I've been trying so hard, but I can't keep going

I am the same.

I also ask why such a lovely man had to go.

Big hug.

Love,

Rose xx

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Hi @ronnie4,
A gorgoeus, warm poem- oh we so want believe that.
Tfank you for sharing.
Love yo all our friends on this forum.

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Oh we do you are great writing poems that seems to say all we feel. Xxxx

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i dont write, i found them by accident on facebook, that group is hello to heaven and ig has some lovely poems, and they dont mind you sharing. There also is a group called grief speaks out , that also is good.
They give comfort, as the words are what we all feel.

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Oh wow i will take a look. The words speak to us. Xxx

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It’s 3 weeks tomorrow since I lost the love of my life. He had leukaemia so we knew time was probably limited but he picked up an infection which turned to pneumonia and suddenly he was gone. 3 weeks on and I’m crying every day. I knew the prognosis with the leukaemia and thought I’d be ready, thought I’d be strong but I feel a complete mess. It’s not what he would want, I know that but I don’t know how I can do things we did together on my own. We loved to sit in the garden with a coffee or in the summerhouse, deciding where we were going to put a small pond and where to put new plants. Now he’ll never see that and the feelings are unbearable. I know I should motivate myself and get these jobs done but I just can’t do it on my own.

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Oh Harriet so sorry for your loss. It is such early days and everything is raw. I lost the love of my life suddenly 12 weeks ago and I still find it difficult to believe what’s happened.
Just take things day by day and hour by hour. There is no need to motivate yourself to do anything other than just get through each day.
This site has been a lifeline for me. Everyone understands and is so supportive. Please keep posting- no one judges and you will never be alone. Sending love and strength xx

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Thank you Jody

Harriet I lost the love of my life 4 weeks ago as yesterdayand like yourself I have no motivation for anything. All i do is look for ppl as i feel so lost and lonely. I dont cook anything I dont clean . I try but I keep thinking whats the point .I just feel every day i am walking through a nightmare were there is no end. Love and hugs xxx

Like you, I just can’t see the point to anything. Up until a couple of months ago my husband did most of the cooking ‘cos he loved to cook and try out different things. I was spoilt. Now I’m living on ready meals or sandwiches. We’ d only been married for almost 10years (30th August) and I know he’d have done anything for me and I would have given him the world if I could. Now it’s all gone and I don’t know where to turn. He had leukaemia and I knew it would be hard when he passed but I’d no idea just how hard it was going to be. Words just can’t express how much I miss him :broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart:

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Likewise we would have been married 16 yrs on the 2 of August. I really understand how hard it is. Like yourself there was just the 2 of us we did everything together. I never thought it would hurt or be as hard as it is. I wish we lived closer we could support one another. Xxx

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That poem is lovely but it makes me afraid. My husband lost his first wife suddenly in 2012 and I 'm so afraid he’s now back with her and will forget me and I love and miss him so much

Harriet I am so sorry for your loss, i lost my soulmate of 28 years 22 weeks ago, this grief is a physical pain. Like you my husband cooked all the meals so its learning to cook again and not overdoing the portion size, i didnt eat very much, there wasnt a point. but he wouldnt want this, you have to keep going 1 day and 1 step at a time. i cant say it gets better it doesnt i still cry every day , i have to learn to live with this pain, ill never be me again, ill become a new me. ive heard it said grief is love with no where to go the more we loved the harder the grief.

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Oh, Harriet. That has been worrying me too. My husband died 7 weeks ago. Both of us were married and widowed before, and we both loved our previous partners. My first husband died in 2004 and I remarried 4 years later.
People talk about soulmates reuniting in an afterlife. So, what will happen when my life ends. I loved them equally. Hard to understand that if you haven’t loved twice.
The really insane thing is that I knew he had loved his first wife, the same as he knew I had loved my first husband. During the 16 years of our marriage we spoke about our previous partners and had a few photos of them in frames around the house. We also each had the big posh leather wedding albums, sitting side by side on the bookcase, alongside our own wedding album. But since he died I can’t bear to see photos of him looking happy with anyone but me. I resent the years I was not the one making him smile.
How mad is that?

My husband to had leukemia along with Prostrate cancel. Unfortunately he received dreadful NHS treatment. It’s now been 4/5 months since my husband passed and all I can think of is the terrible treatment he received. I know this isn’t a helpful situation to be in along with dealing with his loss. My family tell me to forget it otherwise it will make me ill. So I’m trying to get on with life. Like everyone on this site were all grieving men and women combined all the same. The weekends are the worst I think and. Bank holidays are worse. Being alone when you’ve loved so much, done everything together is awful. I try not to go out with couples as it makes me so miserable and I arrive home in pieces thinking of what I’ve lost. I’m trying to get my act together but it’s hard. My cat gets me up in the morning :sunrise: without her I don’t know where I’d be. I think of you all in your grief and I wish I could say it gets better. Time they say heals. I’m still waiting.

I don’t think that’s mad at all. I hadn’t been been married before so he was my life. We loved each other and he’d do anything to make sure I was happy. I couldn’t have been happier than when I was with him and also would do anything for him. They were the happiest 10 years of my life and now it’s all gone. I’d love to think he was still by my side even though I can’t see him
and I’m so afraid that he’ll forget me.

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Harriet I agree with ronnie4 the pain is physical and I can’t see it going away. I suppose it becomes our new way of life and we adjust to living like that. Not what anyone wanted at all.
Like you I have had thoughts of whether my beloved man is back with his late wife. It’s only natural but please don’t torture yourself. You are in enough pain already.
I don’t think we are in a human form when we meet again but a different sort of consciousness but what do I know? We are a very tiny part of this huge galaxy. I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one having these thoughts xx

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I agree with @jody it is early days and still raw, take it day by day, hour by hour.

Losing the love of your life is such a devastating shock.
Please don’t put pressure on.

There are no rules or exact time scales about grieving.

We are individuals with unique relationships.
So our grief is personal and our unique way of missing them.

This site is supportive.

Take care.

Big hug,

Rose xx

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Both myself and Gra had been married before infact we met in an aol chat room in 2005 my first husband Steve died of a dvt. Gras wife died from a brain hemorrhage. There relationship was hard as shewas an alcoholic. My first husband was only 36 when he passed. I had more support then from both my darling mum and dad who have both since passed. Because i am now very much alone this is so much harder. I loved Gra just as much as i loved Steve. Only it was a different love because I loved Gra for him. I will always love both of them and they both hold a piece of my heart. The pain is unbearable the questions are many i do nothing but cry and fill my day with what ifs. Its toture. Love and hugs Jo xxx

I can only say that loving a second partner is like having a second child. You don’t love your first child any less when you have a second or third child. We are capable of loving more than one spouse. The capacity to love increases.
Xx