Mornings are awful. I had to get up this morning as I have a Sainsbury’s delivery coming. 9 weeks is very very early days. I am at 12 weeks. I am buying microwave dinners to have between 4 and 5 when i sometimes feel hungry. It just means in 4 minutes i can attempt to eat. I too had some weight to lose but was worried at the speed it was dropping off. The Fortisip drinks have taken away that worry. The feeling of being alone is very very hard.
Yes I think I may have to try ready made meals at some point. I used to be feeding a family every day and now I’m on my own. Life is so cruel.
My Bill used to love cooking and was always looking for new recipies to try. That’s why I’m left with a freezer full of food he was going to use and a cupboard with sauces, herbs etc.
I just can’t bring myself to do any cooking so have ordered ready meals from Parsley Box. They are long dated, no need to store in the fridge or freezer and keep well in a cupboard. So far each one is enough for one person and quite tasty.
The sun is shining - I should be sitting outside or in the summerhouse with my coffee and Bill should be with me. Instead I’m sitting inside 
on my own and this is how it’s going to be 
My husband Mark used to cook a huge curry on Saturdays which would feed us for two days. I will look up Parsley Box.
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Harriet my husband Mike used to do all our cooking, and like you I have cupboards full of ingredients. I might also have a look at parsley box when I’ve used up all the home made meals he put in the freezer. I don’t think I’ll be able to use the last one though so it will probably be there for ever.
Please go out in the sunshine Harriet. Even if it’s only for 5 minutes. xx
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My Paul was my carer and did all the cooking, so my freezer food I’ve mainly given to my daughter as I can only manage a microwave. I’ve mainly had jacket potatoes with different fillings and the odd microwave meals. I like the sound of Parsley Box Harriet so will take a look, thanks.X
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I lost John in April and just feels like it was yesterday. I re-live it every day. Its not getting easier at all and I too hate early mornings my anxiety goes though the roof. John used to love to cook too but now I feel I cannot be bothered miss our banter in the kitchen over a couple of drinks while watching him cook. Its a very lonely road now. Cupboards full of stuff too probably will have to throw away eventually. Has any of you felt that the people around think that you are ok now because a little time has passed. I feel even more isolated because of this feeling trapped in my own grief. Hard to explain but it makes me feel sad and worse some days.
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Hi Alice13. My neighbours are good. One lost her husband a couple of years ago so she knows what it’s like. My next door neighbour has a lovely dog so she sometimes asks me to go with them when she takes him out for a walk. We don’t go far but it gets me out of the house. My problem is, when I come back in there’s no-one to tell and I end up in tears.
I think we’re all in the same boat at the moment. There doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Everything appears pointless.
It’s a lovely sunny day and I can’t cope with it. All I want is my Bill to be here so we can sit out, have a drink before our meal and share a laugh, and I know it can’t happen.
I wish with all my heart none of us were in this position. We are, and speaking for myself, I don’t know how to carry on. It’s more difficult and painful than I ever imagined.
Sending love and hugs to you and to everyone else going through this
Yes its a beautiful day but I also cannot bring myself to be outside for long so understand how you feel. Sadly for me my neighbour died last June suddenly it was a shock as she always asked about my John. Her son has moved into the house but he is not such a nice person so I leave them be. I don’t know how to carry on either as I get very insecure over things and overwhelmed that I cannot cope. Losing the love of your life is the most awful grief. Having a dreadful fight and experience in fighting for John’s care (including being Isolated from him during covid) for years has drained me completely losing him I feel I lost the battle. My own health issues are now the scars I have to bear but sadly for me I won’t have anyone to fight for me so yes moving on your own is very difficult and scary. Yes I send all my love to everyone that has this lonely fight ahead of them. xx
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Good morning everyone. The mornings are so tough. I put the radio on straight away for some background noise and the cat usually joins me while i drink the first cup of tea in bed. I was nervous the first night on my own in the house so decided to sleep downstairs on the settee and thats what I’ve done ever since. I live in a small house and downstairs has become almost like a small flat as the bathroom is downstairs. It just feels more manageable and everything is near and to hand. Very best wishes to everyone as we start another day.
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Good morning everyone. Just saying hello and wishing everyone well for the coming day. I’m missing my husband terribly this morning. Saturdays were doing nothing much days but we were doing nothing together. I miss the shared cups of tea and ordinary bits of conversation about the weather and what the grandchildren would be doing this weekend. I have Fibromyalgia and feel very achy this morning and he’s not here to give me a hug. I’m going to try to go out to a local event with a friend later but its such an effort to do something ordinary. The fatigue of Fibromyalgia makes me want to stay in bed and if my husband was here that’s what i would do knowing he was here just doing normal Saturday things downstairs.
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Hi Wren13
Doing nothing on your own is so completely different. We would often be doing nothing in different parts of the house but always had the comforting presence of each other. Now there’s just a profound emptiness in the house. So very lonely.
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Morning Wren
I too sleep on the sofa downstairs I find the upstairs of the house even more lonely. I am finding the mornings very hard to deal with and get very anxious.
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Morning Alice
I found that morning anxiety crept up on me and became hard to cope with. After some very bad mornings i went to see my doctor. I’m now taking an antidepressant called Mirtazipine which is really helping. The anxiety was making it hard to eat and sleep and i felt i couldn’t go on like that. The anxiety is now much less and I’m eating and sleeping better .
I’m having a very tearful morning. Sunday is a difficult day. A feeling very alone day.
Sending you my best wishes and a hug
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Morning all. I find anti depressants are helping me too with sleeping and eating. I’m 11 weeks into this nightmare and looking back at my earlier posts I can see some improvement in myself. My mind isn’t as cluttered with the really bad thoughts I had earlier on. I think it’s a case of taking baby steps however long it’ll take to make a new life for ourselves. X
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Morning Frankie
I’m 13 weeks tomorrow into the nightmare. You are right. I’ve been able to do some things i certainly wouldn’t have been able to do in the early weeks. We should all give ourselves a pat on the back for all the things we are managing to do at this awful time.
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I agree Wren, as difficult as it is, we are very slowly making some progress and I’ve given myself a few chunks of chocolate as well as that pat on the back!!X
Hiya mine is 15 weeks today and like you both I feel I am making baby steps forward . I am also on antidepressant I am on citalopran. Hopefully one day all those baby steps will become bigger steps. Hugs jo xxx
Hugs to you Jo. I’m hopeful too
Wren, I am on week 13, and whilst I feel like I will never get used to it, I am finding getting into my “new” routine is helping. My husband was only 61 and died of a massive heart attack. I get what I suspect is a form of PTSD when I see a police car as I had the awful “we need to sit down with you “conversation. I was lucky that the coroner agreed I could see him as he had left me that morning, having made me a cup of tea and kissed me goodbye. I simply did not accept he had gone. When I saw him I had the strangest idea that maybe I could just take him home and sleep with him at night . I actually worried that I was going mad!
We had taken early retirement as I suffer from poor health and have very limited mobility following a serious illness 10 years ago, so my husband was my carer too. I am lucky that my 31 year old daughter (I have 3 daughters, including a twin) was living with us - she is a chartered accountant but still can’t afford a place locally to buy or rent. She has been really good and my daughters tend to “tag team” me. I am also involved with the care of my grandchildren, which has been difficult due to my mobility. I have gone back to volunteering and I have a lovely volunteering companion who was a registered psychiatrist nurse, so she has been great to talk with.
Reading some of the posts on here ai feel guilty that I have so much support - I have lived locally all my life and some of my friendsI have known since primary school. We also had different interests and had our own friends as well as joint friends, whilst we loved doing things together, we weren’t in each others pockets all the time.
I am finding keeping my self busy is helping and at night I have strong painkillers which mean I sleep very soundly.
I just wish my brain wouldn’t keep thinking “oh I must tell Kev this” or think “kev would love this “ I think after 43 years together I am always going to do it so I need to get used to it. I am not crying every day but my GP has suggested counselling as he thinks I am just not accepting his death - I’m not sure but as I like talking, I’m happy to see if it helps!
Anyway, thank you for reading this - my granddaughter has very kindly shared her cold with me so I am off to have a bath and bed! X
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