Pam I’m the same, my husband died 11 months ago, 3 weeks after being told he had so much cancer they couldn’t do anything for him. I believe I’m still in shock at how suddenly it all happened. I just can’t find the motivation to get off the sofa to do anything about the house or garden. I have zero energy and as many have already said the silence is deafening! My husband sung from he got up in the morning. I’m also realising how much i took him for granted when i need things fixed around the house. Love to u all x
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Steve really wanted to go back up to Scotland and Northumberland we where going to do it when he retired…But then he was hit with cancer
So we just went back to Weymouth because he was the driver and could only do a couple hours. I’m glad my daughter took me back and I had other family with me x
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My Steve had three and a half years after he found out he had cancer but the treatment made him really poorly in the end . He did try to beat it he tried everything they would give him and that took a lot of are time up .We didn’t do anything to prepare for when it happened because he kept saying he would be fine
Sending hugs x
Even when outside I feel like a stranger in a foreign land (I feel that nobody gets me - I know some people who have lost someone dear to them but I can’t help feeling like I’m the only one). Sorry not encouraging.
I have read about mindfulness and breathing exercises and such like, I dont feel I’m in a place yet to try these. I can’t even listen to music without tears streaming down my face.
Actually I dont know where I am right now. My wife died in Jan 2024. I seem to be in a state of limbo and can’t shake it X
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Hi @Steve71 my wife passed in early March so I fully get the uncontrollable tears and the unbelievable amount of triggers that appear out of nothing. My GP said today this really only happened to you in the equivalent of it being yesterday given you were partners for over 31 yrs and you are experiencing one of the most shocking impacts on your mind and emotions that any human can suffer. That certainly puts it in to context. I think we’ve got to be kind to ourselves in what can be achieved in a day, in a morning even. Rest assured if there was a way to sooth this I’d be sharing like mad but I’ve certainly not come across anything. All I can say is that you are one amongst us, moving around others who are blind to our pain (until it happens to you, you can’t begin to understand in my opinion) and we have to just take a small step in any way we can.
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Thanks for responding. Like you say, one step one day at a time.
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I can’t stand the loneliness the quiet as much as I promise I will try to do things it’s so hard doing it on your own no fun .im so miserable without him I keep telling myself to try harder nobody asks me how I am no one wants to talk about him . I have no family or friend that I can talk to I feel so alone
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Hi @Pam14 I’m sorry that you feel so alone. It’s so hard doing things on your own. Like you say … no fun. There’s no one to share those things with. I also spend a lot of time on my own which I find at times very debilitating. People say to me try new things but they don’t understand what it’s like trying to start again when you are later in life. I’m here if you need to talk. Take care of yourself.x
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I feel lonely and alone. Without my partner I live in a house not a home. Living alone is awful. We didn’t live together in the week but we phoned at least three times a day. I am trying to look forward. Today has been awful. Can’t be bothered with anything.
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@Christina47 hi . I’m sorry today has been awful for you , yes the loneliness and being alone , really affects us in every part of our life now . Sometimes my husband had to work away , only for a couple of days , but I missed him terribly, but never felt lonely , because I knew he would be coming back home , back to me , with a kiss and a smile . Now I’m just waiting to go home to him , 
…my home is now just a house , bricks and mortar, an empty shell . All the comfort , love , happiness and warmth has gone. Where once this house was filled with so much love and laughter , there is just a nothingness without my husband here . All we can do is try and get through each crap day . I know it helps me knowing that I have been truly loved and my husband is out there somewhere . Still loving me … I hope tomorrow is a better day for you . Xtake carex
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I understand, @Christina47 and @Broken2222 and I am sorry you feel so lonely.
It’s just over 8 weeks since my partner died, and today has been my worse day so far. I even went to bed at 4pm because I felt so low. I did sleep for a bit but forced myself to get up because I know I won’t sleep tonight otherwise. I am so thankful for this forum. I really don’t feel I can keep burdening family/friends when I feel dreadful. They then just worry about me. I also don’t think anyone can understand just how bad this is unless they have been through it themselves. Sending a hug to anyone who feels lonely too.
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@KMS1 hi, this site has been a lifeline for me , such a lot of support from so many kind and lovely people . I didn’t actually stumble across it till I was four months in from losing my husband . And in such deep dark despair . That was over two years ago . It’s heartbreaking though , to know that the people helping me , that understands how I feel , only know because they feel the same …I can’t talk to my kids , I want to protect them , they lost their dad and it would be heartbreaking for them to see me unravel .
My sleep now is still hit and miss . I only sleep for a couple of hours at a time now . My husband used to say I could sleep on a washing line . But that was when he was here loving and protecting me … I say now I’m on a treadmill of life , but I had it on too high a setting , and kept falling off , now I have it on a low setting , and just say managing . Please look after yourself , and keep posting on here .xtake carex
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I do have family but I just can’t talk to them about him .Maybe they don’t ask how I am because they’re not sure how to answer me x
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I think we all feel guilty when someone dies but you would have done your best. My husband had leukemia and was told he had 1-3 years but he died 3 weeks later. There was so much left unsaid because I thought we had time. I hope he knew how much I loved him. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost their love
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@Broken2222 thanks for that. I like your treadmill analogy. I knew I would feel sad but I didn’t expect to be feel such deep dark despair like you describe. It is so awful, isn’t it, and as you say it’s heartbreaking to know that the people who understand how we feel are those who are going through it too. You look after yourself too, and thanks for taking the time to reply to my post x
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Good point @Pam14
After all, there’s nothing anyone can say to stop the pain. That’s why this forum is so helpful. We can say what we like, knowing that other people will understand and are happy to listen. Just such a shame we are all dealing with this debilitating grief. x
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I am so sorry for all your losses and I know how demanding it to cope with bereavement
My husband died last year abroad on a visit to his relatives I loved my husband for nearly 65 years He died on a visit to his family in Africa without me and he was buried there too So no funeral so grave etc etc no opportunity for me to grieve
Nevertheless I thought it was important to accept the situation and let things go and be at peace .So you can carry out your other responsibilities The beloved person has died They won’t ever return just accept it Let them be at peace and be at peace yourself too
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@Ilovehorses hi , that must be so tough for you , surrounded by couples in there 80s . That’s all that we wanted , to grow old together , to finish our life together. Not for one of us to have their life cruelly cut short . All so wrong in everyway … I have no interest in our house anymore …I often walk from room to room as if I’m looking for something or someone , but never find what I need and want . Yes it’s an awful nightmare. But you do wake up from a nightmare , I doubt we will ever waken from this one , sending hugs xtake carex
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So much left unsaid, wishing you had cuddle more, held hands more, told them how much you loved and appreciated them more and the guilt you put on yourself because of this.
Its strange that when I laugh I feel guilty in doing so, even though I know my wife would have wanted me to carry on living and enjoying life.
When does this guilt stop? How can I convince myself its ok to carry on living and enjoying life?
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I feel the same every time I do anything I think steve should off been with me how can I do this without him .
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