Good morning Recent Widow i am finding counselling helpful. I have a private counselling centre close to where i live. I pay for a one to one session on a Friday with a very nice lady. I’ve only had two sessions so far but the opportunity to talk openly with someone who is not a friend or family is good. I knew i would need extra support as my family is small and two of my friends are going to be away for the winter.
Best wishes to everyone this morning as we start another week.
Thanks wren13. I am feeling awful this morning, not grief - I have caught a stinking cold from my plague carrying grandchildren! I think I am staying in bed - I am now selfishly missing my husband who would have brought me up breakfast in bed and done the granddaughters school pick up later 
I think that support is the thing i’m missing the most. It makes feel very lonely having no one else I can depend on and share things with.
Actually not the thing i’m missing the most. A cuddle probably takes the top spot.
Sam10, I agree. My husband gave huge bear hugs, I miss them. I miss him cuddling at night (he was very cuddly which to be honest was very difficult during the menopause!) and I am just missing all he would have done for me today while I’m feeling ill
I’m so sorry you are poorly Recent Widow. That’s something that worries me. Getting ill and being on my own. I have my flu and covid jab in October but i will be being very careful to avoid catching anything if i can.
Yes Sam having no cuddling is just awful. I didn’t realise how much close contact we had though the course of a day and just the everyday chit chat about nothing important.
I’m going to stay the night with a friend tonight who lives nearby. It will be a relief to be in a different place not on my own. I keep trying to think of small things i can do to have a short break from the awful feeling of aloneness.
Morning Wren
Yes I am on Mirtazipine too and also have diazepam for emergencies when I cannot cope with it. Anxiety is dreadful.
Me too Alice. The anxiety is awful. I had no idea it would be part of this awfull process we are going through. When it crept up on me a few weeks ago i thought it would pass but it just got worse. The Mirtazipine has really helped but it still rears its head. Mornings are the worst. I found in the early stages when i was in a state of shock i was able to cope with many of the things that needed to done but now making phone calls or dealing with certain things increases the anxiety. It often eases off by the afternoon so i save things to do then but its exhausting.
Evening Wren
I have suffered with anxiety for a long time now even before I lost John. This was caused by me constantly fighting for his health care leading me to having a breakdown. I have had a dreadful time of it and John could have been helped but wasn’t anyway cannot bring him back now. My mental health now is very poor because of this and losing him has increased again that dam awful anxiety. It is very hard to tame and I am also so depressed. Each day is a challenge to get through. For me its the loneliness of having to deal with things on my own now after a life time of like the saying goes a problem shared is a problem halved. Grief. This is hardest thing in my life I will go through and yes its also so very exhausting.
This grief is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through Alice. I’ve grieved for other people… parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents. But it was never like this and I was totally unprepared. It surely can’t be this bad forever!
Evening Sam
I like you have grieved for others and no I cannot explain to others myself that losing your husband /partner is so very much different. The grief is so intense, so crippling , and the people around you do not understand (unless they have gone through it) how just life destroying this is. Our world our life as we know it has been destroyed by this awful, awful loss. We were all in a partnership and now the love of our lives has gone, and left us to try and survive without them. I do not know any answers to this level of grief only to say that all our partners would want us to carry on and try to be strong but god is it so so hard to muster the strength to do so. I think we have to keep talking to one and another to help us through as knowing that others are feeling this level of grief is helping to know we are not suffering alone. Take care Sam
Evening sam
Like many others i have lost people I loved,but I agree losing your partner is a pain no one other than someone going through it can comprehend
At this moment I feel like I am watching my life through a tv screen I am here but I am not if that makes sense. It hurts like hell.
Hugs Jo xxx
Hi Sam. I lost both much loved parents within 3 months of each other and lost our baby grandson at 2 months . Yes those were awful, but losing my husband suddenly when he had been apparently fit and healthy is a horribly different pain, the worst experience of my life. But even now I can hear him telling me “make me proud, live your life”;there would probably be a few swear words mixed in and it would end in “silly thing”. He had an amazing sense of humour! Such a character, so missed by everyone who knew him
Good morning everyone. We’ve made it through another week. I used to look forward to the weekend but now it feels so empty. I’m so physically tired all the time its difficult to plan anything to fill it. I’ve got some TV programmes i plan to watch and i will visit a neighbour but its such an effort to make ordinary conversation. I used to do twenty minutes exercise most days, for older people, following a video on YouTube. I haven’t had the strength to do it but I’m concerned my physical health is suffering. If anyone is interested in having a look at it. Type in April and Iko Exercise for older people. I’m going to do my best on Monday to try and do just 5 minutes while I’m waiting for the Sainsbury’s delivery. You can do it sitting or standing. I’m in bed with the cat at the moment but I’m going to get up now and make some toast. I have my third counselling appointment today.
Its a relief to be able to talk to somebody in a different way to friends and family.
Hi Wren, I am still in bed with covid (though to be honest it’s not that bad, I’m just warmer in bed! )I might light the fire later as it feels really cold. Luckily I was always the one who dealt with the fire and this year I ordered “hobbit logs” which are smaller as Kev used to chop the logs smaller and I don’t fancy losing a limb!
I will look at those exercises - I do chair yoga once a week which I love, mainly because I am 20 years younger than most of them and they treat me like an adopted daughter!
I have started watching Ludwig on BBC iPlayer and am finding it quite amusing so I am going to watch that later. I have kindly shared my covid with my adult daughter who is currently living with me, so will both be sat watching something together later!
Despite covid, I do feel stronger this week! I wouldn’t say happier but more able to deal with things, maybe even more accepting that Kev has gone. More at peace with myself.
You are right it is good to have others to talk to, and I have always enjoyed talking! Sending you a hug and hope your day is ok xx
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Good morning. I think I’m feeling not exactly better, but better able to cope. The uncontrollable crying has lessened, and that certainly makes life more manageable. I’m also having counselling and finding it a relief to have someone to talk to. My kids and wider family seem to have gone back to their own lives which is of course right. But for me 10 weeks sometimes still feels like 5 minutes and the pain when it comes, still feels so raw and overwhelming. I hope you all get through today with some peace, and I’m sending out lots of love to everyone. xx
Sam that’s a good way of explaining it “ able to cope” I am 3 months into this unwanted journey and with winter ahead, I know I need to continue to cope. But as you say, life goes on and as my dear late mum used to say “ grief lasts longer than sympathy “ xx
12 weeks in and I would say I’m also coping as best I can. My husband was also my carer as I have MS which is debilitating in itself. My daughter is a great help to me and I have a cleaning lady. I’ve surprised myself really and I feel quite safe at home on my own. I’m wishing you all some peace of mind.X
Evening everyone
Found things very hard to face and cope with today. I am extremely tired too. I can truly say I have had the stuffing knocked out of me and have never felt so poorly. The grief is so unbearable some days and its starting to take its toll. I am being seen by my GP so that’s good and also the mental health team are watching me too but I am just not getting over the loss of losing John. The people around me do not seem to understand. Someone else has said sympathy stops but grief doesn’t it is so true.
Hope everyone is as good as they can be. xx
Evening Alice
I’m so sorry you’re feeling poorly and having an awful day. I think the weekends are very hard to get through. The grief exhaustion is such hard work. I attempted to plant some daffodil bulbs in a pot this afternoon but had to give up. I just didn’t have the strength in my arms to get the soil in the pot. I hoped it might distract me for a while. I don’t think anyone understands the overwhelming grief. Thank goodness we do. Send you a hug.