I've been trying so hard, but I can't keep going

Welcome Woolly. I talk to my partner every day and write to him in a diary every night. I even leave it open in the hope he can see it. It’s 9 weeks since he passed away suddenly. It’s my way of keeping a connection between the two of us. I am very lost and lonely without him.
Keep posting on here. You can say whatever you feel. No one judges and everyone understands. It’s a lifeline for me. Take care xx

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I write to my husband at times throughout the day, I also talk to him. I tell him how much I love and miss him. A lot of it is grumbling, no wonder I haven’t had any signs or dreams. He is probably sick of me moaning and telling him off for leaving me alone.
I cuddle his pillow at night and sleep on his side of the bed. It’s easier waking up and seeing the space where I used to be rather than the space where he should be. Xx

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I unpacked the last shirt my husband wore when he went into hospital. The sleeves rolled up like he always did. I just held it and sobbed my heart out. The knife he always used to use is in the kitchen drawer. Every time I open it I see it and miss him. I’m glad I’m not the only one who talks to their loved ones. I don’t write to him but I do talk to him and blow him kisses most of the day.

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hi i just lost my husband five weeks ago and it is so hard i talk to him every night and cry and life just seems so hard and empty but i feel i had him for 48 years so i had him longer than i will be without him then i try to tell myself how really ill he was but we just have to keep going and for all we cant see them i try to think that he can see me

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Hello,
I lost my husband 4 weeks ago. It is so very hard to make any sense out of it. Like you, I hope that he can see that I am doing my best to keep afloat. It’s all we can do, not like we have any choice.
I am glad you found us. It has been a huge help to me posting here. Everyone understands. Xx

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I have felt more comforted tonight having read how others are feeling like me too. I don’t feel so alone.
This is a great website

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hi i feel its like a cub that we didnt want to join but we have had to so we keep going in the hope that maybe one day we will start to feel a little better

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ive font think i will get better. i will just learn to live with the pain better . i no longer put on a brave face and say im.ok when asked, i now say im taking one day at a time and i have good and bad days.

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@Grandkids9 Sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here.
You said,
“I feel I had him for 48 years so I had him longer than I will be without him”.
That is such a positive attitude, and really hit a chord with me. What a wonderful way of looking at your situation, in such a desperate time.

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I lost my partner 2 weeks ago, which i know is such early days, the pain is unbearable. I just want to be with him, I just want him back. I never knew being heartbroken was a real thing until now. Im going through the motions of sorting things out, but really i just want to be by myself and not see anybody. I have 3 wonderful children and family support, but i still feel so lonely.

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Ouch! Two weeks. The pain is raw and seems unbearable. I guess you are still reeling. I am only at 5 weeks. When I am on my own I feel so lonely and abandoned, but when people do come I just want them to leave me alone. What we really want is for that person to walk through the door, or to wake up and find it’s all a horrible nightmare. We just have to endure it an hour at a time.
Hugs and love to you. Xx

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Thankyou willow 112, we should of been on holiday this week too, him passing happened so suddenly all in the space of 4 weeks. Im here now looking at his empty space beside me in our bed. Im hoping joining this site will help me, knowing we are all in the same sad situation. Xx

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I sleep on his side of the bed. Seeing a space where I should be is easier than seeing his empty space. Ridiculous, but it helps me. Xx

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So very sorry for your loss Celia. It is such early days and everything is raw and unbelievable. I am 9 weeks into this nightmare and wish I could say that it gets better, but I’m not seeing that at the moment. I think reality has set in that he isn’t coming back.
Don’t try and do too much - your brain cannot cope with this at the moment. Just take things hour by hour. And even though you have family and friends I completely understand your need to be alone and absorb everything. I also found visitors exhausting in the early days, even though their intentions were good.
I have found posting on this site a lifeline. Everyone is so supportive. They don’t judge and they are really the only people who truly understand.
Sending love and strength xx

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sorry for your loss, its still very early days and very raw. You will still hoping they will walk in that its all a horrible dream, heartbreak exists its a physical pain which unless youre in this unwanted club no one else can fully understand. im at 21 weeks, not quite so raw ive accepted hes gone, but i cope day by day, i still cry so very much, i still talk to him, i hzce his pillow dressed with his tea shirt on his side of the bed. so its not so empty. at present i feel ill never be better will just learn to live with the pain. Just take each day as it comes , dont pretend to be ok when people ask, tell them its one day at a time, cry as much as you need, talk about him and to him. I believe hes still here with me, he lives on in me znd we will be together again when its my turn.

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Thanks Ronnie I do cry such a lot and talk to him too. And keep his t shirt under the pillow !
I find that people are not keen for me to talk about him though. They probably don’t know what to say but I feel like they’ve moved on and think I should be doing also. I can’t see a time when I’ll ever feel any different. I never realised heartbreak was real and it’s the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.
Thank you for replying. I do value this community as it’s the only place where you are understood. Hope you have a better day today xx

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I moved into the other bedroom, I’m still sleeping there after almost 5 months

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hello my husband of 47 years passed five weeks ago but i am just taking it day by day i talk to Davy every night and that is so upsetting but you just keep going i am picking up his ashes later today and soon they will be scattered at rest and be thankful i will always miss Davy so much but i am trying to adjust to what is happening so baby steps

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Grandkids9 it’s five weeks for me too. I talk to him every day but feel so lonely. He wasn’t noisy but the house is so quiet without him. I can’t put music on because it upsets me too much. I keep his comb in the same place in the bathroom. His headphones on his table. I keep all the papers he’s written on. I have photos on my phone that I look at all the time even though it upsets me .
Thank goodness for this website.

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ive found a facebook page called Hello to Heaven, it has beautiful poems that explain how we all feel, they also help me as foes bring on here as were all inbthecwirdt vlub that ever existed and one we didnt ask to.join. Heres a poem from there .

Grief is when the person
who makes your heart the
happiest is missing from
your world

It’s an ache that settles
deep within your chest,
a constant reminder
of the absence that
has reshaped your life

In the beginning of my grief,
each day was a struggle
between holding on
and letting go ~
between smiling
and crying

Sometimes it was
overwhelming
with such intense pain,
and in other times
it was softer …
I could breath

Memories became both
a comfort and pain,
as they reminded me
of what was,
and what has
been lost

It’s okay to feel this way ~
To grieve is to
have loved deeply

The love we shared
continues to live on
in our hearts

This love brings
tears and strength
The bond we have is
real and beautiful,
and it moves you forward,
one step at a time,
toward healing
and eventual peace

Honor the memories,
cherish the love
that was shared,
and know that in time,
the pain of grief will soften ,
allowing you to find peace
and comfort with the legacy
of the one who made
your heart happiest

Until we meet again …

#hellotoheaven #griefsurvivor #angelmom #tcf #missingsomeone #seeyouontheotherside #sayhellotoheaven #formichael #forryan #brothersinheaven #untilwemeetagain

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