Don’t watch the TV
Watching it alone is again just something else
In fact not rocket science don’t enjoy anything anymore
I would say I’m just functioning
Getting up …… going to bed
Even that is hell
Xx
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@Bess1
I have the TV or radio on as a background distraction and leave the radio on when I go out. The house doesn’t feel so cold and empty when I get back in. It helps me a bit!
All the best x
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Hi Bess1, I find I cannot settle properly to watch TV, read a book and sleep is a luxury
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Hi Kathy6, yes it is like all of the joy has been sucked out of life. I try remain calm and positive for my children but I feel anything but calm inside.
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So beautiful thank you 
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Hi all
Yes the house
With work I always came home first
Not a problem
But now it’s so so different as we all know no one ‘there’ to come home sometime however late
Paul organised a puppy( obviously didn’t know Paul would pass away)
Long long wait ( long story)
But picked her up 3 weeks today Muffin
She 12 weeks on Saturday
Chocolate Cocker Spaniel …… Paul bought me a cocker spaniel puppy in 1985 Gemma she had pups on 8/8/88 … 8 pups we kept one lady
So muffin and me now
So at least I’ve got muffin in the house
Xx
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Hi Bess1, i found my dogs saved me. Not sure where i’d be now if it wasn’t for them. They made me get up in the mornings & if nothing else, i did take care of them. I knew i had too, bless them. Hope your little puppy is giving you joy amongst all the grief.
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Hi Scamp 1
Yes she’s Miss Mischief…… typical puppy!
Sad tho Paul never met her but she knows all about him…….and vice versa
Xx
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Bees1, ahh bless, i bet she is & he’ll be looking down on you both & i’m sure he’s very proud 
.
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Hi Scamp 1
I do hope so
I’ve taken Muffin to the churchyard
Paul’s ashes buried there and I’be got a headstone so they’ve ’met ‘each other
What we have to do to ‘help’ us through this
Churchyard is in the village I go 3/4 times a week and chat away to Paul
If anyone sees me they’ll think I’ve lost it
Do I care not in the slightest
Xx
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Hi Bess1 & no, you shouldn’t care. I talk all the time & if i’m heard so what. It’s doing what we are happy with & if others don’t get it, tough. I’ve come to the conclusion at times i have to rely on just me. The one person i had for that is gone. She would say, as long as i have you & you have me, we can overcome anything. We did over come a huge amount & now i have to overcome things because of her. I can’t let the side down but man, it isn’t easy by any means. When i go off on one, i talk to her to get the answer i seek. I owe her so much. So, onwards & upwards.
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Hi Scamp1
We are so so similar
Paul said as we were moving house ( we’d lived there 39year) we’d gone to bed and he said
We’ll be alright because I’ve got you and you’ve got me’
And now I’m not ok as I’m by myself
I talk all the time to him and still say night night love you
He’d say yes honey
Every single we said that and I still say that and answer for him
But Scamp it’s so bloody hard
I keep saying to Paul
I am trying
Lolxx
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Bess1, yes it’s very hard & there are no things to say that can make it better, make that longing or ache disappear. We just have to take each day as it comes. I never thought i’d be in this position now, at this time. I still go back to that last weekend & ask myself, “did i miss something? Should i have done more?”
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@Scamp1
Hi Scamp, I am exactly the same, wondering if I could have done something or seen the signs sooner. My husband was 7 days in hosp before he died, how did we not know how ill he was. He had a massive metastatic liver tumour, he must have had it for months. So sad for us left behind wondering if we should have done more. Take care of yourself x
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@Bess1 I can feel your grief…Our lives have changed forever, and we miss our beloved so much. It is so true, why still getting cancer after quitting smoking long time ago? This is the same here for my beloved soulmate husband, he quit smoking after trying to for so many years. And yet, he also got lung cancer…It does not seem to make sense. And I remember from my younger days, this old artist man smoked like a chimney and drank a bottle of wine daily, he lived to ripe old age…yet my husband had to physically deapart too soon…
Perhaps, it is an answer only our maker, God can provide. It is by His Will that we cross path here today, to let each other know that we are not alone here, they both quit smoking… yet God took them…
I am very sorry for both of us… and many others of the widowed hearts… I pray that God take care of us … and give us love that we need so much. Xx
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Hi Lola A
Thank you so much for your kind words
Words that mean so much
I to feel sorry for myself
Sorry for what we had and lost
Sorry I’ll never have it again
Sorry for Paul taken to soon
Sorry Paul and I will never share anything together again
I literally feel so alone and basically ‘lost’
How can anyone ( other than us) truly understand
16 months on and I’m really really struggling
Lolxx
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Bess1, that’s really weird cos mine had a tumour that had spread & we didn’t know. She just collapsed on our kitchen floor, had no idea they’d discover that as part of the cause of death! Total shock, had no idea. I struggle with the, making no new memories, we had plans😔
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Scamp 1
Yes we also had plan hopes and a future
Now all I have is an existence
Functioning just …. but an existence
Xx
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My beautiful wife passed away very recently and I have just finished her eulogy- she was a teacher, English literature and the theatre were her passion. I was never one for the arts or theatre and she would always go with friends.
In the process of preparing her eulogy I decided to focus on her passion for poetry literature and theatre. The poetry has somehow helped me to think about how I need to deal with her loss.
She was a SENCO and a counsellor and has helped many children deal with bereavement through the years and always spoke about developing coping strategies. It’s somehow ironic that she has helped me to develop my own strategies now she has gone …,
She had been in palliative care for 2 1/2 years and I the the bereavement started back then as wee both started to come to terms with the situation
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@Cat_fan
You have such a difficult task ahead writing the eulogy for your wife. I’ve recently been through the same, it’s heartbreaking but it’s your opportunity to look back over your life and tell your story. I wish you all the best, and I’m sure you will do her and yourself proud, best wishes x
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