@Sable well done on the drawers. The cement must have been difficult to deal with
Absolutely the feeling of guilt of you go on a night out and enjoy yourself, even briefly , is common.
I’ve tried to keep myself busy and have enjoyed myself sometimes, but the guilt when I get home is overwhelming. I can’t suggest how to deal with it because I don’t.
But do go on your night out.
Hi @Sable its always hard when you decide to do something regarding clothes and personal effects. Personally all Iv’e done so far is put some of Alison’s jackets in the loft to make room for my daughter’s jackets as she has moved back in with me for now. She is a star and has been very supportive.
I can’t bring myself to do any more just yet and don’t know if I ever will to be honest.
I have my first counselling session tomorrow through my work. I have written a list of how I feel, both negatives and positives which I want to share with the counsellor.
It’s really good that you are meeting friends. That will give you a lift for sure. Iv’e been walking with a few close friends and have just reached 100 miles walked since 2nd of January, a mix of solo walks where I can be alone with my thoughts and others where we walk and talk.
Iv’e had a lot of emotions and guilt is a big one too. I know exactly what you mean but if you are reading the same Julia Samuals book as me (Grief Works) then she talks about this in depth. I also caught a podcast with Gabby Logan where Julia was a guest. Again she covers the emotions we go through and explains how to deal with them.
My next big step is to return to work full time from next Monday after two weeks of a phased return.
Iv’e also booked a staycation of a two night break in a hotel with Spa etc not too far from home so that if I feel its not right I can come home. This was after getting some advice from Alison’s best friend of 45 years who lost her husband last year. She said it would be better than booking a foreign short break where if you cant deal with it you can’t just come home.
If I was you I would go on your night out, and if you cant cope, then come home.
I have been trying to get back into a routine too which helps put my day together. I’m up for work at 5:30am so early to bed again too.
I also booked a video call with Sue Ryder but it advised there is a waiting list and could be a couple of months wait.
Stay strong and as you say just take small steps and each day at a time.
I talk to Alison every morning and light candles when I get home. I talk to her at bed time too and cuddle a T Shirt with her favourite perfume. It helps me get to sleep and I feel close to her all night. x
@Stuandali …wow! You’re definitely doing well and you’re lucky to have such good support from work.
Yes… its grief works I’m listening to…iv been listening while I’m painting and going for walks. She’s apparently one of the godparents to Prince George!
I’ve bought some storage boxes for Jimmy’s bits, there’s so much i could never part with. I gave afew of his lovely coats and barber jackets to one of his sons, Jimmy would have wanted him to have them, but the other bits I’ll keep.
I still talk to him all day and cuddle his ashes in the scatter tube!.. its just mad but just all i can do. Anyway it’s good to hear you’re coping better. We’ll all get there 
Hello
I just read your message.
I felt so sad reading your and felt the pain your going through as I lost my wife in November 23
Like you I get it all the time people saying you’ll get better in time but your right.
I want to feel the pain because it keeps me close to her.
She too was my everything and when they put her to sleep in the hospice I cried like a baby. It really hurt bad, and still does.
Mad as it sounds reading your story only helps that I’m not alone.
Thank you. T x
Had my first counselling session yesterday. Wow it was tough. I thought I had spoken through my wife Alison’s sudden heart attack and subsequent passing enough that I was able to cope with but yesterday I broke down several times. Each time my counsellor stopped me and told me she wouldn’t let me over stress my nervous system and so talked me through breathing and distraction techniques, focusing on something in the room, going deep in to the object, almost dissecting it each time. This works for me and I was able to carry on again. Next week we will focus on releasing the stress and shock of losing Alison and then work on letting my mind and body grieve properly.
I took a lot out of the session and will continue to work with her in the coming weeks.
Normal will never be normal again but there is a “new” normal out there somewhere. Like you all I am only at the beginning of this journey and I know there’s a long way to go. Hopefully we can work on piecing my emotions together to help make sense of them.
I wish you all well on your own journey and take care. X
@Stuandali … its sounding like you’ll find it really helpful… you’re very lucky to be getting the support.
Iv had a terrible day today…i went out to Sofology as we were looking at sofa’s before Jimmy had his stroke, I got there but had to come home and just cried. Iv done nothing all day, just sat in his sweatshirt watching rubbish on TV! I don’t know who i am anymore, this certainly isn’t me!
But, hey ho, tomorrows another day and springs just around the corner, I’m just praying things will improve with the weather!.. but well done you for getting through your first session 
Yeh indeed ! Its like that some days isnt it ? I had a rotten day today … been crying a lot … some days its just like that isnt it ! Yeh we were gonna get a new sofa too but just havent got energy to go to a sofa shop… decided to decorate instead and its keeping my mind busy tbh…winter is so hard without them here isnt it ;( long days being in house alone … i got a lovely puppy called lucy but still i miss him xx
Sorry to read this @Sable ive had several days like this too.
Yes the counselling is helpful and was organised by my occupational health department
I’ve been meeting friends and going for long walks. Yesterday we had 6 people out together, old school friends going way back to primary school days. I’m very lucky to still be around these guys.
Fresh air even though it’s cold is such a tonic and I feel so much better for it.
I also walk alone which gives me time to think and process my emotions and so far I’ve walked 120 miles this month.
If you can, try and get someone to go with you for the sofa. Just so you have company if that is possible.
Sending supportive 
Hugs to you William112
I hope you’re ok x
@AKM …i was just wondering how you’re getting on…i know you lost your husband just a week after i lost mine. Xxxx
Hi Sable thanks for your message, I have been very down in my grief, can’t see any way out. People seem to be drifting away, busy in their life. I myself stopped talking to people, they are expecting improvement, like I am ill!!
Started to feel embarrassed talking to people now about my grief, so spending most of my time with Dave, he is the only one who understands me and my pain.
I received his ashes last Friday, which triggered his time in hospital and all the trauma, specially some lack of care by a doctor, for which a complaint has been made.
I feel like my whole trauma returned and getting panic attacks about what happened in the hospital and this doctor face keeps coming in front of me, like PTSD!
I have lost significant amount of weight, over 10 kg in 6 weeks!! Not too concerned at the moment but feels very weak. I can’t wait to reunite with my dear darling.
I watched grief work live talk, don’t have their App, not sure if anyone using it. Tried counselling but felt all scripted, so coming here talking to you all and to Dave gives me more comfort than anything else.
Hope everyone ok, you are all wonderful souls.
@AKM I’m very sorry to read of your struggles and feel your pain.
If I can offer any advice based on my experiences I would say please don’t shut yourself off from others. I know how hard it can be but our mental state can be stimulated by fresh air, going out for walks has helped me and I feel better for it. When you picture the face of the doctor, try a distraction technique like focusing on something, anything and break it down slowly going deep in to whatever it is. I’ve stared at pictures, taking in individual colours or even go round the room taking everything in. Breathe slowly and focus. If you can do this you will feel the pain lessen each time. If you need to go back and do it over and over, keep doing it. Also focus on all the good times you had together and most importantly stay strong. You need to eat to give you energy so don’t starve yourself. I hope this makes sense and can help you x
Hi everyone, I hope you are all ok. Ive decided to decorate my living room as it was on the list of jobs left for me to do, we only moved here in April and the place needed a few things doing but unfortunately he never got to do them or see the work after I have had it done. The list has about 10 jobs on and im working my way through it. I went wallpaper shopping and the assistant in the store must think I’m mad as i stood holding it up asking Rob ( who in my head was there) what he thought of it. It seems wrong in one way to do the changes but then I think what would he have done, and I know he would be saying, “Get it sorted and enjoy the life you still have.”
Thanks Stuandali I do try to go out for a walk around, also doing meditation daily. I will definitely follow your advice.
I do try eating but once start eating feel guilty, I know got to eat to keep going. I have to do it for him and to complete our plan.
Once again thank you for a kind words and advice.
@AKM … I’m so sad to hear of your struggling, though feel like we’re at the same place atm! I went out with friends on Tues for a meal, though didnt even make it to the restaurant as had a big anxiety attack and was physically sick!.. they had to bring me home, i felt so stupid 
I’m just bumbling along day by day and can’t see anything to look forward to.
I’m getting the house painted next week, something that we’d been planning but dreading the upheaval… ive bought the light Jimmy wanted for the landing so that’ll go up once it’s done.
I’ve lost a stone in weight too… not that i mind but just can’t be bothered to cook for myself. I think I’ll go for a walk later and now just can’t wait for the weather to improve and the lighter evenings. I’m sure that’ll help as, atm just find myself going to bed at about 8pm as can’t bare to sit alone downstairs.
Ibought Grief works audio book and one called Moving Forward but they’ve not helped. I just want to see someone 1 to 1 but everything seems to be online!
Stay strong … we’re in this together… and got to get through it xxxx
I totally get that bless you, we all on a same boat here. I’ve few hiccups at home recently, first problem with heating, now due to storm my fence broken and got someone coming today to have a look, juggling with bills. Before Dave took care of billings stuff I wasn’t involved, now suddenly council bill deadline due to unpaid bill, I did not even know. It’s like everything falling apart, certainly could do without all this hassle. Trying to find my way around.
@akm… well I’m here any time you need a chat… we all are xxx
My Jimmy was a fencer! Iv had loads of calls the last few weeks from people looking to have their panels put up due to the wind… its been quite upsetting, but then nice to know he’s been recommended by others.
I so miss him… 
Try and have an ok…ish weekend
Take care xxx
Sorry for your loss, it’s nearly 9 months since I lost my husband and we have just gone through our 1st Christmas without him don’t know how we got through it but my family were there too help and tried to make it as normal as possible. Was told to spend a little time alone with him in his chair drinking his favourite drink and either watch his favourite movie and talk to him this I did , was so glad when Christmas was all over but I’m did it thanks too my family and although it was very hard you will make it too one day at a time
Well… iv finally decided i need councelling as not coping at all well. I’m seeing a private therapist this week… its not cheap… but the only way i can get 1 to 1 help.x
Hi @AKM regarding bills etc, have you looked in to all the bereavement support that is available? When I registered Alison’s death I was advised there is a service called tell us once which takes care of most things. I was also given a guidance note with links to Government sites where you can make claims for financial support. I did this and it has helped me no end. Apologies if I’m telling you stuff you already know, but at this time, every little helps. x