Thank you @TCT and @RCB , its somewhat comforting to know I’m not alone in this agony. If you don’t mind me asking how was the funerals for you both? did you have a limited number of guests allowed as well? even that is stressing me out, its been almost 4 weeks for me and the funeral is tomorrow so he isn’t even laid to rest yet! But having to pick and choose who can come and say goodbye was horrible as well! I’m struggling to see even a small positive in this entire situation. X
Hello Amberjane95, yes we had a very limited funeral, we had to wait a long time for ours too as they were so busy, just 10 were allowed to go, no pall bearing allowed and we weren’t allowed to touch the coffin to say goodbye. Like you, I was dreading it, but, although it was very emotional, it was, in a way, nice too, listening to the celebrant talk about dad and making it a celebration of his life, although it still feels like it’s not real to me. I kept his flowers and have put them in a press and a friend is going to use some to make me a candle holder as a little keepsake xx We intend to give him a better send off when things in the world are better, praying they will get better xx Will be thinking of you Xx. sending hugs xx
Dear amberjane95, I hope the funeral went well for you all. We had 9 mourners at Dads funeral. I did touch the coffin when the Undertakers arrived at my house. I wrote my memories of my Dad that the vicar read out. I did speak at the graveside but was probably incoherent. It wasn’t a funeral like all the others I’ve attended but it was very personal to my Dad. This is such a painful time. Sending love …
My thoughts are with you all as a fellow traveller of deep loss and grief. We all at some point have to go through this heartbreaking journey. I am 3 years on in mine, I am still grieving and always will. Grief is an expression of love with nowhere to go. As you travel further along this path (not early stages), you learn that death doesn’t define a loved one. Their life does that and very gradually you will let go of “the death part”. Death is the end of the physical body and not the spirit, soul or love as that resides in your heart forever. We focus on death to try and gain back control of what just happened and to dissect it and understand it. No matter how many questions we have or how we torment ourselves over the if’s, why’s and but’s we do come to acceptance. The realisation does come in time and sets us free from the grief and we focus on the love. This is the important stage and one day we smile and feel so grateful for that love that they gave us and for the purpose of their lives which was to love protect and teach us how to survive this world without them as they experienced from their own parents. This part of grief becomes focused on how to honour their lives and memories and yes up’s and downs will come about along with tears but their love is so strong it allows in happiness, joy, gratitude and to understand the very real meaning of our short lives on this planet. When you look in the mirror your parent will look like you, when your speak you sound like them and when you need advice you already know what they would say. They live on in you. Their DNA is stamped right through your soul. Move away from death and brace life because their every breath they gave to you. Lots of love Lyn xx
Those are such beautiful words Lyn. I know in time I will come to think, feel and believe every word you have said. Thankyou so much. xxx
That’s such a good idea with the flowers! I didn’t think St the time. We left ours there but they said they will be there for a few days at the crematorium so I may have to go back and collect them so we can do the same same with us we will do a much better send off once this craziness is over hopefully! Much love xxx
It went as well as can be expected I suppose. Was a lovely service just much to soon to saying goodbye. Very different from my previous funeral I had attended also. Dad’s was just so much quieter. Much love, hope you’re keeping well.
Hello Lyn, it’s good to hear from you. Your post is beautiful and so moving. You speak absolute sense.
‘their love is so strong it allows in happiness, joy, gratitude’ - it does indeed Lyn.
Hi amberjane95 , I understand completely x You look after yourself xxx
Hi LynT, thank you so much for this…Rachel x
How are you lovely? xx
It’s tough and our words reflect the stage of the journey we are on. What unites us is the love we feel in our hearts. Focus on that love and those precious memories you have. We cannot change what has happened but we can choose how we deal with it. Further down the line you will be here helping others on their journey but for now embrace your grief and let it take you wherever it needs to go x
LynT…thank you…Rachel x
I’m not bad thanks Lyn. I’ve missed you. Hope you’re doing ok too.
Hello there. I feel like I could have written every single word of your post. My father, aged 61 was also taken by the virus on March the 30th. We are trying to hold it together as a family. My Mom is being so strong but I know the loss for her is even worse and it makes me feel even more helpless. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your losses that must be terrible. I lost my father to the virus, cant imagine how hard it is for you right now. Please stay strong. My prayers are with you
Although my mum didn’t die of covid-19 I truly believe her treatment was compromised because of the pandemic. Again we weren’t able to visit her in hospital or in the week leading up to her being admitted. The hospital rang to let me know she was dying and said I could go and see her but i couldn’t get there in time.
She replied to a couple of my whatsapps in the first few days of being in hospital but that was it. Every time my phone bleeped I would grab it desperately hoping that I would see my mum’s name again but I never did. I kept writing to her about what was happening in her favourite tv programmes in the hope that she might respond and I still hate seeing that the ticks never turned blue to show that she had read them. It is truly heartbreaking. xx
Hello Zilli80, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve lost your lovely dad too, my mum is also being incredibly strong, I’m so proud of her and thankful because I could have easily have lost her too as dad passed Covid to her but luckily she recovered, I don’t know what I would have done without her. I know the helpless feeling, I try to help with little bits of paperwork for her and phone calls etc, we’re struggling through, but boy oh boy I could NEVER imagine how hard it could be, EVER. Sending hugs to you xx
Oh Ali1, I am so very sorry to hear about your dear mum. I had the same with dad I text him each morning and kept picking my phone up every 2 minutes to see if he’d read the messages, but he never did again, we were always on the phone to each other and it breaks my heart to know he was too ill to even use it, I still look at my messages too, telling us he’d ring us when he felt stronger the next day, but he never did. We couldn’t get through to the ward at all at times and being at home frantically wondering what was happening was just horrendous, I know they were busy but we needed to know what was happening to our loved ones especially as it was nearly their time to leave us, the day before he was improving so you an imagine the shock of the call at 3am to say he’s gone, will haunt me forever x Sending you hugs xx
Yes you’re right, we are very lucky that they survived the virus and still be here with us. Me and my sister have been helping her with the official stuff like you said. It’s heartbreaking to watch her try and hold it together when I know how much she misses him. They were married 40 years. Dad was 61 so they should have had more anniversaries together but such is our fate that we have had to say goodbye to them so early and in this cruel way. Dad wasnt on a ventilator or sedated, they told us ventilation was not the “right medical intervention” so he struggled on Oxygen for 10 days. Our only blessing is that mom was with him when he died. We assumed it a good sign when they let her in for some reason we just wasn’t expecting for him to go. I pray we all get through this. God bless x