@Woman-50 I think it feels like yesterday because on the day our partners passed time stopped for us. Everyone around us is moving on and I find myself wondering if anything that happened matters now she’s gone, if life is simply going on regardless. Is it just left to me and my children to make any sense of it? It must mean something to me as I can’t stop the intense agony I feel. But you’re right how do we ever get to process this?
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Mike75 Yes that is totally true time stops and others get on with life as they are not the ones going through this awful black tunnel and I totally get that fact of thinking nothing matters being that you have lost your loved one as i feel exactly that I have questioned what is the point now? Me and my children are trying to make sense of it but sometimes we cannot and that is daunting also 
A friend of mine just the other day said it’s onwards and upwards now I cannot describe the intense black feelings I had towards this person and her being a friend whom actually has lost her hubby also I told her in so many words what that meant to me and how at specific moment in time that did not enter my thoughts so therefore am now believing is this what life has come to life is just birth and death the way people look on it now and no in-between so yes definitely do we ever get to process this?
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Hi Pony, I am so incredibly sorry to hear about all the pain you’re going through. I totally understand how you are feeling. I don’t think anyone has an idea what happens to you when someone you love dies. I don’t think people understand unless it happens to them.
I too feel that I was let down when my lovely amazing Dad died last year. It’s got to the point now where I’ve had to go and get some therapy as I just couldn’t go on.
Please take comfort that everyone on here feels and understand whst you’re going through xx
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Before my wife passed last April, she wept and said,”I will always be with you!” My best friend for 47 years and perhaps my only real friend. I feel her presence doing the things we did together. Keeping to our routines.
I’ve read many books on NDEs and the experiences on NDERF.org which give me comfort. I’ve had one wonderful short vivid visitation dream by her. Many of the NDEs relate that we are here to learn. Her passing is the hardest lesson, losing alleged friends is hard yet better to know where you stand.
She always said,”Things happen for a reason.” And,”We are our choices.”
Our youngest son is in contact daily either by phone, text or walks, his brother too is missing in action. 
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Having a bad day today…been assaulted by dream after dream i cant handle any more dreams about who ive lost…having nobody to talk to…i appreciate all the responses ive received and its sad to realise how many suffer from loss day after day.
Im not unique in any way but my sadness still has wore me down to the point of not caring about much anymore i do what i have to and thats it i never knew life could be this painful and forlorn i never realised how little anyone cares for my cept the one i lost the one i turned to who never asked for much in return who loved me just as i was who now is so far away resting and has no clue how i yearn for him every waking moment and every sleeping moment too it seems…our life together is over mine continues but seems to have little value on its own i simply exist…my children keep me going keep me working and are a still a source of love reminding me that all is not lost but they have their own lives their own worlds and they have no clue how desolate i have become as i go on like clockwork day after day…perhaps they do know as they notice little things like how i rarely brush or wash my hair or pick out nice clothes to wear or do any of the things that once i enjoyed but because i work they think im ok…i dont tell them i work only becaue i have to and if i didnt i wouldnt…my only goal is to fall asleep in front of the tv with my dogs i dont even go to bed anymore and most nights i dont even get changed i simply sleep in my clothes. Im a cleaner so it hardly matters i see nobody and nobody sees me… im trying to be better but after 7 months its got worse far from where id like to see myself but i cant help it though i try and i do try im not one to wallow but my ife as i see it is meaningless i hate myself and everything that kept me sane and happy is somewhere i cant reach him
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The onwards and upwards brigade…makes me wonder do they jave any concept of what love actually is…how deep is their love…questionable
@Pony really feel your pain and having no reason to go on. Wish i was a bit closer as i have found having a coffee with someone in the same tunnel, doesnt take away the joyless but allows your to share your grief face when days are really bad. I had a bad week and it took me until yesterday to feel numb . Thinking of you .
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I can relate to you watching them die. I too watched as my fiancé suffocated to death, feeling entirely helpless. Nobody can understand what you are going through because nobody else was there.
But here is an entire community of people who are willing to talk/listen whenever you need. We may not know you personally but we are your friends, and we want to help and support you however you need
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Yes what i miss is a kind face who would break into my silent world even for only a short while…a chance to revive jaded hearts with shared empathy and a few words more together to lighten the heavy atmosphere and feel human to human what life means after bereavement…we cant bring back what we’ve lost but the insufferable loneliness serves only to drive home the awesome hole in my heart…i feel like a dog at his masters grave knowing its over but still not able to move on and accept it…thank you for your kinds words dear friend
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Dear friend what you so briefly described sounds so pverwhelmingly sad and my heart does go to you for all that you’ve lost all the potential ofnwhat could have been snatched away so cruelly…at least i had 22 years…i have my children and a wealth of memories …but losing ypurbfuture must be very very hard on you and you have my deepest and most sincere sympathy for i can only imagine what that must feel like…all my love
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@Pony
So difficult that we are all so far apart but maybe even direct messaging between people you find you particularly relate to could help.
For anyone who would like to be more directly in touch with me please pm me. I’m sure others would feel the same too so reach out to each other. xxx
Thank you for hearing me and taking time to reply with your kind words… i remember my father dying it was 6 years ago now and i miss him every day his passing was such sadness . .another tale of deep regret that i was not there in his dying moments in fact he came to me in a dream at the time of his passing and thats how i knew he’d gone soon as i woke…and i was right… take heart your father loved you and like mine he is in a far better place though they leave us behind to mourn the better days when we were younger and happier… all my love dear friend
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@Pony
I lost my Dad when I was expecting my first daughter over 27 years ago and I could still cry at times. I adored him and the day he died I knew he had been taken back in to hospital in Devon while I was living in Wales. I bargained with myself that if I did the ‘right thing’ and went to work instead of staying by the phone he’d be ok.
My darling husband was the one to break the news to me when I got home and pick up the pieces of the wreck that was me for quite a while afterwards.
There is nobody to pick up those pieces this time and the loss is even harder to bear.
Love to all bearing this terrible loss. xxx
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Ooh yes the going back to work …i could kick myself for not leaving work so much sooner to care for my love but i thought we need the money and wed cope somehow…big mistake…i was lucky my father was around to see my sons he was such a great babysitter when they were young so patient and always bringing them gifts and treats to pass the time whilst i was busy shopping or working and they loved him…isnt it awful knowing where we needed to be but for whatever reason were not…and yes Darren was there right by my side dealing with what i couldnt and making me strong again…i know now there will never be another for me no matter what happpens its my path to walk alone…somewhere we will find the strength i imagine that inside our hearts the will to live is still there somewhere because here we are talking about our pain and trying hard to overcome it…i would have never imagined id be here in this space typing away to my only friends in the whole world …my youngest son was 15 when darren died …hes so young so down too i try get him to open up to me but like his father he is and says very little…i worry about him i worry about both of them they were close to their father and so i try not to burden them at all as much as i can…some days thats impossible…days like today…take care dear friend thank you for taking time to talk to me here much love and prayers for strength and guidance straight to your heart from mine…it really does help perspective to know im not alone even though i think i am but hearing from others and their sad stories helps balance me a lot …shared grief is a kind of blessing i think
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Such a shame we’re all so far apart. A meet up would be so nice and, I think, very beneficial. I’m in Suffolk.
Yes it is a shame we can not all meet up would love to meet all of you i live in Maidstone Kent
Jean8 and sue11 why not DM and arrange Skype or WhatsApp FaceTime. I have to do this with scattered family.
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Hi @Pony I hear and feel everything you say. Your words touched my heart. I wish I could do or say something to help you, but I can’t as I feel the same. I think my family realise how bad I am but they are at a loss as how to help me through this minefield, although they are trying their best. They can see I am struggling but not the desperation and torment of having to face each and every day without my soulmate and best friend. I also sleep on the settee, but not as much as I used to. It’s just so horrendous. Sending love and peace.X
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Hi l feel exactly the same We we’re married for 30 years but together 34 years I also watched him fade away from the strong sturdy man to a shadow of himself He died in front of me and I can’t get the images out of my mind I know most folk will say he or she passed peacefully but mine didn’t it was horrible
He died 4 months ago on the 8th of October We we’re getting some help from the hospice which was a god send The night he died he couldn’t get a breath I had phoned for the out of hours nurses who normally came and they would give him an injection to help with his breathing but on this occasion they had been held up so after a while I had to dial 999
My husband was in a lot of pain and he was screaming at me to help him I’ll never forget it
The nurses arrived after about 2 hours of my original phone call as did the ambulance But by this time it was too late the nurses gave him an injection to try and settle him but also told me to get my family to come asap
They left me with him for a short time and that’s when I told my husband to just rest and how much I loved him He couldn’t speak but just stared straight at me he tried to speak but the words couldn’t come Then just like that he was gone
I’m totally heart broken and I’m sure as others will know the pain is horrendous
Grief is horrible
Although people have been really kind I think the months after it is awful You don’t get as many visitors and for me that was the hardest part The loneliness is awful
I don’t know if I’m even writing this on the appropriate page but I’m sure you will all know how I’m feeling
I hope in time things get better not just for me but for all of you tool
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