I’ve always done a bit of cooking at home and when I retired just over two years ago I told my wife she could retire from cooking as I would take over. She was delighted!
Anyway, my point is that since she passed, just over 3 months ago, I have found that shopping and cooking for one is very hard to come to terms with, it’s just so alien not to be cooking for two. 
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Exactly! And then I feel mean because I am eating “his” portion. How stupid is that? No, don’t answer that!
Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.
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OK, I won’t answer it! 
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That made me chuckle. THat’s the second laugh I have had today, both followed by tears but it;'s a start!
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Hope they managed not to fall in, Ann! Made me laugh too. And thank you Mrs Colt for humour thread, will look for it! We certainly do need a laugh anc the photo was funny, he was no Adonis! Ann, meal making is a big source of upset for me too. Malcolm was vegetarian and I was always looking for different recipes to make for him. It seems so strange to not be doing that now and I feel kind of guilty though it’s illogical. I got blindsided today on my first shopping trip without him to Morrison’s, I got into the soya/ nut milk aisle and found tears just running down my face. It’s a long, hard road as the song goes. Hope you have a good day tomorrow x
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Glad you’re still with us Al, sympathies for your solitary cooking, it’s awful and just feels so wrong. Funny how we can smile and cry almost simultaneously. Long live the naked German sunbather! 
x
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As you said - perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. I hope so.
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You invited us in… now we’re taking over! 
x
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Ha ha, feel free! Don’t mind at all , you make me laugh, that has to be good!x
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Hi bjane, Had some storms and now outside it’s just damp with the glaring white skies. I like hot weather and the blue skies and clouds have been beautiful recently. Maybe the weather is getting to the cats too? Timmy is in a state of collapse and tried to swipe Kate just now. He’s usually quite chipper but really grumpy in recent days. That breakfast was a bargain! Good for you, guys! My husband likes a cooked breakfast and my Dad enjoyed the same at the care home… With the counselling, I do often feel a bit of a crash afterwards. If it’s really bad, I just hide under the quilt. I know it’s helping me though as I am starting to remember the good times and not just reliving that awful last week and his death. Counselling can be tough but it’s part of the journey of healing and adjusting, I think… I used to spend a lot of time making things. My Dad was an artist and in the last few months of his life, we painted together at the care home. I can’t look at the paintings yet so have put them away. My Dad had a ball of string in his room (that’s Dads for you) so I crocheted it into a basket. I am really going to try to start making things again. I have lots of wool and fabric piled up and stuff for scrapbooking! The Pucci fabric sounds fab! What colour is it? I hope you make your shift. I had to force myself to get the sewing machine out but I did enjoy sewing yesterday afternoon. Have a go - even if you just choose a pattern and handle the fabric. I LOVE ITALY. I love anything and everything Italian. I travelled by train from Venice to Florence then Rome. I just love Venice and went last December. It was freezing but beautiful and I travelled out to the islands. I recommend YouTube Massimo Nalli - his videos are exquisite… Glad you have happy memories but I can understand the sadness too x Have a relaxing time at the hairdressers. I have a day off so going out with Kate shopping. Lots of Love, Rachel xxx Been reading the thread from lots of people! Hello Everyone!..x
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Hi Rachel, that’s such a lovely thing, painting with your Dad in his care home and one day you’ll be able to look at his !! paintings with happy memories as well as sadness. I liked the ball of string, Malcolm was never far away from one , along with his Swiss Army knife! It’s so nice to know that you love Italy too, I love that everything is always beautiful, whatever it is, Malcolm always said I was like that, appearance over functionality and he was right! But I do have Italian genes from way back and an Italian maiden name, so it can’t be helped! We loved Venice and were. planning to go there next year for our 50th wedding anniversary, but it was not to be. I had wanted to visit Burano, it looked so pretty with that beautiful rainbow of houses, have you been there? Somehow we got whisked off in a speed boat to Murano by two perfect strangers in black and wondered if it was the Mafia in action, but we were half way there then and it was too late!! We visited Naples and liked it there, probably a little more dangerous than the speedboat trip, and we’re planning a trip to Sorrento next. You never know what’s round the corner so don’t put things off , do them as soon as you can! Lecture from the older and maybe or maybe not, wiser, don’t waste time!! Have looked at my fabric and can’t make a decision, how pathetic! Will possibly make a patchwork quilt out of some of his shirts if I can bear to start cutting them up!! Will have a look at Massimo, was thinking of learning Italian, only have a few words , but seems a bit pointless now . Oh dear this is so gloomy, sorry, hope you have a lovely time shopping with Kate, I look forward to doing that again with Katie, seeing her very soon!! I would post a picture of Marly if some kind person could tell me how to do it??!! Lots of love xxx
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hi bjane
Sorry I didn’t get back to you I have been having problems with the site too and messages not sending etic. Then I was working and ill so this is the first chance I have had to get back on. Thank you so much for sharing about Marley and so glad you finally got him. Did I tell you before how much I loved the name. So glad he trusts you enough to sit on your knee that is such a big deal… Looking forward to the pics.
Yes I know what you mean about Christmas its going to be hard. I don’t know mine will either be on my own or with my Uncle it depends if his sisters family invite him to stay with them. I also know what you mean about happy couples my mum was exactly the same way after my dad died. She kept looking at couples older than herself and it made her quite teary knowing that her and my dad would never have that. At the time she was very vital little did we know what would happen only a few years later. I feel it too not just with mothers and daughters but also with couples and friends out. I miss all of that, glad for them but it does leave me a little empty inside, totally get what your saying. Take care. Am so glad for you about Marley. Just saw what you said about the dog no I cant get a dog because of my housing situation but as soon as its fixed I am definitely getting one it will be something to get up and go on for. In the meantime I am on hol this week so am going to go up to my uncles and give him a hand on his small holding and cuddle his collies. Haven’t seen any of them for a while so it will be good.
Take care of yourself.
Meebee
hi RCB,
I have been having exactly the same problems with the site on Fri and on Sat. I have been up and down as are we all mine was partially because of problems at work caused by my brother and nephew. Another story but yeah I hopeful for the counselling. Its true what you say about talking about your problems and stuff related to your grief and being worried about talking too much about it etc. I know exactly how you feel. I think in someways I want to learn how to feel a little normal again and I am hoping the counsellor will help with this. But I must say that this site and the people on it have been a total godsend for me. Yeah I know what you mean about rituals and how things are so different also I find that the rituals that we used to share with the ones who are gone are hard too because thats when we miss them most. i think of you often and how you are doing in your job. You are such an amazing woman.
I have to wait for a pet until my housing situation is sorted but yes am definitely getting one at some point.
I am begining to make a new friend who I meet while out walking and she has the most gorgeous dogs who give me a hug every time they see me but thats cause I started giving them biscuists ( I had some for my uncleds dog but now I keep some in case I see them) so that will have to be enough for now. Cats are wonderful, funny wee characters but they do have their own point of view. I have met a funny cat on my walks he balances on the thinnest fence imaginable and keeps staring into the long grass by the side of the golf club, he is always there and is curious to watch. Take care of yourself. Thinking of you.
Meebee
Hi bjane
Thank you for sharing about italy I always wanted to go. My mum was into crochet too in her younger days and my aunts did a lot of knitting. Its funny but a lot more people are taking it up again.
If you do something with the fabric would love to see a photo. You sound very creative and if it brings you a little joy at this time then go for it. I know there used to be groups who met up before the COVID to do crochet, knitting and sewing together. Maybe if there is one in your area you could join. Take care and best wishes.
Meebee
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Hey Ann,
Sorry for not getting back to you on other post had problems with posting. Anyway that is funny what a strange coincidence. Totally understand about the tin, its the silliest little things that can knock us suddenly for six isn’t it.
Thinking of you.
Meebee
Dear AL and Ann
I have been on my own forever and as for cooking for one dont cook for two and put the other portion in the fridge or freezer you can have it later. It will make you feel better well not really but it will be more economical.
But as Ann says once you do it this way you will prob feel like your eating “their” portion and you feel a little guilty and miss them all over again. So no its not silly its normal and difficult.
Even though I don’t have anyone I still sometimes wish I had someone to share the other part of the can, weirdly I never felt this way when I had a freezer and used a large packet of veg.
Each day is different so I do hope tomorrow will be a bit better for everyone.
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Dear RCB
Thanks for all the tips. Firstly about the counselling I too want to remember the good times they seem so locked away just now with everything else and I miss that. That is wonderful that you and your Dad painted together and that you have those amazing memories to carry on with you but it is also totally understandable that you cant bear to look at them just now. I know that you will one day and you will always have them to cherish. When you are ready… Your dad sounds like a really interesting and talented man, you must be proud of him and who he was among all of your grief and we appreciate you sharing your experiences with us.
Thank you also for the tip about Italy I have always wanted to go but there was always something that got in the way no one to go with, wrong time of year, money, being there for my uncle, or my mum. And now with the COVID its impossible for a while. So those videos will be perfect. My mum did go once now that I remember, I got her a ticket on ryanair to go to London to meet up with her sisters for her birthday one year and then as a surprise they both took her to trieste where their dad served as a royal signalsman in the war. The three of them had an amazing time and it was something she talked about often.
Take care Meebee
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Hi Bjane
Thank you for your reply. I wish I could say today is a better day - I was determined to try to be a bit better today but it didn’t work out that way. Why? Well, while I was having my breakfast, I watched a bit of morning tv. Funny, I had never bothered with that until Tony died. Too much to chat to him about- we chatted a lot and laughed a lot. Anyway, back to why it’s a bad day. On tv I saw an item about the fact that abuse in the home has increased since lockdown. Husbands who have been abusing their wives anyway have doubled their efforts in lockdown, presumably because they are with them more. Some of the stories were horrendous, poor things. (not just women, but mainly).
I thought about how my husband treated me, with total love, consideration, and respect and
I thought ‘these unspeakable bast…ds are still alive. My wonderful husband who would have died rather than hurt me isn’t. Where is the justice in that? ‘
And I think it was at that point, I lost my faith in God.
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Thank you Meebee. I always appreciate your support
Ann, I heard that on the radio, too.i started teaching in a really run down, deprived area and the things that were done to those children were unspeakable.You just couldn’t believe anyone would or could do such things, mainly the dads but some mums too. When lockdown happened I remember voicing my fears to my family, what ever was going to happen to those children with parents who didn’t know how to treat them under normal conditions . I really feared for them, there was so much uncontrolled violence in those homes. And now we’re finding out just what those people were capable of. I agree, there’s no justice when they are alive and able to treat people like that and we’ve lost our lovely kind protective husbands. But being bitter isn’t going to help us get over our loss and I think we need to try and stay positive for the sake of our lovely men and our own sanity… Hope things start to feel a bit better for you x
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