Hi Joe, I’m so sorry to hear that your girlfriend died so suddenly and that you had been kept apart all year by Covid restrictions. Guilt and anger can both be very common parts of grief. Your loss is extremely recent and it is bound to be very raw and overwhelming. It’s important to have outlets for your emotions, so I’m glad that you’ve found this site. We have many supportive users who have lost partners, and I hope being able to exchange messages with them helps even a tiny bit.
We had a user called @Lucinda a couple of months back after losing her boyfriend suddenly while he was in another country. She hasn’t been active on the site for a little while, but you can read and reply to her post here if you’d like to try talking to her and she should get a notification: Lost boyfriend in hiking accident / found out via news story
You might also be interested in this conversation where you can find @Lady101 and @Honeybee31, who both lost their partners suddenly in their 40s: Loss of my boyfriend