@KMS1 you take care too 
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I am generally busy but losing my soil mate in January is like nothing I have ever experienced.
I feelthe pain of all those on here as we all feel so lost and bereft regardless of our circumstances.
Thinking of you all. Xx
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I feel bad as by trying to keep busy we are doing all the things my wife nagged me to do around the house , but I always made excuses/had something else to do , can see her up there saying āoh so now you will do them !ā
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Dont feel bad. Ive just done the garden and cut the grass.
I need to keep busyā¦ im sure you do too, so do what you think is best
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Definitely dont feel bad about keeping busy. Its the only way I can get through the days. You do whatever you can to stay sane.
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I find it very hard to keep busy Iāve just lost all interest in everything
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Iāve just paid for Nicks funeral and im sorting through everything now.
Big hugs to everyone xxx
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Totally identify with it feels like filling time because thatās how it feels to me.
My view of things has changed, Before if my husband was doing something and I maybe pottered around doing something it was normal, enjoyable. Now itās something to fill the time.
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Big hugs to you x
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I think some of you will understand this.
It is less than two months since my wonderful husband suddenly died.
What seems to emphasise my loneliness,
firstly people have already stopped contacting me. I think itās the āfuneral has happened so itās okā syndrome.
Plus, people want to go back to their normal lives and not think about losing someone dear to them. I get it. However, I, we, donāt have a choice.
Also, the people who are back in their normal lives and are still in contact donāt mention my husband anymore. I do and will continue to talk about him.
They tell me about their normal lives with their partners. I really am not jealous but of course I wish I could still do this with my lovely husband. We went to the garden centre, good, thatās, nice but how I wish I could still go to one with him and many more ordinary things we used to do.
The final thing is hearing from family who did not come to visit before the funeral, now telling me they are visiting friends and what they plan to do with them. That makes me angry and deepens my feelings of being abandoned by those I thought would be there.
Thank you for letting me moan and explain how I feel.
Love and hugs to all of you x
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Other people donāt understand what we are going through they still have their familyās Around them and donāt understand what itās like to be left all alone they have their lives and everything carries on as normal for them while we live in the silence of our loved ones gone
Sending hugsX
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@RoseGarden I so understand what you mean. I am nearly 4 months alone now, and most people have stopped calling. Jim and i were happy being just the two of us, but I do feel alone without him.
The other thing that gets me is my sister in law. She never invited us to stay when we were a couple. Now every time I speak to her she takes pains to point out that she has a spare bedroom waiting for me. Its a 2.5 hour drive and she canāt understand that Iām reluctant to make that trip on my own.
Sorry, its turned into a bit of a rant 
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Nicks funeral is on the 16th may.
Im grieving, everyone isā¦ but what annoys me at the moment is people from his work doing a massive big write up about Nick on fb but they rarely saw him because he started working from home due to covid, then he carried on working from home. Then he took medical retirement. So youre talking 4yrsā¦ in yetā¦ its THEIR loss!! And its driving me mad 
And, no i probably wont see them again after the funeralā¦ Grrrr! I feel your pain 
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People from my wifeās work were contacting my son ( who worked with his mum for a bit until last year ) asking whenās the funeral etc , she was the same worked from home all through covid and even after ( as she had some health issues ) , virtually everyone there moaned about why should she be allowed to work from home when they were forced back into the office , some were nasty about it .
Then they all want to come and pay their respects , no fāing chance , you showed no respect when she was alive , so I had my son tell them close family only as I would have seriously lost it had any of those hypocrites turned up .
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Ghrrr thatās very provoking their is no obvious thought is their itās about their own show . It reinforces their lack of care and understanding from day 1 . How sad
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When we ever get used to our loneliness, I donāt think I ever will. I find that even if I go out for a walk I pushed myself to go shopping to get out and do something
Then Iām just sat watching tv and thought here I am on my own lonely
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same Pam x
Its so sadā¦ ive just walked the dogs with my daughter and she waffled onā¦ and i thought it should be Nick walking them with me. My daughter is nearly 35ā¦ got her own place.
Its easier to sit aloneā¦ its more exhausting to pretend to be happy when youāre not.
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Mandy
All the time Iām walking Iām talking to Steve people must think Iām mad I walked round Tesco talking to him it is really said x
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My husband did the same had purpose built shed everything in place with wheelchair access. Finished august as he died following February. He has been gone just over the year and I aim to clear it this summer. Donāt know what I will do with it. Put gardening tools in there . Use as a hobby room.
As for the house I have continued with our plans . Decorated downstairs decluttered. Someone doing staircase for me . I have days where I think Iāll move downsize but I have good neighbours in a quiet area will I get that again? Thereās a downstairs wet room and bedroom ,ramps at outside doors and easy to keep garden so ready for my old age.
I had to do most things before he died. I hate driving though especially on my own. I donāt go far . Life lonely on your own.Struggle to find a purpose. I have good family but he cannot be replaced.
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I feel the same. The lonliness is unbearable at times. I have no family. One good friend phones me when she knows I am having a bad time. I often wonder if the lonliness will ever leave me. I became ill due to the stress. I have to push myself to go out because I have to find anything to distract me and my thoughts. You are not alone. I find Jigaw puzzles distract me and find that I am spending most of the day doing them when I should be doing something else. I had never done Jigsaws before my partners sudden death but a friend suggested it and it helps.
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