Dear Lilypetal. very sorry for your loss. It is a sad journey. I lost my darling just under 3 months ago and every day the pain increases. I am sleeping with my husbands pyjama tops and are not part of my wardrobe… i have no intention to “sort out” his clothes and probably will never do. hope you find some peace writing. We are navigating the same boat with the support of each other.
Take care
De x.
Hi
My wife died in hospital on a large v shaped pillow that my son had bought her to make her more comfortable. It’s been 7 months now and I still sleep with that pillow wrapped around me every night and still haven’t changed the cover. The things we do to try and cope.
Take car3
William
Hi Lesley,
Thank you for your kind thoughts yesterday, very much appreciated, x
Dear Romy, I did my very best yesterday but so emotional. Maybe on a train journey to Edinburgh wasn’t the best place to deal with the waves of emotion. It was so worth it though. We spent our 30th anniversary there so I felt in a good place; so much tender love between us, for all those years. He would have just loved the trams!
I pictured you and your family having your traditional meal together. I hope all went well and your Monday hasn’t been too manic. I am forever grateful for your kindness Romy, with lots of love, xx
Dear YorkshireLad,
I lived to tell the tale…the planning and execution went ok…it was the waves of emotion that were a bit harder to deal with, especially on a train journey. I still felt special and so lovedwhilst in Edinburgh…very much a worthwhile treat.
There are many bittersweet memories that come to mind, for us both. It’s very much a mixed bag from the onset of illness.I hope your next adventure, starting tomorrow I believe, doesn’t have too much drama. The carriage was serenaded on the return journey by a group of young men from Donegal. Take care.
Dear Rainbow .
I am so glad you posted something now because I was getting concerned about you and how you got on yesterday
You were very brave doing the journey and going back and I am glad it brought back some good memories even though it was very emotional
Well done you
Thinking of you and sending much love
Romy xxxxx
Hi
I also go to bed cuddling my husband,s pyjama shorts he wore his last day in hospital and like you haven’t wash them or intend to. Mind, if I wake up in the middle of the night and don’t have them close to me I panic .
I started talking to him quietly apologising for not been able to do much. but hope I will one day talk to him about our lively 30 years together. we all have our ways to manage this very indescribable and difficult circumstances we are in and, if it works its perfect!
warmest wishes
De.
Hi all. It’s almost a relief to know that we are all going through the same emotions. I sometimes wonder if I’m going mad. Will it ever end. One minute I think I’m in control, then it all goes haywire again. Memories are a killer. I went to a garden centre today to get some seed potatoes for our allotment. My husband always grew the potatoes and while I was looking at all the types I started crying as I couldn’t remember the name of the ones he grew. Last year, and every year we went together. I went back to the car and sobbed. Then I went onto a supermarket which was the last place we visited together and my husband drove there. He never went out again. And yes I keep thinking about the silly arguments what on earth was the point now. I rarely drive the car these days, yet I class myself as an experienced driver. Today I went for a good drive, only been doing short journeys since my husband died in November. Small steps but although I spent some of today crying over memories I was quite pleased with myself…
I picked Edinburgh for my first trip away and stayed three nights. I knew I could manage there as there is so much to see and do. It was a place we loved to visit together. Next time it actually does get a bit easier. Tomorrow will be my fifth trip or adventure. Windermere again. I’m looking at a couple of walks that were never done by my wife so whilst her memory will come with me there’s no familiar territory.
I feel I can handle the hotel quite well now. I have my routine. One more break booked in March and then nothing further planned.
I hope you feel a sense of achievement. It helps to reflect on what went well.
Dear Pattidot
So much in common with all of us. Its ups and downs. More downs for me at the moment. Where i live every road, shop, garden centre, park train station , you name it, reminds of my husband. Every eanch of oud place i think its him after all these are the result of his DIY… . If only he new how much i “admire his efforts” …
I drive but…dont do motorways…so for me good bye to the Peak districi or coastal walks in Devon or Wales or anywhere really , he was the driver… i just drive to my town…
Well done you. Small steps.
Welllll i did something today…
i am terrified of spiders, my husband used to take thdm and save their lives from my panicking.
I saw a huuugeeeee spidrr in the bathroom and managed with a glass to “save” it . So hope my darling is proud of me!! Silly i know.
De xxx
That’s just how I feel about our town. We’ve lived here for almost 43 years and became part of the fabric. I walk past the church where my wife worked and worshipped and where her funeral took place. The seats on The Grove where we sat in the sun and listened to the band, the cafes and restaurants we frequented. The haberdashery shop that has just closed where the children picked buttons for newly knitted jumpers. So many memories. In time I believe the familiarity of it all is a comfort. I love to walk the field paths where we walked the dogs daily, walk past the bilberry bushes on the Moor and think of how we enjoyed the fruits of our labour’s, our walks in the bluebell woods.
Our house is a memorial. Her touch is everywhere.
I’ve now reached a point where memories can bring a smile. I looking forward to the day when it’s pure joy.
Hi.
So glad to hear these as now good memories.
I look forward to the day when things will make sense and small things can bring some happy memories. At present all is psin, sadness and lonliness.
Every corner i turn is like going into an scaring unknown time, where my whole body and mind is asking only to see and be with my dear husband . I want nothing else.
I am searching for that something that will bring back the smallest smallest little light of hope for me to remember our happy times.
Take care
De
I’m still more like you are De than how Yorkshire Lad is but I am feeling numb more than scared at the moment
My husband was still too young and vital and vibrant and dynamic to just have the life sniffed out of him in an instant
I know he had turned 60 but you hear so much now like 60 is the new 40 and with the children pretty much grown up and our business pretty well established after over 30 years we were starting to be able to take a bit more time for ourselves together
That’s gone now
He’s gone
Who knows how I will do in the future without him
I am trying to carry on with everything as if he is still here but the reality of it is that he is not
My head is a bit of a jumble
It’s my birthday and my youngest daughter’s tomorrow. Have spent every birthday with him since 1977 cos we met in 1976 when I was 16 and he was 19
Such a long time to be with someone so our lives are ever entwined but like you the memories are bringing me sadness and loneliness at the moment . Not joy .
The suddenness and shock of his death has been too great and is too recent for me
to feel anything else
Sending hugs
Romy xxxxx
Snuffed
Hi Sorry
Its a sad time and i am all over the place. Today three months ago started the dreadfull week when my my darling left home to hospital and never returned. After going to the GP he asked to go to A&E . But my darling indidted to come home for a few minutes and for a cip of tea. Which we did.
I cant bear this pain any more. If only we knew then what the end was going to be.
I am so sad. Sorry i have to write. I want my husband back. I want to know he is ok.
Xx
I know it’s a cliché but give it time. You can’t hurry love. You can’t hurry grief.
They are good memories but just the simple act of typing it here was an act of devotion and the tears flowed.
The pain will soften a little but the sadness is probably for ever. Loneliness is a state of mind and someday we will feel it more than others. Unfortunately being alone is tough and it takes lots of effort to avoid being alone all the time.
There only is today and, hopefully, the future. We can’t rely on anybody else to change things and putting it bluntly we sink or we swim. At the moment it’s just about survival.
I think the thing is that love makes us feel safe .
I don’t feel so safe without my husbsnd’s love and I also don’t feel so safe with the way that his life ended so suddenly with no warning
I am trying to keep afloat by not struggling against everything that has happened and trying not to be frightened by life’s uncertainty . It’s just the way life is I know but it is hard going
Nobody else can do it for you like you said and some days are harder than others
Someone told me that my husband left a legacy of love for me and our children , which was a lovely thing to say . So I lean on that
That , and a bit of tree hugging and some other strange rituals I have developed get me through life on a day to day basis but like you said it is just a matter of survival at the moment
It is no way to live long term and the thought of being sad for ever is unbearable so I hope that the grief will soften and change over time and that the memories will give more joy than sadness in the end
Romy xxxxx
At the moment, Yorkshire lad, I think most of us are doing doggie paddle.
Dear Romy, you’re feeling numb because you’ve had to put your protective armour on…your hurt is too much to bear, at this time. Life now isn’t as we knew it or expected it to be and that’s the hardest part…as well as future happiness being snatched away.
I feel like I’ve been grieving forever…it’s everything and everywhere.
There is today Romy…we can only try our best and do whatever it takes to walk on…take care of your needs too, love will stand strong, x
Thank you for replying Rainbow . It means a lot and it helps
Sending lots of love
Romy xxx