Hello Pat, Brian sounds like Malcolm, never showed me how things worked, he really enjoy any technical! The tv was a mystery to me apart from on/ off and channels but I’m working on it! Yes they probably would be laughing at us , or maybe with??! Malcolm was kinder than me, I’m the one who laughs at people falling over, not hurting themselves, just looking funny, but Malcolm never did, he was always concerned that they were hurt. But I still would like to think he’s having a laugh somewhere! Sending a big hug x
So much kindness and selflesness here, sad to think iyt’s taken this event to make us reach out. Before she passed i never felt the need to talk to people - even old friends - since then, I’ve been desperate to find some understanding or reason why. But there isn’t, as Bjane said, the worst has already happened.
I was always an agnostic, but now I’m sure that there’s something else. People as wonderful as those we love can’t just cease, become nothing. And I don’t feel uncomfortable or nervous in th house. And I write to her every day in my journal, and I wouldn’t be doing that unless she could read it.
Take care all
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Dave I think the same, our wonderful people can’t just cease, become nothing. You write your journal and believe she reads it and I talk to Malcolm , believing he hears me. They have to be around,they were so much a part of us and our lives, they will always be there , a lovely warm presence. Hope you find all the support you need on this site , as you said, so much kindness . Look after yourself.x
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Hi there Dave
I never gave this subject a thought before I lost Brian but now convinced that he is still around. I must admit I do look for signs and when they come I feel his presence with them.
We was keen walkers and loved everything to do with nature and Brian said he would come back with wings as he would have loved to be able to fly. Many times he has appeared and this morning as I was walking a beautiful butterfly hit me on the side of my face, circled me and then flew beside me as I walked. I have also had bees hit my face and circle my head. It’s him alright.
You take care and keep writing to her.
xx
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Hi Pat, & John
beautiful examples of universal energy and love, as you both are probably aware, I have been aware of spirit from a very early age, recently discovered that my mum was also, her beliefs were suppressed by my gran, as was all those years ago sorry digressing, what I really wanted to say was that our loved ones in the spirit world do try to communicate with us, very subtly usually, Falling photos Pat? Brian really wanted to grab your attention. these signs happen when we’re not looking for them, yet happen when we really need comfort of some form. i agree, nit everyone believes in spirit, and agree many are unsettled by it, yet the signs are there if we want to see them. since Alan passed May 19th 2018, 38 hours after i was told he’d got cancer, (no symptoms, no prolonged illnesses nothing like that, not even a doctor’s visit in over 40 years, ), for him I was glad, for me, I was devastated. over the past 2years i have had many signs that he is still close by, some have been very very subtle, some have been ‘Wham, you will notice’ , appearing in my line of vision when least expected.
we are all different , we all grieve in different ways, our coping mechanism is what is right for us as individuals, and what comforts one can cause distress to another. Love never dies, we hold on to that love forever, we do have to find a way that is best for us to begin to live a different life, I still have my tearful moments, memories that surface from time to time can reduce me to shedding buckets of tears other memories help to make me feel warm with love, no one can take our memories, yet how we cope when they surface is again personal to each of us.
we don’t ‘get over’ our grief, we learn to live with it, the path we all travel, whilst having the same destination, we all travel it at our own pace and in our own way.
in no way do i wish to upset anyone, we all are coping as best we can and in our own way. their is no time limit on grief, it lasts for however long it does, there are no quick fixes either, we have to go through it and in our own way. anyone can tell us ‘you should be over it by now’ in my case, 4 months after losing Alan, one of his cousins phoned about some family photos, her first two sentences were ’ are you over ‘it’ now ’ and ‘was I better’. we don’t have an illness to get better from, we learn to cope better.
this was meant to be a short reply, sorry, joining the ramblings again
hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today
blessings
Jen🦋
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Hi. Dave. An agnostic has an open view, an atheist has none. In my view the atheist is not much different to a priest. Both are entrenched in their own views and are blinkered. They only see what is in front of them. An open mind in an intelligent person can receive new information, asses it and decide for themselves if it’s true. They can discard it if not. None of this can be based on the material because it is not material. A thought in your mind, an emotion, is not material.
Yes, why does it take such extreme trauma before we can be kind and understanding to one another? Reaching out on here has shown me the good side of humanity. It comes through in every post.
Take care and keep writing. She can still read you know.
Thank you Jonathon, you make a very good point, she still read (better improve my handwriting), and of course I talk to her all the time.
People can have their own views, and I also envied those who belived and were certain that there’s more to come, that it isn’t the end. Now I can see the same, logically, how could that person we love and like and did so much for us, how could that - whatever it is -how could that just be discarded, wasted? That doesn’t make sense
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I hope the above doesn’t offend those who have a faith, it’s not intended to. i would hope that having a strong faith may provide some comfort to you at this time - we could all use something to help with the pain
D
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As if anyone would ask if you’re “better” or “over it’ after four months. I don’t think anyone has any idea unless they’ve been through the devastation of losing a partner. Everything changes in the blink of an eye
and nothing can ever be the same again, it feels like you’ve lost your whole life. I don’t think I was a very good friend to friends who had lost their partners, I really hadn’t a clue. Only now can I understand what a different kind of grief this js, how inconsolable and lost you become, lonely and hopeless. And really there are no words, nothing would be right. We just need to talk and be listened to, the best thing anyone could do for us. Have a good day tomorrow x
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Just want to add — I have been told these things too - I know people mean well in their attempts to comfort me. That’s fine but what gets me is the remark “you seem to be taking the loss of your wife so well” I want to tell them, on the surface it looks like I am doing OK, but truth be told, I’m falling apart inside. I miss her, but I can handle the encouragement - don’t want to offend anyone.
No bjane. There are no words that can adequately cover such a loss. I often wake up after 20 months, and having had a dream I think ‘I must tell my wife about that’, then it hits me and it takes time to rally my thoughts. Some say you never get over it but learn to live with it. And they are right. There is no way I know of to stop such things happening. Acceptance is the real answer. Difficult, but it can be done. I expect such thoughts to happen and accept they will. It no longer upsets me as it did, but it still hurts. Take care. John.
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Yes Jonathan I do believe we never get over it but learn to live with it . Because learn we must, there is no other option. After 4 months I think I’m coming round to the acceptance bit, most of the time. But there are still days when I wake up in an empty bed and think he’s downstairs making me my early morning tea, like he always did. Or I look through into the study expecting, just for a second, to see him sitting in front of his computer… And there’s always something we want to tell them or show them isn’t there. Just too sad, Chin up lad, as my friend said to me. Well, it was last of course but same thing!! x
Greencat, if only they knew what an effort it is to face the world and smile, laugh even when communicating with other people. They don’t see us breaking our hearts behind closed doors before we can rally again.x
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What I miss most is the chink of tea cups and the kettle boiling in the morning. My wife loved her cuppa. As you so rightly say, learn we must for what’s the alternative. Whatever years we have left we should try to make the most of. Our loved ones would have wanted that. Thanks for the ‘chin up’. It’s what my old gran used to say. She was 101 when she died and brought up 6 kids through two world wars. The secret? I don’t know, but I do know she had a deep and abiding faith, although she was not a churchgoer. When my grandfather died she just sighed and said ‘Oh well, he has gone to his heavenly home’. I believe that ‘heavenly home’ awaits us all. Take care. John.
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Bless your old Gran, Jonathan!! A lovely thought of hers, I’m hovering on the fence , although a dear friend says she prays for me every day which I find comforting, believer or not! x
Hi Jen
Lovely to hear from you. Your not rambling, you make perfect sense to me. Your so correct these signs do happen and they bring me comfort and never fear.
Pat
xxxx
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You will have to make sure you fall on the right side of the fence. we will all see that you do. Bless you. John.
Thank you, I often think of the song "Smile’ By Nat King Cole at times like this.
Greencat
It was posted on the Songs thread Greencat, only the other day. Take a listen 
xx
Thank you Jonathan, always so wise and kind x