Yeh lets hope the better weather helps for sure ??? I hope so … i just want to be a bit happy … that’s all i want x
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@ debs I worked a lot last week and had novovirus on my day off ! I am enjoying treating myself with some new clothes this week for my dublin trip . It will be a change . We have to try don’t we
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Hi @Sable thanks for getting in touch. I’m back at work full time which gives me a purpose and focus each day. Coming home to an empty house makes my heart sink. I feel lost and alone despite having family and friends nearby. Im finding I’m struggling more now with grief than I was to begin with when I lost Alison. I sit and wonder where she is and desperately want to know if she is safe and okay. I want to know was she in pain and was she aware of the heart attack and it pains me that I will never know. I’m 4 sessions in to grief counselling which helps I guess. How are you doing?
So pleased you are feeling a bit better. I managed to find a flexible job as a school exam invigilator. I start in May, it fits in with family visits and you pick when you are available to work.
Thanks Sable, I have been not in my self lately, had Dave’s birthday on 14th this month, I got his favourite cake, birthday card and celebrated just 2 of us, he cut the cake and we sang.
After that night I cried a lot, since then feels so lonely and like whole world is against me, I feel like a stranger now.
As Stuandali said, I feel like my grief is getting stronger as time passing.
I had a wonderful dream when he came to see me with his childhood friend who actually passed away 4 years ago, Dave looked very young and healthy, gave me a big hug! That makes me feel he is well and in peace wherever he is.
I’m going to work from 3rd April as a phase return but I’m daring to go back.
Good to hear from you guys, hope everyone is well.
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So sorry for your loss,i lost my husband 2 months ago,so i know how you feel , I do not think you are being silly I still miss my husband and talk to him sometimes as if he is still with me ,We were together 25 years and done everything together,Grief is not nice is it ,just take one day at a time ,try and take care of yourself.If you can ask for help. Give yourself time . Take care.
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@AKM @Stuandali … I’m fine…ish. iv had afew ok weeks but been a little tearful this past week. Iv been trying to keep busy doing gardening and jet hosing the patio that was normally Jimmy’s job! I started to sort his garage out a bit too but found that a little too hard… he’s so many tools, i don’t want to part with them yet!
My little cat who’s been my saviour is now so old, 17… and this week iv really noticed a difference in her, i think she’s losing her sight as well as going deaf and a little senile so that’s worrying me too as I’ll be completely lost without her.
Ihave been out a couple of times but find social gatherings a bit hard and very lonely knowing Jimmy’s not there… plus iv noticed people don’t know what to say to me!.. iv even gone and got a takeout sunday roast and had a wine while waiting for it… on my own like billy no mates!.. I’m just managing the best i can…i talk to Jimmy all the time and just hope he’s with me…somewhere 
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@Sable I feel your pain. I just can’t contemplate the thought of doing anything with Alison’s things. Be it clothes, jewellery, make up etc. I’ve had two meals out with my closest friends where the company has given me a lift. They all knew Alison very well and understand my pain. I meet some of them and just walk and talk too. I have a cushion with Alison’s photo on in our bed which I cuddle and hold and talk to every morning and night. I tell her what I’ve been doing all the time. I also have her ashes in a beautiful urn in the living room with a T light which I light every evening. I have a picture of her above it which I talk to all the time too. x Take care everyone.
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Hi Sable he is with you, keep talking to him, that will keep your connection going, he is around you.
Sorry about your cat, get her to see Vet.
Like you said, it’s not that people not aware of your pain but sometimes they don’t know how to communicate with a person. I’m facing the same problem here, so try to spend most of my time with Dave, I know he is the only one can understand my pain, in fact spending time and talking to him makes me feel his love all around me.
So keep going and look after yourself.
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@Stuandali my husband died of a massive heart attack and I got some comfort when a medium fetched him to me . He said he was ok but missing me . And all the things he would say in life . It’s not for everyone but it helped me
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@Jol …omg, I’ve been to asmall spiritual church in Windsor a few times now and twice Jimmy has come through! The first time was only 2 weeks after his funeral and what she told me was unbelievable! No one would have known the things she said so there’s definitely something in it. It brought me so much comfort to know he was still with me…somewhere. I’ll probably go again this evening… just to get out the house for a couple of hours as well. I often wear something of his too when i go in the hope it helps!
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@Sable that’s so good I am so pleased you have such contact and comfort . I try the spiritualist church too but no one has come to me there yet . I am seeing my best one in a large place soon but I must see her again this year on a one to one again . I need more of him
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Hope you all well, just sharing this with you it appeared on Dave’s facebook page yesterday.
MISSING YOU
I stood by your bed last night; I came to have a peep. I could see that you were crying you found it hard to sleep.
I spoke to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
“It’s me, I haven’t left you, l’m well, l’m fine, l’m here.” I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea, You were thinking of the many things and memories of me.
I was with you at the shops today; your arms were getting sore. Tonged to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today; you tend it with such care. I want to re-assure you, that I’m not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key. I gently put my hand on you; I smiled and said, “it’s me.” You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there. It’s possible for me, to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, “I never went away.”
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew… in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over… I smile and watch you yawning and say “good-night, God bless, 'll see you in the morning.” And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide, I’ll rush across to greet you and we’ll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see. Be patient, live your journey out…then come home to me.
Colleen Fitzsimmons © In memory of Shadow
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@AKM … ah that’s beautiful! I wonder if they do see us. I used to feel Jimmy with me when he first went, and was sure i was getting signs, but i don’t seem to get them any more. Maybe it’s the stronger we get we don’t notice them so much? 
…i don’t know. I just hope he’s still here guiding me.
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Hi Sable loved ones always around us, we just need to be aware of their presence, you would know when they close to you and will receive signs when they think you need one, while talking to them just ask for one!
I am the same but initially has been having signs regularly but now infrequently but surly.
The other day while I was watching BBC one, suddenly my TV screen changed to like YouTube screen from no where and appeared a sentence in big letters saying “ Don’t let me go”.
Last week I was driving crying and had tears in my eyes, missing him badly, my phone was connected to my car, had some music in the background from my phone library, when the song finished all of sudden screen went mad and keep moving forward and then start to play “ stand by me” by Ben E. King.
Now this appears on his facebook page yesterday, I had a bad day, very sad and tearful all day for him.
So I am sure you will have sign and when you receive it, it would be beautiful.
Love to you all.
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@AKM @Sable Good morning, hope you are all okay. I just wanted to add I think I received a sign yesterday from my beloved Alison. I donated some of her flower pots to a local charity and a lovely French lady came to collect them. I told her about Alison and that I don’t have green fingers and the pots won’t be used. She said she uses them to grow saplings. I picked up on this to say I want to plant a sapling next to a bench I have in Alison’s honour on our favourite walk. She said she would be more than happy to give me one and would drop it off. She then offered me a calendar which was a really nice gesture. When I saw it it was full of puffin pictures, Alison’s favourite bird. She has loads of pictures and ornaments in our downstairs toilet which I once named the “puffin room”. I am convinced this was a sign that Alison approved of me donating her flower pots. I was close to tears when the lady gave me it and had a huge knowing smile at the same time. It made my day a little easier 
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@Stuandali. Wow, that’s definitely a sign 
that must have really made your day!
I had lunch yesterday with Jimmy’s best friend and his wife. It was so lovely as we just talk about Jimmy and there’s always new stories told that iv not heard before.
Next Saturday I’m going to the little spiritual church in Windsor for a one to one sitting! I hope so much that Jimmy comes through, I’ll let you know!
Last night i was watching TV in bed, i turned it off but then about 2 mins later, it came on again …maybe that was Jimmy having a laugh! 
Keep looking out for the signs x
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Hi @Sable @AKM just wondering how you are all doing. It’s been very quiet recently.
I’ve taken some time off work to do stuff for Alison. Today I’ve made a raised bed and planter and put them beside the bench I got in her honour on one of our favourite walks. So many people walking past commented how nice it looks and seemed genuinely interested in knowing about Alison. This has given me a wee lift no question. With the better weather now it’s nice to get out and do more.
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