Lonliness and Support

Hey Bjane
. thinking of you. Sorry about your migraine I get them too. The stress of our grief doesn’t help. However have you tried eucalptus oil I put it on a cloth and breathe it in or I suck jackmanns black menthol sweets like they are going out of fashion. They do help a bit. Especially if you catch it at the right time savers also sells a cheap version of forehead. Drinking more water also helps with the symptoms I think. I know I feel the loss harder when my illness flares up because on one hand it reminds me that the person who loved me is gone and there is no one to check I am ok anymore. And when you are physically weak you get even more emotionally weak. Your Malcolm sounds like a total gentleman. What an everyday hero. ( I have a bit of an admiration for everyday hero our very own knights in shining armour) It is a really good memory to have (thank you for sharing it with us) and you will always have it and I like to think that when you think of the one you love and remember them then wherever they are, they know and they can still share it with you. I don’t actually know that for certain but I like to think so. Take care.

Helllo Meebee , you’re so right about it affecting you more when you feel
I’ll, I’ve been just the same today and yesterday, feeling awful and not having Malcolm to make me a cup of tea and generally make sure I’m ok. And so
missing having his arm around me , that quiet, caring reassuring way he had. I’ve spent most of the day crying, which I know is pathetic, but just couldn’t help myself, it’s sixteen weeks today since he died and today feels so much worse than before. Apologies for being such a miserable so and so, think it’s the headache, weather ,everything else that’s miserable at the moment. Can’t say this to anyone else for fear of upsetting them further so sorry to load it onto all of you. But I know you understand and can empathise and won’t be upset, Thank you for advice about eucalyptus oil, will try that. I do try to drink lots of water but nothing seemed to stop it this time, think the unbearable heat did it, mainly. . You’re right, Meebee, he was an everyday hero, an unsung one, always putting everyone else first and helping people wherever he could. I now realise how spoilt I was, he was so good to me just quietly doing things for me. often unnoticed. Look after yourself and keep posting. Hopefully I’ll be a bit more fit for purpose tomorrow! xxx

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Hi bjane, Hope you’re feeling better today. Migraines are dreadful. Take it easy. Rest and lots of fluids x I’m sort of ok. Worked my 4th shift yesterday. It’s all very surreal. I told my Counsellor that it’s like the whole world continues yet mine is forever changed - and I feel changed as well. She said that lots of people have this feeling. So glad I am having the counselling. It really helps to talk to Karen as she encourages me to remember all the good times and the happy memories. I hope your counselling is going well too x Some days off now so will catch up with friends. Kate is freaking out about her GCSEs next week, poor thing! How are you? Did your Planter survive the rain? The weather was wild here. The few flowers I had in the garden flew away in the storm! Has Marly arrived yet? Looking forward to hearing from you. Take care and have a lovely day. Rachel xxx

Hello Al, please join in - would love to hear from you. Have a lovely day! Rachel

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Hello Gilly, I am sorry to hear about your Husband. It’s so painful. Keep writing here xxx

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Hello Rachel, was worried about how your week was going, glad to hear you’re at least surviving, hope it’s not too awful. You’ll be exhausted too, as well as the stress of the job it’s the getting back into that work routine, getting up and organised that makes it so surreal after such a long time. My son found that when he returned from being furloughed and his job’s nothing like yours. It took him a few weeks to feel normal. I know what you mean about the world continuing and yours feeling like it’s stopped, I feel just the same. Almost like being an onlooker, not part of it anymore. But I’m glad your counselling is helping, they’re good at finding the positive and seem to help you see certain things more clearly… I hope Kate’s GCSEs are ok, it’s terrible what’s happened with the A levels, hope that’s not worrying her. Boris will have to do what Nicola Sturgeon did, the whole thing is so unfair. So glad you’ve got some days off, hope you have a lovely relaxing break. Lots of love and fingers crossed for Kate xxxx

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Silly, so sorry you lost your husband. I lost Malcolm in April too, St George’s Day, so we’re about the same way along this painful road. I know just how you feel, the sensation of being lost and alone and the emptiness of life. It’s so hard and the frustrating thing is there’s nothing we can do about it. I hope you have kind supportive people in your life who will help you through this minefield of grief and emotion. Keep posting, we all listen and understand.xxx

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Gilly, so sorry, just seen the Silly! Mine turned into Gobby the other day! I have a new phone and have nothing but trouble with it! x

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Hope your feeling beta soon moan as much as you want and need on here I do so I totally understand. it makes you feel better to unload somewhere and if you need to cry then cry. We all have those days. I know for me it hasnt hit me in some ways. That is with my mum I know I did some crying but at the same time I put some of it on hold. So I guess its going to hit me later. Probably on an aniversary like her birthday or xmas . I worry about the first time I have to go to the crematorium for someone else when things have opened up again. I don’t know how I will cope with that but its for another day. Just now know I am thinking of you.

Hi RCB, have been wondering how you have been doing. Glad the counselling is doing you some good. I am on a waiting list. You definitely need to catch up with your friends after working so hard. I too felt like that when my dad died. About the whole world moving on it was like I could almost feel time and everything was the same and everything was forever changed. I didn’t feel it so much like that this time but I think that was due to the COVID and that the whole world had changed. Although as things go back to normal I think things are starting to hit me more as I see other mothers and daughters together etc.
Bjane I too was wondering about Marly and if you have him yet and if he is settling in ok. you do seem to have had quite a wait for him. Take care to you both.

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Hello Meebee, thank you for letting me moan! Am feeling much better today, thank you. headache gone and the blues with it! Yes I have my lovely little Marly. He’s a rescue cat and had been very badly treated so is very nervous at the moment, He disappeared the first night! He’s now found a safe place on a chair tucked under the dining table and comes out to eat and sit on my knee for a while. Just letting him settle at his own pace, will try to send a photo in a couple of days . Have you got anywhere with a dog? Animals are such a comfort, especially at this time.I know what you mean about putting some of your grief on hold, I think it’s because it’s just too painful
to accept all ar once so we kind of shelve it a bit. I know I do that. Yes anniversaries are heartbreaking and I don’t know how any of us is going to get through Christmas, it’s never going to be the same but the first one will be the worst. I get upset seeing couples happy and chatting and holding hands and I’m sure you’ll be the same seeing mothers and daughters together. We’re so lucky to all have each other to help us get through this. Take care and night night xxxx

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If you can’t have a moan to us who can you moan to.
However you have made me smile. It’s the Water Melon story. We spent a great deal of time in Greece. Found an Island that had all we wanted. Lovely walks and mountains to climb and the biggest water melons I had ever seen. Locals carted them home in wheelbarrows. So was your Marcolm a 7ft Weightlifter to be able to carry one.
Agree wholeheartedly about animals being a great comfort.
Thanks for the rain by the way. We receiving some yesterday, which soaked me as I was out walking with the dogs and again some drizzle today. Now you can keep it up north.
Pat xx

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Thank you for tolerating my moaning Pat, I don’t know why I felt so sad, keep expecting to be going in the other direction . And thank you for offering the rain back but I really would like you to keep it a little longer, it would give me such pleasure!:joy: Sorry you got soaked though, typical northern practical joke!!! The watermelon was funny, I can still see Malcolm’s face when it was handed to him! If only we’d had a convenient wheelbarrow handy! Greece is lovely isn’t it, and the Greeks so friendly and kind.(apart from the watermelon!!) Don’t think I’ll ever venture there again, butbI suppose you never know. Wishing you a dry, weather wise, weekend xx

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Hi bjane, thank you for your lovely message , yes fingers crossed for Kate x How are you feeling? Have you recovered from your migraine? Hope you’re feeling better… Hurrah that Marly is with you. That’s so lovely and I’m glad he’s settling in. Timmy (my cat) bit me this morning. Cheeky thing! So now he’s sitting out there on the lawn. He’s a bit grumpy as I’ve had to ration the cat biscuits as his Mum eats them all! Had a quiet weekend. Feeling a bit sad - different memories surfacing and missing my Dad. Got the sewing machine out and took up some jeans and going to start a crochet project, I think. Making things helps me to live more in the moment. Did you do anything lovely this weekend? Love & hugs to you and Marly xxx

Hello Meebee, I tried writing to you on Friday and the message wouldn’t send… How are you? I hope you’re ok. Really glad to hear that you are on a waiting list for counselling. Fingers crossed, you get a counsellor soon. I am finding counselling really helpful. I really like to talk about my Dad and it’s so nice to be able to do so without being worried about upsetting someone or talking too much about it all and getting on someone’s nerves! … You’re so right, the world is massively changed by covid. All the rituals are changed when you’re grieving - no hugs, no meeting friends, strange funerals with only a few people there to celebrate someone’s life. All strange and weird… I’m glad that Lockdown has been lifted a little but my job means I can never get away from covid… Anymore thoughts about getting a pet? My naughty cat bit me this morning but don’t let that put you off! He’s usually a darling but hungry and grumpy today! Anyway, take care and look after yourself. Rachel xxx

Hello Rachel, hope you’re feeling okay on this miserable wet, in Yorkshire anyway, Sunday. Think Sunday’s can be miserable enough without the addition of horrible weather! Thank you, my migraine’s completely gone, that awful oppressive heat was making it worse. Naughty cat!!:joy::joy:Perhaps the weather affects them too, Marley spat at me today! He’d just woken up on my knee and I think he didn’t know where he was for a moment. He’s usually very purry!! We’ve been to Morrisons for half price breakfast today, it was really nice. Three cooked breakfast and six cups of coffee for under £10 ! That really appealed to Jonjo, a true Northerner like his Dad!! Talking of Dads, do you find that counselling although very helpful, makes you get a bit upset afterwards, as if talking about our loved ones makes us look backwards a bit and brings a lot of the pain back? Maybe it’s just me but I felt like that yesterday and today… At least you’re having a bit of a break.even if the weather isn’t too good. It’s good that you’re doing something creative, I’m working up to it, used to love seeing, crochet, knitting etc but haven’t felt any incentive up til now. I have some lovely Pucci fabric I got in Italy years ago and couldn’t ever decide what to make with it.Just took it out every now and then and looked at it then put it back! But I think I’ll actually make it into a plain shift, which is what I think it needs , it’s so vibrant. We’d had a lovely time in Italy, travelling by sleeper from France, for the wedding of friend’s son. It was idyllic! Happy memories but sad now, too. Let’s hope the weather lifts and we all feel better next week! Think I might go to the hairdressers to cheer myself up!! Lots of love xxxx

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Ann, are you okay? Haven’t posted for a bit , the more the merrier! Well, not that we’re any of us merry on here but you know what I mean. It’s lovely to hear from everybody and besides, Al likes to read what we’re up to! And Pat, something to make you smile- did you see the picture of that naked German sunbather who had his lap top in a carrier bag with him on the beach. Why would you do that?? !!! Anyway a wild boar came capering up, snaffled the bag and scuttled off with it into nearby woods! The naked gentleman gave chase and retrieved his laptop! So funny and there’s a good picture of it if you google it!! Gave me a much needed laugh today! Maybe we should start a thread entitled “Raise a Smile’ and look for things to cheer us up! Love to all xxx

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Yes I’m still keeping up with you all. Naked German sunbathers and wild boars? Now I’m beginning to understand your sense of humour! We need a smile now and then despite everything. :slightly_smiling_face: :heart:

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We have a humour thread if you want to post daft and funny things, we all need to laugh sometimes don’t we :grin: I am away to Google naked German sunbathers now :eyes:

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Hello bjane. I have been posting a bit but not on this particular thread. I still find it hard to navigate this site. Thank you for checking on me. I didn’t have a brilliant day today - you know how it goes. I dished up beans on toast for my lunch and that started me off when I realised that half the tin (plus a bit more!) should have been Tony’s.
Anyway, on a lighter note, our harbour has been found to have Ecoli in the water. (Yuk!) I sent a text to my daughters and husbands to warn them and the elder one replied “Oh no! We are just standing on the end of the pier! Better make sue we don’t fall in!” First time I have laughed for a while, but it struck me as funny.

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