Do you live alone , that s what i am afraid off. I have spoken to doctors he as given me some tablets but i am afraid to take them incase i have a reaction. I suffer from agrophobia and panic attacks. I have never been alone before. Xxc
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Dont feel afraid. I lost my husband 6 months ago last Thursday. I would say take it slowly a day at a time. You will learn to cope, and maybe surprise yourself at what you can do.
Come on here and share. Everyone knows how you feel.
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it is scary, but try not to be. im not as confident as i was, i had a bad fall a month after David died, i made a rwal mess of my face plus other grazes, ive been more anxious since then in case i have a fall at home, but ive realused i cant live in fear its not what hed want, so im trying to get on and go out, emotionally i cant say it gets easier as for me it hasnt, im not sure it ever will but ill keep trying as David would hate to see me like this.
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Yes so hard i so try but i feel like its not worth it anymore. I justcwishvtherecwas someone who could come sit with me especially at night. Xxx
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i always said that the silence was noisy when i was on my own, but now ive realused that the noise was him trying to let me know he’s still here, since then i can cope with being alone better, i talk to him constantly, even ask him to hold me so i can sleep, for some reason it makes me feel safer. People probably think me mad, but im copying in the only way i can.
You will find your own way so please try not to be frightened
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I talk to him all the time too. I ask him where things are, how I should sort things that I don’t understand, I say sorry when I make mistakes (not that he would mind mistakes). I apologise when I can’t bear to see things of his that I throw away or hide. I ask him to give me strength to go through this. And I ask him to cuddle me at night. I hug one of his pillows and put the other against my back.
All might seem daft to others, but they help me a bit, and I know that most people here will understand.
Love and hugs. Xx
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i also use his pillows, 1 has is shirt on and lays on his side of bed, i manage to sleep now asking him to cuddle me and keep me safe and still say i love you every night . i cant cope with sorting his clothes, i wear his polo shirts though, when im going though old papers and shredding them i end up sobbing and have to stop. i feel to atupid not being able to do it, but its like to destroy it destroys him like wiping him away. i know its 21 weeks still early in process and gp says to do what i can and when i can. i dont think im coping well but others am . All i manage to do is shop, cook, go to church and craft club and monthly lunch with friends, not much compared to.what we used to do, its baby steps.
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Baby steps is all we can do. You are doing more than me. I have only dared to drive the car twice, to the local supermarket. I have had a couple of refresher lessons but I shake like a leaf. I have been out for lunch with my son a couple of times. Not many friends but one new friend that my son introduced me to because she is a recent widow is coming to take me out for lunch on Thursday. Most of my days are on my own, I live down a country lane, so no passers - by. My time is spent in the garden or sorting ‘stuff’.
I still have most of his things. I got rid of some shoes, coats and things that occupy space that I can use more sensibly. I have also started to get rid of his old photos from before I knew him. Those big self-adhesive albums that take up so much space. There is also a drawer full of university papers and photos. Mad, but I kind of resent the part of his life that I didn’t share.
Hmmmm, I have only just realised that.
Xx
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I wear some of his clothes too. I’ve got a whole new set of golf tops. I wore his sweatshirt on the allotment when it was cooler. It was like he was with me giving me advice. I needed that.
I havent started on shreading and paper sorting yet. Well, apart from essential estate stuff. Thats going to be a complete nightmare. I could tell you what he put on his credit card in 2016 and all the following year’s. I dread to think what else I’m going to find. Anyone need a seed catalogue from 2006? 
i have to laugh at some of the stuff ge kept.
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You all sound so much braver and stronger then me. Where do you get your strength from i am just a walking dribbling mess. I dont know wether because i am agrophobic and panic attacks or what. Xxx
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I find i can get busy doing things then when I stop I cry.
The feeling of everything being so pointless overwhelms me.
I don’t have a garden so can’t go and work in it. I’m doing my best in the house but every time I come across something belonging to my husband I get upset again. I feel so guilty getting rid of anything or taking his name off things.
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i went back to church to try find some peace and reason for his death, many people there are also widows so they heloed. craft group is held in church hall. and only about 10 go, and most there are widows, so they help knowing how im feeling, its only across the road so not far. i went on the parish trip to Scarborough ladt week wuth 2 of the group, i crued most of way there, as it was our place and coach went way we always drove, it was very hard, we all had a cry but that was a big step for me and surprisingly i enjoyed it. other than that im in the house, i go shopping , driving but i hate parking so go quiet times. The lunch is with my friend, she was my mums neighbour and helped us clear her bungalow after she died , then only to lose my David 6 month later was terrible, msybe him helping with clearing made him worse so its my fault he died so soon. without her i wouldnt get through, i cry each time i do these things cos he dhould be with me. so i make myself do it as hed want me to but ive been lucky in finding so msny in one small area that know what im going through
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Ronnie I think many, if not all of us have thoughts about if only I hadn’t done this or allowed that to happen. Thing is we never know what the outcome would have been if things had been different.
I regret allowing the doctors to give my husband a drug I thought wasn’t good for him. I was right and it did cause him problems but they said he had to have it to avoid having a stroke. I know he would have hated to be incapacitated in any way so I have to accept that might have happened.
You are brave going in a trip you used to do with your husband. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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Awww bless you of course it wasnt your fault, i know because i blame myself too. Gra had been in hospital for 6 and half weeks , he had sephis he was put on pallative care abd he pulled through i brought him home . But he couldn’t get out the hospital bed. He was home for a week and half but he was full of fluid so he went back in hospital where they put he back on pallative care . He died on the sunday maybe i should have kept him home maybe he would still be here. Xxx
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No he wouldn’t and you know that. My husband had sepsis too and filled up with fluid. It weakens the heart and all the organs in the body. You tried at least you did bring him home for a bit.
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Yes, it’s all pants. I did CPR for 15 minutes until help arrived. Maybe I didn’t do it well enough, it was exhausting and I was sobbing. Maybe I shouldn’t have even tried. He lived for 3 weeks, brain-damaged and having seizures. I kept begging for one more day, one more second opinion. But all my efforts just prolonged his suffering (he never regained consciousness) and my agony.
But, I couldn’t NOT do CPR if there was the slightest chance. Also, it was a different consultant with a different opinion each day on the ward. I was left not knowing which to listen to. It wasn’t until they all agreed that he wasn’t going to wake up that I agreed to discontinue life support.
Xx
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Hi @Willow112 it is very difficult when your person is in hospital and trying to get doctors to listen to you. I wish I had been more assertive with them. Would it have made any difference? I don’t know. All I know is he is gone and I am lost without him.X
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Hiya all hard isnt it , i have so many what ifs going round in my head. I really cant find a point in anything. I wish you all lived closer to me so we could all meet up you co
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ive often thought it would be great if we could meet, or video call as were all going through same thing
How do we do a video call xxx