I have my husband’s ashes in my living room and I talk to him and kiss his photo over and over and I’ve convinced myself he’s somehow here with me. Home is my safe place and when I’m out I just want to get back. My sister has come to stay for a week and she is also widowed so understands everything I’m experiencing. Her patience and wisdom is a great help at the moment. Hugs to you all X
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Hello Frankie
I too have my husband’s ashes in our living room
And I have three wax pillar candles around them they are always lit.
He did say when we discussed all this stuff quite a while ago and made light of it never believing it would actually ever happen.
He said scatter me in our back garden then changed his mind and said put me in a varse on the mantelpiece. So I will always be in my home.
I bought a lovely carved wooden box and it is on our lovely hearth.
I get a lot of comfort from that and talk away to him all day .
I also look at his chair in the corner he always sat there and my eyes are constantly drawn to it as I can actually see him there
I was resting on the sofa a couple of weeks ago and as I opened my eyes I saw him sitting in the chair he got up really quickly and and moved across the room and just disappeared.
I know this was not my imagination.
I can absolutely say I feel his presence.
I wonder if any one else has had this sort of experience.
I hope when your sister comes to stay you both manage to have as nice a time as is possible
and bring comfort to you both.
Always love and comfort to all.
Doreenx
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Hello Dilly, I was on almost the same situation as you. My partner Janet of 32 years passed away 7 months ago of secondary breast cancer. I managed to look after her at home for the last month’s.
When she died holding my hand, suddenly the strong reliable man I was disappeared. I was totally lost and empty. Like you I felt like an empty shell. I avoided going in the same shops we used to incase anyone recognised me and asked how Jan was.
I’d just break down on tears
All I can say 7months on your brain learns how to cope. You focus on good times not the illness and death.
Eventually hopefully you’ll find something to give you some purpose.
I have a little dog. She got me up on the morning and greets me. Lost 2.5 at walking her people stop and pet her and chat to me. I’m never alone with her we go everywhere as I have a motorhome and campervan.
Take care keep going ,we owe it to our partners. Pete
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Pete,
Empty shell you got it in one.
That’s me without her.
Lost and bewildered
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Hi
My husband is terminally ill so maybe im here too soon but i wanted to be with people who know what i am going through and also how they are coping. Im sorry to hear about your wife and know a little about how you are feeling although not fully. I guess for me im hoping to gets hints of how others are coping. I wish you well. They say time heals. I hope it does
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Hi, I’m new to the group. Sadly my husband passed away 8 weeks ago after a long and courageous battle with cancer.
We also were married for 50 years and together for 54 years; meeting when I was 16.
Everyone says I’m doing really well, as I’m going to the gym, cycling and meeting friends; but they don’t know the struggle I have to get out of bed each morning or the amount of tears I shed.
I agree with others of you that it’s one day at a time and be kind to yourself too.
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Hello there! And welcome!
It’s all we can do, put one foot in front of the other and get through the next day, or hour.
I often wonder if other people have any clue exactly what we are going through. Some women friends seem to be on-guard of their husbands, as if they view a widowed friend as a threat. Other people act like bereavement is catching and avoid us like the plague. Then there are the ones that can’t bear our sadness because it reminds them of their own mortality.
Some say how brave we are. We are not brave, We didn’t volunteer for this. We didn’t get a choice. We just have to suck it up. Sink or swim.
Well done for keeping on keeping on. Every day endured is a triumph.
Xx
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Hello willow
I agree with you.
We are not brave I didn’t want this and although
We all know what the end result is going to be for everyone in the end we never ever ever believe it will end in this way.
My comfort is my Sam will never have to go through this and thank god for that
He was a strong authoritative good kind and generous loving man.
Where I was concerned he was my rock and he loved me he said every day to the moon and back.
He was an emotional man and said he could never cope with out me and I absolutely know that.
I have found out also the friends and family and neighbours who avoid me , those that offer help and then disappear, and those often not that close call and visit me phone me text me
I know every one has their own lives lucky them.
As you said can they not realise how truly terrible this is.
Well they will one day.
I dread each day but I get through it.
I wish every one on this site much love and comfort.Doreen
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Morning willow hopevyou are keeping well and your daughter too. You aint wrong about ppl one of my neighbours husband who I have known years give me a hug. Well all I can say if looks could kill i wouldnt be here. I have no intrest in her husband or anyone elses for that matter. Likewise I take one hr one day at a time, alot are more difficult then others but i do try. Hugs Jo xxx
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Morning Doreen We always told each other how much we loved each other every day. I miss his positivity every day he was so strong and fought so hard to stay with me.
I am so surprised at ppls reaction to us . This wasn’t any of us wanted, and like you say one day this will be there reality. But until then there lives go on. Hugs jo xxx
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I can not understand why some people appear to think if you are a widow or widower you would be looking for a partner.
From my perspective, this is not going to happen in the short or medium term, as I assume the same will be for most people in our situation the fact of our loss would prevent such occurring.
All I want to do is get through each day and feel ok with minimal upsetting events taking place the last thing I can think about is other relationships makes me feel sick the thought of it.
We were happy together and that’s where my mind needs to adjust to now it’s just lonely and upset me. Which will take years to accept and be in a more comfortable place.
The last thing on my mind would be any new relationship
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Your story could have been mine . My wonderful, caring, funny husband died 5 weeks ago. No illness, no symptoms. He walked up the drive, kissed me said “I love you “ and I never saw him again!! He had a sudden heart attack. We were soulmates . Second marriages, together 48 years. I am in a daze and I really don’t want to be here x
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Awww bless you I lost my husband 10 weeks today, its so hard lonely devastating and a all lot more. Sometimes I think I am getting better then the reality hits and I am back to the beginning. Hugs Jo xxx
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Hi Jo,
That’s exactly the same for me I have a ok day, which means I’m not constantly upset then I have real bad days of been unable to control my emotions.
Don’t know why really it’s not like I have been thinking things that set me off.
In reality I suppose this is just grief.
over the past week I have had the best and worst days since I lost the love of my life.
I just hope I can eventually get some control back, but does that mean I love her less? Or at that stage am I just coming to terms with my loss.
Hiya Steve like yourself I have good bits of the day especially if I have company, then comes the tears I think its just the way grief goes. You will never forget her she lives within your heart. And no matter where our remainder of our life takes us they will travel the journey within us always. Hugs Jo xxx
I find when I am out either walking or shopping some ppl who once spoke to me now actively avoid me.
It may be as I talk to them I always mention my wife and how much I miss her and they don’t want to hear it but I’d does help me.
So I will go on talking about my wife and my loss as long as I want to.
They will either just have to listen or ignore me, either way I don’t give a Sh1t.
And as we all know one day this will happen to one of them and at that stage they will realise the true pain and suffering that comes with death, i ad I hope for there sake ppl listen to there pain and don’t avoid them.
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Likewise Steve I talk of my husband all the time ppl can either ignore me or fet use to the idea. There lifes havent stopped our have. Like you say one day this will be there reality its the cost of loving someone. And for all the pain this is I would do it all again in a heartbeat if I could have Gra back. Xxx
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Hi Steve Doreen here,
I agree with all you have said.
I also have noticed some people just would rather not have me talk about my husband like he never existed.
Some people have also said when I say I don’t think I can go on like this on my own it’s just to terrible.
Well you never know what’s around the corner you might meet someone !!!
If that is meant to be a comfort and make every thing ok again how wrong they are.
We are a second marriage and I would give anything to do it all again.
I am so sad and just miss him so much I actually ache.
I talk to him all the time and look at his armchair
hope I have had a terrible nightmare and we will have a coffee.
Another Sunday long long long.
I have a friend coming for lunch tomorrow so I am really looking forward to that.
I send all my comfort to us all thinking of us all.
Doreen
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Hi Doreen
Well the were correct with you never know what is round the corner in a different sense though.
I was sitting in the garden with my wife in June and she said I am just going in to watch some real telly before the stupid football I helped her out or the chair as they are low , I said take care over the step took 2 steps collapsed c arrest, gone in less than a min.
The only slight consolation I can have is no pain and suffering, we are on holiday in Sorrento two weeks before, no sign of heart issues.
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Hello I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your husband and really shocking for you.
The only comfort I guess he told you he loved you and kissed you.
My husbands last words to me were I love you me darlin good night.
I savour that as I replied to him I love you Sam he knew it as I also knew it.
I know 43 years were filled with love and passion and deep commitment to each other.
I am so so happy that we had that life together
now its gone it’s so terrible and really hard to bare.
As every one says one day at a time and I wonder why what is going to happen then??
I wish you comfort and I am thinking of you