Cathphil
So very sorry for your loss big hugs ,
Lost my husband Oct 2022
Everyone on this group is so kind and helpful
And understand what we all going through ,
Grief is a horrendous journey
I know some days are so bad and you feel you want to wake up to what seems a bad nightmare ,
Take care
Sue x
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I agree entirely with you. I lost my husband of 30 years suddenly 12 weeks ago. It was completely unexpected, he was 60 and I’m 53. I look at other people and I know it isn’t right but I think why are they still alive and my husband who looked after himself isn’t. The thought of living for another 30 odd years without him is too much to bare and I don’t know how I’m going to live my life without him. I feel like a shell, just existing. I wake up each day wishing he’d come and get me.
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Grief follows many paths and we have probably all had those same thoughts “why me and not them”. I know I thought it even before my husband passed away after being told his cancer had progressed so much that further treatment was not possible. I used to feel it was so unfair that chemotherapy and immunotherapy worked for others and not him. And I also find it hard to even contemplate time without him (he passed away in September last year) because every day is a day too many.
You will find people here understand your thoughts and feelings completely and it’s a place where you can be honest without being judged.
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Have you seen the post with a link about how our brains need to rewire following the loss we have sustained? For me it explained why I was so tired all the time.
Until recently I was sleeping better than I did before losing Richard but now my body (brain mostly I think) has decided to revert to the sleepless nights I had before. I still feel tired all the time though.
Hugs
Karen xxx
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Karen F
Totally agree,read that you can get Widows fog, sometimes i loose my thought of concentration,and all i can think about is my husband,nothing else sinks in ,
And i cannot sleep ,
Big hugs take care
Sue xx
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Thank you everyone.
Dear KarenF, I haven’t seen that post you mentioned but will look for it.
You are all right…it’s horrendous that we have to be part of this group, but know I’ve found it , it is so comforting.
I just love the innate trust we can have with each other … Cos we get each other.
Like some of you I too am the first in my circle of friends/work colleagues/ family in my generation to have lost a husband/wife. So they can’t get it, and neither would I want them to.
Hugs to you all 
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I’m the same , we know now how life can be taken so quick & although I’m getting through each day , I just keep thinking ( hoping) tomorrow ‘could’ be my turn & that’s what is getting me through each day R the moment xxx
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My beloved precious husband had Alzheimer’s. So his ending was a long tortured one for him and me. Married 52 yrs, together 57. We had a beautiful loving marriage. No children. We were everything to each other. It will be 9 mos tomorrow that he is gone. By now I feel as if everyone thinks I should be feeling better. I have started saying I am ok when people ask how I am doing. I am so far from ok. I am 75 yrs old, how can I be ok? We practically grew up together. Married at 22 yrs of age. It is impossible to turn around after all those years and simply be ok. Every morning I wake up and tell him we are one day closer to being together. That keeps me going. I am existing not living. But I had a great wonderful life with him. That is over, leaves me with a hollow empty feeling. It is agonizing. My happiness and joy will come again when we are together.
Peace and love, Karen
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I feel for you so much…I feel the same…despite huge support from family and friends the reality is what it is…50 years me and Sandie were as one…now I am one…I can’t see a future. We used to go regularly to Anfield to watch Liverpool and sing You’ll Never Walk Alone with passion…the irony now cuts me to bits…I can’t go there again…
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I took my spaniel to a lovely country park where there lovely lakes and wild life -but the satnav look me a completely different way that I normally go and I got so stressed cos of all the traffic and my dog kept whining and yapping -and when we got there my debit card got stuck in the car park ticket machine -my head was ready to explode -I’m not normally like this but we persevered and ended up having a lovely walk-When I was cleaning g up the leaves yesterday in the garden a little Robin was following me around and really kicking up a racket chirping and so on like he was trying to tell me something and last night I heard Tom calling my name -I think I was dreaming but this morning I woke up sobbing -I booked a holiday in North Wales on the spur of the moment as I felt like getting away -it’s a long way but we went 4 times before and it’s so beautiful-but I just feel everyday is harder not easier
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@Karetired
I usually say, when I’m asked, that I’m ‘up and down depending on what’s happening.’ It seems to explain it better to people as they see me doing things so could think I was ok. As we all know, being ok is not likely for many years, if at all, but I am certainly much better than I was in the early months. I do have a life now but know I will never stop missing Richard or grieving for him. I don’t expect to but I do expect myself to create a new life for me and my family.
We’ll all be here to help each other as we strive to do that.
Hugs to all
Karen xxx
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I’ve been telling people “I’m okay that I’m not okay”
But actually in last few days, even that has been a lie…because quite simply I’m not okay.
And why should I be, why should any of us be.
We have lost our partners in crime, our soul mates, our best best friends, and the only person in the whole world who really truly knew us, got us , and was completely on our side.
So no, we’re not okay. And that’s okay.
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So after losing my o/h 7 weeks ago I decided to be brave and meet up with a newish friend that had kept being postponed for a few months. Everyone encouraged me and despite the tears being just below the surface I got through it. But it’s the little things that catch you out. I travelled by bus and train . In the past my o/h would have asked me to text so they would know I was ok, picked me up from the station, we would have been excited to see each other. Talked about our days and settled down for the rest of the evening together. Today I caught the bus home alone, empty house, no one to share my days news with. It felt like a big cloud descending. I loved being cared about before. I let family know of my whereabouts but it is not the same as that “ coming home “ feeling. Family and friends say “well done, you’ll sleep better tonight” and maybe I would have said the same in the past. But I feel I’ve got to try and look like I’m being brave now when really it broke my heart as I hadn’t considered the coming home part as I would’ve gone out alone before but came home to someone who loved me.
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I know what you mean - i used to take my husband out 4 times a week along with our dog -i hate it that hes
not in the car with me chatting to me- i just put my music on really loud-and when I used to nip out for something quickly he would be waiting at home asking how i got on -I wait in the car now for about 10 minutes before i can go indoors-i put the tv on really quickly as i cant bear the silence-it just feels lonely-i miss him we were together for 49 years and married for 46
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They have some good reads re grief on that psychology today website
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KarenF
Thank you for the link to the article. I just read it. It was interesting.
Xx
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Dear Jan71, I am the same. Just bursting out in tears because I hear music or see a film we used to watch together. Eurovision is coming up - a programme we always watched together (although he was always mourning: oh no not again). He liked to complain about the music, the singers, etc but still enjoyed a few of the songs and performances. I am missing going to the Royal Albert Hall with my husband or to the cinema. Life will never be the same but we are all in the same boat and we all will go through this together. Sending you lots of love and hugs from Anna
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