Hi Zoe 9,
Sorry think i may have missed your message, its just horrendous all the time, the pain my chest and the sick knot in your stomach, im on sleeping tablets but ive tried contacting the GP about counselling, did you have yours through the GP, i just dont know how to live with this pain. Oh that was so cruel for you all xx
Hi it was out of the blue, i feel i need to complain about the ambulance taking so long but dont feel able to cope dealing with it yet, then i feel i let him down.
You have had to deal with so much trauma and grief , unbearable xx
I know its easy for me to say but guilt is a part of grief but youll already know that . Some things are out of our control,how long the ambulance took . Dont be too hasty in challenging the NHS ,it might make you feel worse ,i don’t know. Maybe there will be a day when you are stronger and can do it xx.
It is, its crippling the guilt. why am i still here, the what ifs. Yes fair point, maybe. At the moment getting up is enough xx
Yes getting up is enough ,thats what a professional would say to you . But there is soo much expectation to get up and get on with it through the tears . I would gladly just drive away and never look back ,away from all the familiar things and people and life in general xx
Thats comforting to know thats what theyd say. There is youre right, including work and some people close to me.
I feel like that too, i do sit in the car and scream a lot xx
Maybe ill try the screaming thing ,i only ever cry . Honestly didnt know i could cry so much 
my councillor always says “be kind to yourself” dont expect too much of yourself . Even if you didnt do anything more than get up and function then at least you got out of bed . TBH if it wasnt for outside expectations i wouldnt have gottin out of bed at all these last 4 mnths xx
You are both amazing for getting up dont worry just do you .i tried councilling but it wasnt for me we are all different your the ones that important two years i can still cry drop of an hat baby steps sod everyone you have to try care for you .the stress has made me ill.but im stronger now .today ive gone to dorset with my friends for a few days i wouldnt of done that but sams cuddly toy is with me . And the robins been to visit xxx
My daughter lost a baby in 2017 and shes buried st the local cemetry shes on hill i get comfort there but i can shout and scream there too xx
Thats great to hear ,i hope you have some good days with your friends . You too are anazing ,we all are for jyst keeping going . Some people put some ashes in a favourite teddy ,dont know if you find that strange . Ive put a tiny urn in my car so she can come with me everyehere 
Thats lovely i have a bit made into a ring. And charm on my braclet when i think i get cross the things we do .they should be here. My friend who im with has her mum and dad in her car thats lovely do you work xx
Hi ladies,
No i didnt realise it was possible to cry so much either. No as you say people who have no idea telling you what you should do or feel.
Its so hard to be bothered with anything. Hope you have a nice time in Dorset,
What a good idea,in the car, im having some jewellery with my sons Ashes in.
The screaming does help calm me a bit especially as i feel panicky a lot xx
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Yeah jade wanted us to get some jewellery so ive ordered a ring and a “pocket hug” from “mabel & co” ,you should have a wee look at them ,its lovely . Yeah ive started back at ,im a carer xx
I work r but havent been since my son passed away ,no idea how ill pay the bills if they stop paying me, do you work? Xx
That sick horrible feeling when you wake that panic it does get easier .you wake think your dreaming praying that you are dreaming .remember there with us always in our heart pocket xx
Does it, feel so crippled with it. Yes forever in our hearts xx
Mum A do you have other children x
Oh your very brave going back. Does it keep you occupied xx
I have a daughter yes and two grandchildren, do you? Sorry if youve said on here, im not very good at it.
Feel like theyre gonna remember me as the sad nanna xx
I sound full of gloom but i had breast cancer then my mum passed and ive been lucky i have not had to work. Xxx i used to clean houses i couldnt do it now big hugs zoe xx