LETTER OF WARNING .....

To answer your question about grief being a life, at times for me, it feels more like existing. I was her carer for years & when that just stops, it’s like, “what do i do now? What’s my purpose?” I’m still not sure to be honest & again at times i just go through the motions of “life.” I guess we should make the most of our lives, seeing as we know how they can be taken but do we feel that way? Are we glad we’re still here? I’m glad she went first cos i wouldn’t want her to feel the pain that i have. That’s one thing i’m grateful for, she’d never have managed, i do know that. I guess we just tick along & see how our journey from here pans out.

4 Likes

Hi scamp
100% agree
Selfishly for us the pain is unbearable and like you I would not of wanted Paul to experience it
It’s when two becomes one after years
Married 10 days off 45 known Paul for49
I know no other life and the adjustment amongest other things is just sheer hell

Lolxx

4 Likes

It’s a different life now . I go out as much as I can but this empty feeling persists . I wish i had gone first . I always told him that. I didn’t expect to be a widow at 55

2 Likes

So sorry Jol
Life’s just not fair …….
Take care
Xx

2 Likes

My wife became increasingly poorly from 2018 onwards and she was diagnosed with MSA in May 2021 and has been on palliative care since from then until she passed away. I had become her carer as well as working. She had adult social care in place but it was mainly myself caring for her with some respite care

Now that she has passed away I am trying to recover some of the aspects of my life that I had lost and making social contact outside the home.

She was 62, a woman of Christian faith - she asked several time “Why me - what have i done to deserve this ?” I tried to reassure her that she had not done anything wrong and that it was an unlucky roll of the dice … Life just
isnt fair

2 Likes

@Scamp1 i know what you mean about going first, I’m not sure how my husband would have managed if he had been left behind, that I am grateful for at least, sending love x

2 Likes

Hi Cat_fan
I remember when Paul was diagnosed with lung cancer
We came home and I said
Why has it landed on our doorstep Why us?
Paul’s answer ……
why not it’s got to land on somebodies doorstep
Life’s so cruel
Sending hugs to all
Xx

3 Likes

Kathy6, yes, i’m grateful for that & sending love back x

2 Likes

Yes - life is cruel / brutal indeed !

I have no idea how I found the strength but I was determined to care for my wife and not let her down.

Now I have to pick up the pieces and move on like she made me promise and be there for my family who are amazing.

Learning to accept help from friends and family has been part of the process from diagnosis to the present day- I am lucky to have wonderful friends and family

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger as they say but I don’t feel too strong

3 Likes

Absolutely- couldn’t agree more :+1:

3 Likes

Yes so many hurdles to overcome- alone & so lonely x

3 Likes

So very alone and very lonely
Xx

3 Likes

@Bess1 alone and lonely sad but true, sending hugs x

3 Likes

Ditto
Sending hugs & strength to everyone x

3 Likes

Thank you Angel 1306 x

2 Likes

Thank you all……
Xx

2 Likes

I know it’s going to be tough, but i just want to wish all as good a Christmas as you can possibly have. I’m sure we will be thinking of each other & our collective grief. We will get through it, i’m sure. Take care everyone x

3 Likes

Have the best Christmas that you can

3 Likes

Thank you all
We have to get through it……this year next year and every year after

I just want my past Christmas’s back Paul and I loved Christmas sadly together no more …… for any of us…….

It really makes a difficult time worse

I wish everyone here to get through it all the best we can

Lolxx

6 Likes

Thanks Bess1 & i’m sure we all will, somehow. I long for Christmases past too but we can’t have em.

2 Likes