I think I will need to have a role behind the scenes, I’ve never looked so haggered ! The camera would not love me. This site is so good, I haven’t smiled in 8 months, but the thought of Sue Ryder the movie has made me smile.
Thank you, everyone X
I think I will need to have a role behind the scenes, I’ve never looked so haggered ! The camera would not love me. This site is so good, I haven’t smiled in 8 months, but the thought of Sue Ryder the movie has made me smile.
Thank you, everyone X
Oh bless you,you made me cry saying that,I don’t think any of us look our best in these terrible times but a smile is good,loads of love xx
Dear Romi. You have a busy schedule with business as well. Thank you for your reply. It must have been difficult for you yo go yo work so soon.
I retired two years ago and returned to work until my husbsnds retirement this March.
I was a confident local authority manager but now reduced to a very insecure and frightened human being. I may be able to extend my work a bit longer (months). But to be honest the purpose is gone and my self confidence is gone down the drain.
I am Latin originally and have been in the uk for most of my adult life.
I have a nephew and two nieces. They have been like our children and loved my husband like a father. They miss him very much and have been as affected with his departure. However, they have their own lives to live with the usual normal family struggles so cant give me the time they would like and i understand.
My husband’s family are very nice but unfirtunatelly live a bit far and, i fear that as we didn’t have children the blood “link” will fade away gradually. (I hope to be wrong)
I never felt so insecure in my life so everything at the moment is foggy and uncetain. May be due to my mood…
Take care and thank you so much.
De xx
Dear Lesley
Thank you for being there. I liked to read what you said about one day to be together again with your husband. Just what i hope so intensively with my darling if only i could be convinced he is here with me, it would give me so much hope for some kind of future.
Your role behind the cameras will need to be identified…
Tske care
Ds xx
Dear De,
to be honest I am still trying to convince myself, none of us know for sure, but I am going with the notion that we will be together again one day. I don’t think I could cope otherwise.
Can someone give me the heads when the camera crew are coming, a couple of hours should do it.
2nd smile !! Xx
Dear De.
Our lives have been turned upside down
Just do a day at a time …or a couple of days at the most
In the beginning I used to split my day up into morning , afternoon and evening and try to do something constructive in each bit of the day
It helped to distract me . Whether it was walking dogs , feeding horses , making phone calls , household chores , working , probate , watching telly , shopping or whatever . It helped me get through the day when the thought of a whole day ahead was too much for me
And when it was all too much I would come on here and say how I was feeling . Someone always replied
It is a hard slog but what else can we do ?
Sending love
Romy xxxx
Thankyou,will check it out,how are you doing? xx
Hopefully a better night’s sleep tonight and things will look much better, thanks.
Thinking of everyone tonight as we enter another weekend. My way of coping is to get outdoors and turn my face to the sun - if no sun, to the wind - then take one step, two steps and so go on. I also try to make sense of my husband’s death and think how I can best go forward. No clear plan as yet, other than I will sorvive. We will survive. Love and respect to you all x
Thanks Cristal.
Hope one day we can make sense of it all.
I planted a very small pine where i used to go for a walk with my darling husband and is giving me purpose to go out to see how it is doing. Hopefully it will keep for a while.
It is like watching something new growing on behalf of my dearest soulmate.
Take care
De x
Ohh dear!! i woke up this morning completly lost. For a minute i couldn’t recognise where i was. Felt frightened and shaken…? Burst into tears like a scaring lonely and lost soul. Familiar feeling?
Went to sleep thinking about my new little pine tree in the small forest and within hours this.
I find difficult to cope with so many ups and downs and mood chsnges Sometimes changes wihin in short periods of time. Is this part of the life change we are confronting,? What a condition to be in
Big hug from me
De xx
Dear De . I think you went to sleep thinking about your new little tree in the forest and probably identified with it
In other words you feel like a little pine tree planted in an unfamiliar forest . After losing your beloved you feel small and scared and in unfamiliar territory and that probably contributed to your panicky state when you woke up this morning
I was telling my bereavement counsellor about how I have taken to hugging an old moss covered sturdy tree in the fields where I walk my dogs every day
She didn’t think I was crazy
She thought that he represented a way of me making myself feel grounded in an unpredictable world
That tree is not going anywhere for a long time …not like my husband suddenly did and left me feeling rootless as she said
So you will need to try and nurture yourself and give yourself has much care as the new little tree you have planted in memory of your husband
It’s what he would want you to do I am sure
Sending you hugs
Romy xxxxx
I love my old tree so much and think that this tree is channeling my husband’s spirit that I’m even referring to the tree as he instead of it now !
Love Romy xxxxx
I’m the sole custodian of the snowdrops, the daffodils, the grape hyacinths and the tulips which are all at various stages of their rebirth. In a way I’ve quite dreaded them coming as for the past four years my wife greeted their arrival by speculating whether she would be here to see them the following year. I suppose that’s just part of being human and our place in the world. Some of my trees are like old friends, although younger than me. Some almost exactly the age of each child.
Dear Romy, in the midst of all our sadness…there’s one of these moments. I did say the other day that your huggable tree deserves a name. I visited a clootie (cloth) tree near Munlochy, a few years ago…for better health and a good year. I feel like a lost cause now…big hug, x
Dear Rainbow . You are definitely not a lost cause
You are a lovely , caring person
You have shown that to all of us in your posts on this forum
Have you discussed with your counsellor where you go from here ?
I am sure you have a lot to offer to people in this world through your kindness and caring nature
Sending big hugs
Romy xxxxx
Dear Romy thanks for your caring words.
when did you start the counselling? I was told that it normally offered after three months!. so I am almost reaching this period but feel that I could have done with counselling from day one!. Although I think this forum has been a good start
Is counselling working for your? I am scared to start a session by going through the painful initial days, which I already go through every time. is that 1-1 or group?
Through the GP? my query was through Employers support service and will be on the phone.
Just visited my little pine tree ( that I planted “secretively”) I hope the local authority gardeners wont have the heart to remove it. I asked for a good long lasting tree donation and happy to pay anything, but apparently we have enough trees… Hum!.
Have seen quite a few snow drops, my husband used to get exited at new live in plants trees, birds. Today it a nippy cold and crispy day in London, just the type of day for my husband to be outside in the garden getting his hand cold and coming inside asking for a nice hot drink… When I occasionally see a Robin or small bird, I would like to think is my darling saying hi!. Gosh I miss him so much!.
De xx
Dear De
I have only had 2 counselling sessions . Both cancellations and last minute as there is a 10-18 week waiting list . I was sent a letter from the psychology department of the hospital where my husband died in ITU . Standard procedure
I thought I didn’t need it but I felt so bad a couple of months after my husband died I rang on the spur of the moment and referrred myself
It’s one to one and each time I have gone I have talked non stop and ended up crying
I don’t know if it’s helped but it certainly hasn’t made things worse
I have arranged now to see the same person just once a month to check in how I am getting on
Weekly would be too much for me
I told her about how helpful this forum is to me and she found it interesting how helpful i have found it is talking to and building relationships with complete strangers who are in the same boat , online
I get really excited if I see a robin or a magpie nearby . My favourite birds
Have to dash . Dogs barking at me cos he wants to go outside
Message you later
Romy xxxx
Thank you for your kind words Romy. Yes, I’m in the care of a clinical psychologist who very much has a handle on my highs and lows. I think CBT will continue for a while longer. I have a lot of love to give but at the moment, can’t see me in a volunteering caring role; only reason is the flashbacks. I’m off to light some candles now, have a good afternoon Romy and everyone, xx