You really have been through the wringer with your situation and your daughters.It is such a hard situation to bear for both of you. You have been through so much. I really think you are amazing. I am so glad that the counselling is going well. You are such a strong kind and supportive person. I am sending you a mega virtual hug. I am sure your dad was listening to you. When you are ready why don’t you find out about the gadget maybe someone at your local engineering college could tell you about it. You could email someone with a photo of your gadget and then you would know what your dad used it for. Maybe there were other reasons that it meant so much to him. Maybe because it became a sort of talisman to him, maybe he cherished it because of who gave it to him. Either way keeping beside you is a lovely way to have a link to your dad. like a piece of him is with you. Its not crazy its special. And the thing about the Mac is charming, I totally understand the need to be near special possessions of the one you loved. Keeping a piece of them with you. bless your socks. I am thinking of you.
How thoughtful of your son and other people. It makes such a difference when others remember. I was so grateful a cousins wife had remembered my dads birthday and sent me a wee text. I know what you mean about seeing other people out and about and how it brings things home. It is hard. Thinking of you.
Glad you had a nice time with your daughters. It is so important as you rightly realise to make memories with the ones you love. Your NHS councillor sounds bad. Sorry its belated but the tree ceremony sounded a lovely idea glad your daughter is going with you. It will be ok to cry you will have your daughter there and it feels better to cry with others who feel the same and you have each other to lean on. Will definately say a wee prayer for you going back to work but you are such an amazing person and you are stronger than you know. Thinking of you. Btw I also have a soft spot for yorkshire having spent a few wee hols there when I was younger.
So sad that so many were lost but it sounds like it was a lovely service. The white balloons was such a lovely gesture it sounds like it was well organised. Your daughters sound lovely and wonderful people they must take after their mum. Glad you have had lots of support. Thinking of you.
hi bjane
I too have been up late sleep is so difficult right now. please post a wee picture of Marly when you get him . love to see a wee pic. I hope that he will bring a small bit of much needed joy and comfort into your life just now. Take care thinking of you.
Good morning Meebee, what night owls and early birds we are! Hope you’re feeling okay today, glad you’re thinking about a pet, a loving animal will surely stop that lonely empty house feeling. Difficult though with COVID, it’s made everything a million times harder hasn’t it? Thinking of you today and hoping you find some peace- will you have a quick power nap today, don’t think we’ve had much sleep between us , have we?! Sending love x
Thank you bjane
actually am on here cause I was upset and finding things a bit difficult. Yes I know about empty house feeling have a few housing problems which I am focusing on and then I will get a pet. I don’t know about COVID while it has certainly made somethings harder like sorting things out. Its the coming out of lockdown I am finding difficult as more people are going out and about with friends and family and I have no one to do that with anymore. Although somedays I cant cope with that. Thank you for your kind thoughts. This site and the people on it really make a difference. I am going to get some counselling I think as per you and RCB’s advice. Thank you so much for your kindness. Thinking of you too.
And Meebee the Sue Ryder counselling is free, you can have six sessions, my first one has really helped already. There’s a bit of a waiting time not not much, mine came round very quickly, it’s worth signing up and I’m sure it would help you. It’s really cathartic to be able to pour everything out to a qualified person who can help you find your way through.Glad you have a soft spot for Yorkshire, I came here from Warwickshire at 18, to college, and have sort of adopted it! And Malcolm
was Yorkshire through and through, born on Ilkley moor. Where did you have holidays? Have a good day x
Sending support and love, Rachel, not to mention one of those little prayers! Hope you do something nice this morning with your daughter, will
be thinking of you this afternoon. I know you’ll make your Dad proud , bravely going back to that amazing job you do. COVID has at least made people realise how lucky we all are to have wonderful caring people like you , putting everybody first so selflessly. Hope the meeting goes okay and they behave themselves ! And then do what you do best . Let me know how you get on if you’re not too exhausted tonight. Sending hugs and lots of lovexxxx
Dear Bjane,
Thank you for your message about the shepardess and Yorkshire Farm. Its sounds interesting and something I would enjoy but I don’t own a tv. I know werid right. I might try and look out for it on youtube though. I catch up with a few interesting programs there. I don’t like lying in real life but I find the programme would I lie to you with lee mack and david mitchell very funny at times , Sometimes tv shows can take us out of our sitution for a bit . I am so upset right now but I have put a christmas episode of mrs browns boys on my computer which has given me a smile even in the darkest times there is room for joy. I got that quote from a tv show too. It was on Castle and I kind of hold onto it as hope… Get what you say about people telling you to keep your chin up sometimes it isn’t easy and I know they mean well but yeah definately if only. take care of yourself. I am looking forward to you getting marly. I think I would like to be able to borrow a dog I would be happy to walk someone elses for a bit while I am walking anyway. it would be something furry to cuddle while I cant have one of my own yet. I just don’t know anyone that would let me walk their dog. Take care of yourself, thinking of you.
Yes, like that quote about finding room for joy, we can aim for that can’t we. Even if we can’t find it at the moment. I love would I lie to you too, Lee Mack is so funny isn’t he and the rapport between him and David Mitchell is so good. Have you seen it when David’s wife has been one of the guests? I’ve just recently been reading about being able to foster a dog when they need a short term home for various reasons. Maybe that would be a good solution for you at the moment. I will look for the article and post the details. Then you’d be getting a furry friend and doing good too. Win win! Take care and remember you’re not alonexx
Hi bjane, thank you so much for all the kind words and support. It really really helps x Well, I did it. Had some time with Kate and then I nearly cried as she waved me off at the front door, telling me I could do it! I was very nervous but no one swamped me or asked outright about Dad - they were all super lovely and I had a couple of hugs - not allowed, so we all hid in the kitchen! It was lovely to see them all. I didn’t deal with any patients - just lots of IT and covid risk assessment forms. I am scared of nursing the covid patients and trying to remember everything - but, as we know, one day at a time. The Meeting with my Manager was fine but HR still to go - but she says it will be ok and not to worry. To be honest, I’ve been through so much that I’m starting to realise you should only worry about the important things, easier said than done, I know! x The Planter sounds lovely. Love flowers. At the hospital, we have a beautiful garden, managed by FAB volunteers. It’s full of roses - divine… So glad that Marly will be arriving soon. How exciting! I don’t know how you would do it but it would be so lovely to see a photo of him x As always, thank you for being such a lovely support to me and encouraging me. Have a blessed day. Lots of Love, Rachel xxxxx
Hi Meebee, thank you for your message. It was lovely and sad. It was a bit painful letting go of the balloon but it felt like all the residents were free as the balloons flew off into the sky. There was a sense of some kind of closure. It was lovely to see the carers, they are just amazing, so full of love x Glad to hear that you are thinking of getting a pet. Lots of my friends with dogs, have made so many friendships through walking their pets. Good Luck - hope you find a lovely furry friend x Good Luck with the counselling too. For me. it’s a Godsend, the chance to speak freely with someone not connected. I would so recommend it… Have a lovely day and look after yourself xxx
Hello Rachel, so glad you made it. Knew you would!! I’ve got a Kate, too, aren’t we luckyI was thinking about you today and sending positive vibes and that little prayer your way, hoping you wouldn’t be overwhelmed an people would be kind to you. Sounds like they were, thank goodness,or I would’ve had to go round there with a Les Dawson Rolling pin!! Had a lovely experience today after frequently moaning on here that I’d love a sign from Malcolm a butterfly flew into through the bedroom window this morning and I went to try and let it out. It flew to me, rested right on my heart for a far seconds then flew straight out of the window as if it knew its way. Such a lovely feeling! It’s 15 weeks to the day since Malcolm died and it was in the morning too. Hope you have another good day tomorrow. sending lots of love and a big hugxxc
Hi bjane, awhh thank you x Everyone was super lovely and I didn’t cry. No one overwhelmed me or asked “those questions”. I’m so glad this week is behind me, There’s so much I’ve forgotten but just going to go one day at a time. Anything can happen now as I know I can call upon you with that Les Dawson Rolling Pin! Just hilarious! Maybe you could pop round and see Boris and persuade him to give Nurses a pay rise!!! x How lovely you have a Kate too! My other daughter is called Faith… How lovely to be visited by a butterfly. A special moment, definitely. I’ve heard of other people bereaved who are visited by butterflies. That’s such a lovely thing to happen for you today x It was 15 weeks yesterday that my Dad died - how have we managed to exist through this time - but we have, Well done us x Weekend off now. Hope the weather is gorgeous where you are and you have a lovely time with your family. Love and Hugs, Rachel xxx
Hello Rachel so glad you’ve been okay today and got that dreaded first week behind you. Of course you’ll have forgotten stuff, you’ve been away from it for so long and you’ve had so much trauma to deal with and live through. Work’s hardly been top of your list but it’ll all come back once you’ve settled back into it again. I’m glad I shan’t have to come down there with that rolling pin, sounds like they’re behaving so far!! As far as Boris is concerned I’d want something a bit more heavy duty for him, to knock a bit of sense in! If he hasn’t realised by now that all you amazing nurses deserve a massive pay rise, not a ridiculous medal, he really is wrong in the head! I’ll have to sort him out! Yes, we’ve done well to have struggled through 15 weeks haven’t we, keeping in touch with you has really helped. I keep expecting we’ll get a message telling us we’ve gone off topic but I don’t know how to do that private messaging. Malcolm would, of course!! A friend phoned from Germany today , inviting me over once we can travel safely but I’ve never travelled on my own and don’t know if I could be brave enough to fly Maybe one day!! Just seen on the news our lockdown will not be eased yet, oh joy!! Have a well deserved rest and enjoy a lovely weekend, the weather looks good. Lots of love xxxx