No problem @mist2 I find focus helps me get through some of the rough days. Days when I feel empty. Even a letter in the post that I can file away in a special folder I’ve created it gives me something to do.
I’m now going round the shops looking for bargains and watching the prices of things that Alison would always be so good at. These are steps we have to take in our new “normal” as we find our feet on our journeys.
Keep doing what you’re doing and although our grief doesn’t reduce I think we learn to grow around it if that makes sense x
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@Stuandali
Yes it does make sense. I start counselling next week and I hope it helps me to deal with the flashbacks and nightmares, and then I might feel I’m making progress. I hope it helps you too x
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That’s what is bothering me… the flashbacks!..i keep reliving that night and wish I’d done things differently. I’m full of regret that i didn’t say certain things and that i didn’t realise what was happening. Everyone says how could i have known… I’m not medically trained , but it’s bothering me a great deal.
Iv started going for walks… or try to if the weather lets me and listen to audio books… just to stop me thinking about it!
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@Sable
I know how you feel. Every Saturday I relive everything and I torment myself with what might have been different if I’d gone out to the garden sooner, or if I’d cut the grass instead of Hunter, and whether he had shouted for me and on and on and on. But the flashbacks are random at all times of the day and the nightmares have got worse again since Christmas and the New Year. I didn’t expect to be offered counselling this quickly (4 months) as I’ve always been told that it’s usually after 6 months for 2 reasons. One being that it’s better to go through the grief process during that time and then it’s more beneficial, and also there’s a danger that friends and family back off a bit because they think you’re now being looked after and you don’t need them so much. My appointment is described as Early Intervention, maybe it’s because of the trauma. Anyway, I hope it helps but it’s over the phone and it would have been better face to face, but I’m grateful to access it. I didn’t ever think that I would need to access services like this, but grief is far more profound and complex than I had ever imagined.
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@Mist2 @Sable @AKM @Deb5 @Broken2222 I had 2 pieces of good news today. Well good in some respects. I have my first face to face counselling session on 18th of january with the same counsillor I saw in the summer for my work related stress issue. The second is that I received in the post a ring I have had made with some of Alison’s ashes set in to a diamond sprinkled resin with 4 stones representing our 4 grandchildren. This gave me a lift today and I am now wearing the ring with pride, having shown it to Alison earlier. This to me is a small but positive step forward on my journey.
Like you all I have flashbacks to the fateful day and tonight I had a good chat with my daughter about Alison and how it still doesnt seem real and so unfair. We had so much left to do together. 
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Stuandali this is beautiful ring and I’m very happy for you, definitely uplifting for you. Hopefully counselling will continue to supply you. Alison would be proud of you.
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@Stuandali ,oh my how beautiful your ring is , what a lovely heartfelt thing to do, now not only are you carrying your beautiful wife in your heart, you have a piece of her with you always. Yes wear it with pride . absolutely lovely …Hope the counselling does help . Good you are able to chat with your daughter. You are so right , it’s so unfair , we still had a life to live ,fun to have and a lot of love still to give . Thank you for sharing picture of gorgeous ring xtake carex
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Aw bless you … how lovely xxx
My daughter had a pendant made for her and my granddaughter with my husbands ashes ! Im happy enough wearing his wedding ring on my right hand finger. Xxx
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@Stuandali , what a beautiful ring and such a lovely tribute. It will give you so much comfort. I think the only thing I can do is have his wedding ring resized to fit me.
It’s also good news that you will be seeing the same counsellor, you’ll have established a rapport already which is great.
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@Stuandali … the rings beautiful.
I’m starting back at work tomorrow 
… I’m dreading it but think it’ll do me good and give me something else to think about. I only do 2 days a week so hope it goes ok! At least I’ll be talking to others instead of being alone in the house, talking to Jimmy.
I noticed today the daffs are coming through in the garden… I’m desperate for spring. I’m sure that’ll make me feel better too. It’s still a struggle!
I hope the counselling goes well… there’s a grief support group next Saturday where i had the service … its just a coffee morning for an hour or so, i might give it a go. Plus it’s in the lovely woodland, so if too much i can go for a walk!
Keep going everyone… we’re strong and can get through this 
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Are daffs starting to come through ? How lovely … will have a look in my garden … i agree i think springtime will help with our grief … the winter has been truly awful this year - its not helped ! xx
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Well… so much for my first day back to work…i got made redundant!.. talk about kick you when you’re down!.. I’ve never been so low and broken in all my life. I’ve nothing… no Jimmy, no life, no job just nothing to look forward to … I’m so friggin sad.
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Oh no !! Might be for best though … you can concentrate on yourself instead… but know what you mean it feels like the world is against us !!! :(;big hugs xxx
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@Deb5 …i don’t know what to do though to concentrate on myself 
… how do i get through this and move on??
I never in a million years thought I’d ever be and feel like this… my best friend, who sadly died last year from MND, used to call me Tigger, because ialways bounced back no matter what life threw at me. I’ve lost my bounce! 
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Oh wow, thats not good. How un tactful of your employer is all I can say. Focus on whats ahead of you and if you can, take time to evaluate and hopefully the next venture is just around the corner. In the meantime keep talking on here and we will try to lift your spirits. Fresh air is good. If you can, I would say get out walking. I am trying to walk every day, either on my own or lately with some old school friends. Walking and talking is a good tonic and helps me for sure. x
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@Sable your employer must be mr Scrooge . Kicking you when you are down is disgusting. Dust yourself off and I’m sure you will find a job where you are valued and very comfortable at this stage of your grief my love
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@Stuandali …thankyou… now the rains hopefully easing i will go back out for walks…I bought some ear pods and been listening to an audio book to stop me thinking about things.
It’s just one thing after the other… i feel that I’ve nothing to look forward to atm.
Sorry everyone, I’m just having a down day x
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Hi Sable I am so sorry and surprised how heartless one can be. They should be ashamed of their action. You have a family here, just stay in touch and whenever feels down just come back here. Who knows may be something better waiting for you, all happens for a reason.
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