Hi @Sable , I still have all my husband clothes, over two years , I wear his socks everyday , I ended up with a hole in one pair , I cried and cried over a bloody sock , I was going to darn it , but could imagine my husband saying WTF , I never darned socks for him , I know I have lost the plot. 
Xtake carex
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That made me smileā¦ when i was taking the clothes for Jimmy to wear to the funeral place, i was cleaning his shoesā¦ which i NEVER didā¦ and even ironed his underpants! 
ā¦ heād have been giggling and saying WTF too!
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Deb5 my wife passed away on 3rd of November after suffering a massive heart attack right in front of me on 26th of October. Iām still struggling to take it all in and stuck with terrible images of having to conduct CPR on her until paramedics arrived. 
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Sable, Iāve still got all of my wifeās clothes and felt immensely guilty for hanging some of her jackets in a different place to make room in a understairs cupboard. It felt like I was accepting she had gone and wasnāt coming back and it was a really bad day thereafter.
The biggest thing Iāve done is raise money for the hospital ICU and I promised Alison I would take it in before Xmas.
The drive to the hospital was a blur, I even missed the junction off the motorway.
The walk in to the ward was like walking through treacle then when I got there I met one of the senior nurses who had been so supportive. I just broke down and cried and she hugged me and said the staff had made a connection they donāt normally do with family which was a comfort.
She was overwhelmed when I presented her with Ā£2000 to go to the ward. I cried again before I left. The walk out was as bad and the drive home no better. But I did it for Alison and she would be so proud of me for doing so. X
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Hi everyone so pleased to hear from all of you, Iām going through similar tough time. Feels like people are scared calling me, donāt know what to say and ended up giving me lecture about philosophy of grief! Most of the time when talking all I hear mumbling and lips moving, Iām not interested in all that, none of that will make my grief easier. I actually feels worse as moving forward, I feel stranger in this world now, everyone seems happy but Iām donāt even know what does happiness means anymore.
I am doing same stuff like Dave passed on, I am wearing his same T-shirt he was wearing just before, donāt want to change it, wearing his lounge trousers and his gown all the time. Iām still awake till 4-5 in the morning then staying in bed till late, canāt seems to find any purpose in all this. All evening watching after life on Netflix repeatedly with a glass of wine and cry, also watch Daveās last birthday video everyday to hear voice and see him moving around.
Iām going back to work as a phase return end of January but I know itās gonna trigger my grief badly. He always asked me to call him when I get to work and when Iām leaving, if Iām late even 5 minutes heāll get worried and call me to ask where you, how long you gonna be, this little things will trigger my grief once I go back. I still call him anyway, been to local co-op to get a couple of things and then will call him from there, ā Iām in co-op, is there anything else you want?ā, just crazy. I send him Christmas and new year wishes, keeping his facebook page going.
Listening to all of you make me feel comfortable and feel at least you guys know what grief or losing your love one means and all this ok to feel like that regardless how long it takes!
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Good to hear from you AKM.
Grief is immeasurable and will always be around us.
Itās how we deal with stages of grief that is important I think.
Seeking professional help is my chosen route for now based on recent experiences.
Iāve been keeping busy by walking and have met up with close friends to walk and talk, mostly about nothing but sometimes about Alison. It helps free my mind and I guess is a distraction of sorts. My friends and family have been very supportive and has helped me.
Aliso will always be around me watching me and making sure I do the housework the way she would do it. Make sure the washing and ironing are done too and of course cleaning the toilet and bathroom. Making sure I put bleach in the toilet after cleaning to keep to her standards. All of this I am doing with her in my thoughts thinking Iād better do this right.
Take care and look after yourself and small steps day by day is the way Iām doing it x
Aw ā¦so sorry for your loss 
its truly awful i know losing that person you love just take it day at a time , hour at a time if you have to. Theres no pain like it is there? My husband passed last xmas 2022 and i find this xmas a lot of the feelings of loss have come back up again. Did well.in the summer. Made some really nice dog walker friends but i feel i have gone backwards recently ! Im finding it really tough too xx
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I also raised money for the Stroke unit where Jimmy wasā¦Ā£1600ā¦ he would have been so pleased id done that.
I talk to Jimmy all the time @AKM ā¦i tell him where Iām going when i leave the houseā¦i tell him when Iām homeā¦ iv been searching on my phone for odd videoāsā¦ just to see him and hear himā¦i donāt seem to have as many as i thought i did. I only with id saved all the voice messages on my phone, but you donāt think of that at the time do you 
ā¦ so grateful for all the support on this little group.
Where are you all?.. Iām in Iver Heath, which is about 4 miles from Windsor in Buckinghamshire x
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Itās a wonderful thing to do for your loved one to raise money for a charity or a good cause, all this act of goodness will help for your loved one.
Iām currently in Huntingdon Cambridgeshire, but we were planning to move to Devon next year, He is from Portsmouth and always wanted to live around that way close to water, Devon always been his favourite place, so Iām going to do that for him, may take a little longer now.
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Well done Sable. These things we do all add up and mean a lot.
Our loved ones would be so proud Iām sure. Iāve done exactly the same looking for videos just to hear Alisons voice one more time. I too tell her where Iām going, who I"m meeting, what Iām doing etc. It helps me no end.
And yes yourāe right we never think of these things sadly I am also grateful for the support from you all, being able to share thoughts, feelings, emotions with strangers is uplifting I think. It is for me anyway.
Iām just about 20 minutes North of Edinburgh. My wife was born and raised in London before moving North with her parents as a teenager where she lived the rest of her life x
I also raised Ā£500 for a local woodlands group where Alison and I loved to walk of a weekend. The group intend putting a bench in for me along with a picnic table I can take the grandkids to in the summer. I am also getting to put an engraved plaque on the table once its installed. x
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@Stuandali
I plan to have some trees planted by the Woodland Trust and a memorial bench near them. My husband spent his adult life heavily involved in photography and trees were a favourite subject for which he won many awards. Unfortunately they arenāt going to be in an area particularly close to me, unless I can find a better means to do it, but at least Iāll know theyāre there.
I live in South Lanarkshire, about an hour from Edinburgh.
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That is a really good idea @Mist2. I have sponsored a tree in a forest about 20 minutes drive from my house and plan to walk there soon to put something on a tree in the forest. Every little counts I say. If it is something your husband loved doing even better.
My wife has since retirement been making her own clothes, jackets, bags, hats, you name it. I am going to donate loads of surplus fabric, material to a sewing shop in town that she visited often. The owner was devastated when I broke the news of her passing. I have also given our Niece her sewing machine as she is currently studying home economics at Uni and will benefit from this. She was over the moon when she got it for xmas. Alsion would be delighted to know this too as she used to talk to our niece all the time about her studies and was keen to help her any way she could. x
Where i had Jimmyās service was within woodland, when we were in the service a deer made an appearance, it was so lovely as Jimmy loved the outdoors. At Greenacres where the service was, you can have engraved bird boxes put up, i ordered one yesterday ā¦ theyāre lovely
And you then choose what tree you want it on. Heād love that
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These are all such positive things that Iām sure will be giving you a lot of comfort. I would also like to have some reminder of him somewhere on the Clyde walkway, itās very close to us and he walked all of it to Glasgow, a section at a time and he loved it. But I think that councils are less amenable to memorials nowadays, so that might not be possible. Mentioning fabric, Iām having a Memory Bear made using some of his clothes. I canāt bear to part with them but as daft as it seems at my age, I would love to have reminders of his favourite things in such a nice way. Or maybe Iām just losing the plot! X
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@Sable
What a lovely idea. Itās a beautiful bird box. How lovely to see a deer during the service, these things bring so much comfort.
Itās so sad that weāre all in this situation, wanting to find ways to pay tribute to the people we loved so dearly. X
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@Mist2 ā¦i think so these little tribute things are what keeps us goingā¦ and makes us feel closer to those weāve lost.
Thankyou for everyone on this little group, it makes me realise Iām not alone going through this xxx
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How wonderful it is, itās amazing bird box and what an idea.
I never done anything like that, Iām still waiting for his ashes!
I donāt know how and what I can do to raise money for a charity and all this ideas of keeping memories alive, I had to ask you guys to give me advices.
Love you all.
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I dont think any of us are losing the plot @Mist2. Itās part of the grieving process we are all in but at different stages of. My daughter lost her grandmother in February and my wife made a memory cushion out of her clothes that she has given to her grandad.
Regards reminders in public places, It would be worth asking the local council first off. If you donāt ask you donāt get as they say. Failing that is there any local groups you could contact?
My issue with a local memorial where I live is vandalism. Sad but true Iām afraid. So my local woodlands group do some great work and people tend to respect what they are doing more (mostly). x
Thanks @Stuandali
Iāll check it all out, itās giving me something to focus on and plan for. Otherwise life seems so empty now, a void where there used to be things to do together, even if it was mundane things like shopping.
Like you, I feel him cheering me on, if not having a chuckle to himself whenever I have to tackle something practical that he always dealt with. I feel so inept with technical things. I feel for you returning to work, Iāve been off since Sept and Iāll also have a phased return but Iām dreading it in case I canāt cope.So hard to accept what has happened to us all. X
Love to you too @AKM
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