Another day to get through, shaking all day, lonely, it never ends. I recently adopted a retired greyhound who is some company, unfortunately he won’t go out for a walk he gets very spooked with the outside world, I was hoping he would get me out to meet other dog lovers so I’m in the same position stuck indoors with a long day to get through. Crying again now
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So sorry for how you are feeling. Maybe you could take your dog for a short walk up and down the road and gradually increase it? Do you have any neighbours or friends who could accompany you on a walk? If you are feeling really down, remember you can talk to Cruse or your GP. Also, keep posting on here because people do really understand. We all cry each day, just take the day one breath at a time - that’s what I have to think on a bad day. Sending hugs
Thank you Jules, the dog is perfect in every way but won’t leave the front garden, tried everything (not his fault he’s never been walked) I have no one to help, I think he is picking up on my grief and anxiety. I really don’t want to be in this world anymore, but my attempted suicide failed and was sectioned for 3 weeks, not good. I am 75 and hoping that I don’t live a long life I know others feel like this, grief is an awful thing to experience
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Have they sorted out ongoing counselling for you because this is an ongoing life event? You can contact Cruse, the Samaritans or your GP. Everyone needs someone to talk to when they are feeling desperate. I have also started reading the book ‘It’s ok that you’re not ok’ by Megan Devine. She lost her partner and it has been recommended on here. I’m hoping it will help. Sending hugs
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I’m so sorry to read how you’re feeling @Mag. I just wanted to agree with @Jules4’s suggestion of contacting Cruse, the Samaritans or your GP if you need someone to talk to. There are places out there to turn to when you need.
I noticed that my colleague @Aife has mentioned Sue Ryder’s Online Bereavement Counselling Service before, so just to mention again that this service is available if you would find it helpful. There’s currently a waiting list, but if you wanted to join this list or find out more you can do so on our website: https://www.sueryder.org/online-bereavement-counselling
Take good care
@Mag
When it all gets just too much & utterly overwhelms you, think of Steve’s voice soothing you, place one hand on your heart & the other on your tummy. Breathe slowly and deeply, try to recall a time when you had a wonderful day with each other. Its not a magic cure, but its the nearest to a hug from your soulmate.
15 weeks yesterday & still counting the days & blaming myself over & over again.
Breathing in & breathing out, thats all I am capable of.
I too have terrible stomach anxiety feelings. I am very restless and sometimes cannot make decisions which I never had before I lost my lovely handsome Michael. I miss him so much, we were married for 50 years and had been together for 56 years. Having no children for support my friends are so important to me but they are gradually drifting away. I feel so lonely and isolated all the time. I have no motivation to do anything I just want my life with my Michael back again. Never experienced such mixed messages of crief which are never ending. It is 6 months since I lost my lovely Michael six months of yearning for him.
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Dear Mag, my heart is sore to hear your pain, which I know is physical and emotional… it would be nice to put an arm around you and just let you be… we do not want the pain to stop, in a way, because it would mean our lovely man would be receding from us, but the pain is mortifying… I hope you can stroke your dear dog and soothe for a moment; they feel our emotions…
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HiPolly. These companies have been going for a while now so I don’t think Dragon’s Den would be an idea but they do a grand job and the bears shown are beautiful. Xx
Hi maigret, i blame myself too. Mel didnt want to go into hospital but i made him go and drove him there. Never forgive myself. I miss him so much. When i done video calls with him, he would say i want to come home. Breaks my heart thinking about it. My life is over, just carrying on for children, they have suffered enough losing their dad. Feel so alone in big empty house. Want to move but cant bear the thought of leaving my memories behind. He done so much in the house and i can visulise him here. X
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JennyB just sitting here as the removal people are packing up my life and reading all these posts.
Just wondered how you are doing?
Is the pain any easier to bear as I know it’s just over a year since you lost your soul mate.
It’s three and a half months for me now and still so raw.
Breaks my heart that Covid is easing and the death toll is so much lower.
Don’t get me wrong I’m pleased more people are surviving and less people catching Covid but I just wished he could have avoided it and had his vaccinations.
I hope you are learning to live with this heartache and having fewer meltdowns now.
Sometimes I can cope and then a memory triggers me off again. A couple of times I’ve felt guilty that I haven’t cried over him for a day! Ridiculous I know.
I suppose that means I am gradually accepting he’s not coming back and learning to live without him in a funny way.
Anyway take care and thinking of you.
Virtual hugs.
I just hit 2 months mark since my wife, my soulmate of 32 years passed. Reading posts here triggers many different feelings; what lies ahead on the road of grieving can be quite variable; sometimes I felt a bit reassured to read someone posting that a few years down the road he/she can experience joy again; in others it makes me worried when there are people still not quite alright after so many years; this is perhaps to be expected as we are so different in life experience/personality; I sincerely hope everyone would be feeling better with time, although I must acknowledge that our lives have forever changed the moment since our love ones left us.
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Tomtom wish I could be sitting there with you right now. Yes it’s now over a year ago that I lost John and every day hurts. I talk to him daily about everything and like you wish we knew then what we know now, the treatment and vaccinations. I constantly wonder if he had caught the virus later than he did he would have survived. All these thought haunt me.
I have looked at moving house as my neighbours and friends are moving out next month, but I don’t think I can go and leave the “comfort” I feel here, like sitting here right now in Johns chair, typing these words from his key pad.
It’s our wedding anniversary on Sunday, another loving memory to look back on, sitting here on my own.
I really do hope things get easier for you, or like me you just learn to live with it.
Take care and keep in touch, Jenny
Luckystarhongkong
It is 2 yrs and 8 months since my Ron died and I wish I could say my life was a bit better but it isn’t and yet it is
These are the differences I have noticed
- I don’t cry all the time
- I can talk about Ron
- I can look at photos but not live videos
- I don’t have as many flashbacks
- I can cope with living alon but still hate it.
- I have no fear anymore of dying myself
- I can visit SOME of the places I went with Ron but not the ones we visited often.
- I can laugh and have good days but still cry when triggered.
- I can deal with some problems but not all.
- I have been on a date but can’t imagine ever settling with anyone again.
So you see things get a little better but it is never the same. No matter what I do or where I go, I can’t help thinking it would be better if my husband was with me. Nothing feels complete.There is always the hole that never fills.
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Jenny B, Reading your sorrow, gives me a bit of hope for the future. I cannot bear the thought of being on my own for the rest of my life. Lovely to have family, but to share our complicated lives with a mate, is so natural, and I have decided, when the time is right, I want to have a reason to get dressed up, and plan outings with a male friend. I lost my beloved in February. Everyday is painful, but to be so exhausted, and depressed is making me physically and mentally ill.
I read many stories on here, we all have an experience of loss, to know that it can gradually ease a little, is a comfort. Good luck.x
i have just read your post and found it rather comforting. You’re right it is nice to have family but it is not the same as having a reason to get dressed up and look glamorous. l lost my husband in February to covid. He caught it from paying his mother an end of life visit. He died so quickly that he ended up having a joint funeral service with his mother. When he died, just 2 days away from his 55th birthday, l felt that he also took my future away with him… l am 54 and we were planning our retirement and so much more. life really is so cruel. l hate the thought of even thinking of finding someone new, a part of me feels like it would be unfaithful to my late husband yet for some reason, the words, ‘till death do us part,’ seem to give a different meaning… l loved my husband so much and still love him now although l am sometimes angry with him for leaving me like this as l often feel quite vulnerable. Lets keep on taking baby steps. Virtual hugs to everyone out there experiencing this pain and dreading restrictions being lifted because for us, going back to normal sadly is not an option. xx
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To all of you out there, lets all stay strong and stay together.
Love and hugs to you all. Jenny. x
Dear eveham
I rarely find a reason to even take a shower or get out of bed. The idea of even holding another man’s hand fills me with horror , so any future intimacy will just not be for me. I will be faithful to my dear husband till I die (I am 62, and old 62, not the young 60+ woman i was before he passed 16 weeks ago yesterday, who the hell would be interested anyway, I understand its so much different if you are younger).
I hate that life has returned to normal for nearly everyone, I don’t know where this capacity to hate & envy & sabotage relationships is coming from. This is the new me I really don’t like but I can’t, just can’t move forward. Dreams of abandonment continue, he won’t tell me why he had left me, why he no longer loves me, why he won’t come home. He won’t talk to me in my dreams, or give me a sign in any way to show he is still with me. Another mostly sleepless night ahead, but when I do fall over the dreams are so upsetting. Last night was just the worst, life has went so wrong for us.
Dear Maigret,
i’m so sorry to hear that you have had another bad night, another after endless bad nights. None of us want to be in the position we are today but we are, and all we can do now is be there for each other and offer support where we can… No one can ever replace our lost loved ones. The more you loved that person as l did and still do my husband, the more and stronger your grief, which explains how and why you feel the way you do. As for getting out of bed and having a shower, l was almost forced into this routine to enable me to deal with sadmin in the days that followed my husband passing… l had to be up and ready to answer phone calls regarding his death and notifying the relevant authorities and l seem to have stuck to the routine. As for looks, no one is ugly, beauty is always found in the eyes of the beholder. l really wish l could meet you in person and take you for a coffee and we could just sit on a bench somewhere and watch the world go bye. Those so called ‘normal people’ getting on with their lives and getting back to normality. l too, despise the term 'getting back to normal as none of us on this forum will have that luxury to experience normaiity. lnstead, we are all in pain, trying in so many different ways to come to terms with our grief. Like yourself, l too feel abandoned, l am angry with my husband because l feel he has left me. My only comfort is that l had some of his ashes made up into some jewellery for me and l wear the ring every day and l will never take it off. l also try to sleep with his favourite teddy beside me. He is like a little Spurs mascot. l’m no football fan myself but l know how much he loved his team and this little teddy is simply trying to offer some comfort… Did your husband have a favourite hobby, football team or a special item of clothing? if so, keep it close to you and talk to it, touch it and it should help you feel closer to your husband. l find that a few drops of lavender essential oil on my pillow at bedtime helps me drift off to sleep. l am based in Wiltshire, Please let me know if l can do anything to help you through this difficult time. We are all grieving and there doesn’t appear to be much support out there for us during this difficult time so we need to support each other through this dark tunnel of grief. Love and hugs, Eve xx 
thanks for you post, it is enlightening; I read in another post today where somebody said grief is like amputation: you don’t die, but you are not recovered. Anyhow for most of us the future is depressing. Every day is tormenting. I have never hated life this much.