Morning all another sleeplesd night. I feel mentally and physically tired but my brain wont stop thinking. Like yourself Harriet I am struggling to make sense of it all. I find the evenings and nights so hard as iI am alone no one to talk to no one to say how scared i am. I suffer from agrophobia and bad panic attacks. Gra would know how to calm me down. Many a night he as just sat and talked to me . I dont know how we get through each day. I find i am unable to do things my mind is all over the place. I haven’t been to bed yet because i am scared of been alone. I lay across the sofa. Love n hugs to everyone. Xxx
I too, haven’t been to bed but sleep on the settee. I can’t bear the thought of being in the bed without him. Yes, I love him with every ounce of my being. I’m afraid I’m just one big, soggy mess at the moment and I can’t see a way out.
Your not alone in that Harriet because mo can I . Life seems so unbearable at the moment the ache in my heart is so hard to live with. I hate been alone . I miss Gra like i can never explain to anybody…xxx
Just a thought, have you tried a tv in the bedroom. I find a programme that is a bit boring, put it on the timer so that it turns off after an hour, or whatever. Then I drop off to sleep through boredom. I also sleep on his side of the bed, hug one of his pillows, and put the other against my back. Sometimes I read a book until my eyes get tired.
Xx
We have a TV in the bedroom, which we used to watch together. I love reading but just can’t settle to do it. In fact I can’t seem to get on with anything. There are things I must do today - not sure how - all seems pointless and hopeless.
Hi @Harriet4Bill,
As our other friends on here gave said, we truly feel the pain and agony you are in.
So hard to try and carry on when it seems so pointless but there is no choice.
Continue to post on here as you will always get the support and understanding.
Love Ellie
i have managed to cope better by putting a pillow with his shirt on on his side of the bed, so the beds not empty. i sit in his chair so i cant see an empty chair. it helped a bit. i still dont sleep well, you are in very early days, as the otgers have said its one hour one day at a time.
On a vacation with a friend and another couple. First time since Mark has passed away. I can hardly stand to watch the couple with us hold hands and speak loving words to each other. My heart is dead inside. Why did he have to leave me? Watching the people on vacation around me walking hand in hand asking for pictures of them as couples. Where’s my other half. I feel so all alone. So sad!
Awww saddog you are so brave for going in the first place. You hubby would be so proudvof you. I hope you do get a little enjoymentveven if it is short lived. Hugs Jo xxx
Harriet, I know exactly how you feel as do we all i suppose. I don’t know if it would help you but a friend of mine, also bereaved, suggested putting a stuffed dog on the chair to make it feel less empty. I put on a big teddy bear that my husband bought for me on our wedding day . Not sure it helps but it’s better than looking at an empty chair.
Jevncute I think there is some sort of befriending service available from Mind or another charity where someone will phone you for a chat once a week. Have you looked into that? Also what about a day centre (sorry don’t know how old you are) . We have one locally and they will pick you up if you can’t get transport. You can go there for the day and meet up with others,
Huya wooly i am 59 i am thinking ofvthe befriending service. I dont go out far from home as i suffer from agrophobia and panic attacks. I wish i could do more but i cant. I am so lonely and lost and i know its early days as its not 5 weeks yet, but omg how i wish you all lived closer. Just ppl to chat with who understand. Xxx
God I know how you feel I lost my lovely John on the 17th February this year. People say it gets easier No it doesn’t He’s missing from every corner of my life. He was everything to me. I miss the hugs, the I love you’s the laughter at our private jokes. Sharing our life together and with family and friends. No one to tell me, I look nice No one to make me comfort food when I’ve got a cold No plan of the day anymore No one to share a bottle of wine with or play a game of cards and try and beat each other.
I tried to keep going for his sake but I get up some mornings and think is the point. What am I doing it all for?
i know how you feel, mu Davud died 8th Feb this year, i agree it doesn’t get easier we learn to live with it we become a different person, we get better days and awful days, i was really bad yesterday. and only got through the day with this groups help. Today has been a better day, its just one day at a time. Hang in there, .
Hugs
I belong to u3a, which is for retired or semi retired people of any age. My branch has dozens of interest group and 600 members, so there is something for everyone. Look up u3a and your town name. It has been a lifeline for me, good luck
That reminds me very much what my husband used to say to me , ’ poor wee babie’ i’m Irish and we use the word wee more or less in all our conversations.
So Terry use the word ‘wee’ , a lot too.
He did not say that to me when he was dying though, he said ‘you will be ok Carol’ think he was trying to reassure me , that I would be ok without him .
I am far from ok without him , 20 months on and I am still lost without him.
Finding life so hard . Xo
without him.
. Xo