either- because I am no where near that yet.

It’s been over 2 years for me and I still have all Clive’s belongings kept exactly where he left them, even down to some cans of beer in the fridge from the last time we went out together, about a week before the end. They’d given him some steroids and he woke up the next morning feeling a lot better. He insisted on driving us down to the beach. We walked about a 100 yards or so along the seafront before he got too tired to go on. We sat on a bench for about half an hour until he felt strong enough to to back to the car. On the way home he said he fancied salmon for dinner and a beer so I dapped into Tesco to get them whilst he waited in the car. Salmon, new potatoes with butter and a salad washed down with a can of Brains SA - that was the last solid meal he ever ate, after that he could only manage a cup of consomme now and then and the odd glass of ice cold 7up. I just can’t throw the beers out, or anything else, I keep thinking he’ll need them, which I know is ridiculous but, also, I don’t feel like they’re mine to dispose of - they’re his things.

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