My own brother in law nor his wife have ever reached out to me to see how im doing. 
..I guess people just assume you’re ok, like we say only people who have experienced this loss knows how terrible it feels..
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Absent, your last sentence summed up my so called life so well.Torture alone, i have no family only distant cousins and never hardly hear from them, i have a disabled sister in law and to be fair to her she is the only one who bothers, and all the decent caring people on here too.Otherwise its me against the selfish, cruel wicked world, dont get me wrong there are still some decent people in this world but they dont very often show themselves.Its a harsh unforgiving world we have to inhabit now.Take care.
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Mark i can so relate to what you say.i am all alone now since losing my dear wife.Its a harsh selfish world out there now and at times like this it really hits home.At the funeral it was all, “we will keep in touch “etc but now nothing, all going on with their own happy lives but one day they too will have to face the reality of what we are going through.i do hope you are coping the best you can, as i tell my wife every night, “I am trying my best”.Take care.
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I so hope one of those caring people come along for you one day!
Meanwhile find solace here I guess!
Sending yer a hug x
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Thank you Absent, i am so grateful to this site, really caring, kind understanding people on here who really do “get it”.
Sending you a hug too, i cant find the symbol,take carexx
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My brother in law and his wife are the same, I’ve not heard from either of them since my wife’s funeral, they’re the one’s I thought the most would keep in touch but I was wrong.
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No I can’t find the emojis either!!!
Techno lost on me!
I like using them too!
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I never thought it would be like this, the pain is bad enough but now having to face all of life’s challenges on my own makes it even worse, they must think I’m coping but it’s quite the opposite, I’m still shedding tears every day and not being able to concentrate at times, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be normal.
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No we are NUTS!
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It is hard to concentrate isn’t..i find myself just sitting in my husbands recliner at times..i need to get up and do things
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Losing our dear wife/husband /partner is the worst ever experience i have had.I have lost my parents , my wifes parents but nothing compares to losing my dear wife so suddenly and unexpectedly, she was here one minute gone the next.I have gone through so many emotions, guilt, anger, depression, exhaustion to name but a few and some of these i still carry with me now after nearly 20 months.Being alone now, just me is so hard, i have never been alone in my life but its not just the loneliness, its the sadness, the emptyness, the feeling of our house no longer feeling like a “home” ,it was my wife which made it a “home”.People think we are coping but it often feels like existing and surviving rather than living a life we so loved.I have got through somehow but its a lot thanks to this SR site and the understanding people on here.no matter how we are feeling this site and all the caring people let us know we are not alone in how we feel.We may physically be alone but we know we can reach out to people on this site.There will always be someone to help us on this awful journey we find ourselves on, a journey i never ever expected to take, but we have to carry on, try our best to face the adversitys and obsticles we will encounter but all we can do is our best.My concentration is nothing like it was and i cry a lot still especially bedtime and evenings , sometimes before i go to work too.I suppose this our “new Normal” now how our life will be from now on.
Look after yourself.
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I’m usually pretty good at concentrating on things but not now, I’ve recently gone back to work and I’m trying to do the simple jobs but I can still get it wrong.
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Dear Angie32
So sorry for your unbearably loss and on going pain! Having just read through this entire thread i was gripped by all the comments, certainly there is plenty of letting go of frustration with other people’s stupidity, I feel the best advice and comfort I have received is from family or friends who have already suffered what we are going through, as has been said no one knows unless they have experienced it ! As is said end of the thread concentration has totally disappeared , another sleeping tablet tonight to try and get me through the night
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Thank you Absent, a good punch is what most of these silly people need. Or I’ll deck you one… lol
Not a good day, tears in the car on way home from work and when I got in, what’s new. Reliving his last days this time last year. I have one truly horrible sister, she texted me last Thu 1st Oct, as a kind of ‘job lot’ to cover her for all the dates I have this month. Saying the same thing again, ‘nobody can make life the way it was when Ray was by your side’, she said the very same in a previous text, ‘we can’t change things now’, ‘my door is always open’. Am not going to go there, ever. Have huge anger over how her and her family behaved at the hospital on the night he died, and then partying the night after. I probably would end up ‘decking’ the lot of them!
Stupid people need a grief manual I think…
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Hi Allison
I cannot understand why people criticise and judge us when we’re grieving the biggest loss in our lives. Our existence is literally upended, but yet others feel it’s okay to talk about how angry we are! Of course we’re bloody angry, we have every right to be!
I’ve found that it’s family who I get huge criticism from. My brother said to me at Christmas time last year, only 2 months after my husband, after asking me how I am, I said ‘horrendous it’s hell on earth’, he said ‘well that’s it now, you can’t change anything, that’s the way it is’. I answered ‘oh I know that better than anyone, how I can’t change anything’. Straight away I got the label, stay away from her, she’s angry all the time. So stay away they did, not even a text until my birthday in June, 6 months later, when same brother said, ‘oh I’ve been to so many funerals, I’m funerald out’. Now if he doesn’t deserve a slap, noone does!
Pretty much done with my 3 brothers and 1 sister from now on. I only stay in contact with my sister who lives in France, she’s great to me.
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Thank you peg im glad you have a sister who is there for you just a shame about your other sister and brothers its a true saying you cant choose your family but problems all started when i got rid of my car 6 months after ian died so i could not babysit 5 days a week the four boys as they live about 5 miles away from me but i still watch the two oldest grandkids who go to high schools near me 3 days a week but my son and daughter in law dont come in they tx for boys to come put when they come to get them and now angry and agressive thats why they dpnt come in its unbelivable it really is
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Hi Fiona
Yes you be angry and yes are right to step away whilst you are so fragile. There is nothing wrong in that, a bit of self protection.
But like me you must feel so lonely when you truly need a caring family member by your side. Not just a ‘tick text’, properly, how I imagine loving families behave completely by your side, staying with you through the evil nightimes, even making you a cup of tea, listening to your tortured thoughts, wrapping you in love. BUT we have to face that, that will never be the case.
My sister sent a text the day before his anniversary, saying ‘thinking of you today!!!’ Almost laughable! I just texted back ‘it’s tomorrow’.
Honestly I have so many things my cruel family have done and said during his illness, his death, people wouldn’t believe. I have always been a forgiving person but enough is enough. Until the day I can be in their company without these memories churning inside me I am keeping away, as I am afraid they won’t change and I am too fragile to cope with them. This is made easier as they don’t make any effort to make contact anyway!
Actually my sister tried to turn my grief on me! Very early she texted ‘ I understand you taking your anger out on me’ NO! She was a C–T! That’s what toxic people do, turn it on you and unfortunately other people fall for their lies too! But I am not in a popularity competition, they can sod off!
Yes we look angry at the world but honestly we have every right. There is no good reason for this evil thing to have happened. Ray like Pete didn’t derserve to leave this early. We didn’t deserve to be left without them.
Try writing stuff down. I wrote letters to him and me! I think it helped a bit! No cure, there is no cure!
Fiona you WILL ride this storm, you will. Nothing is achieved by feeling this distraught, but we can’t seem to escape it!
F–k F–k F–k!!! ‘me being pc there with blanking out letters!’
Diffinately thinking of YOU x
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I had my evil sister in law wish me happy birthday yesterday, it’s no till next she fully knows this. And asked how I was doing? “How do you think? Was the reply. “Your allway welcome to come and stay with us” “why would I do that? She poor evil and a pond feeder! She keeps asking how my husband died. What the fook has it got to do with her? Who asks that question? Not been out yet not had to deal with anyone yet. But any how are you? Definitely getting; a top of the world, absolutely buzzing off me. I hate people.
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Get it out of your head as much as you possibly can.
Don’t allow these secret destroyers not to allow you to grieve.
Your head will overwhelm and I have said this before there is no room for these toxic, non understanding people.
Maybe just say in a calm way ( just to piss her off really) I don’t find you understanding or comforting. Give me space!’ Or the something like that. Walk away for now. ‘No room, no room!’
Big hug x
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Another comment that drives me insane.. Ray wouldn’t want to see you sad, do you think he’d be happy to see you like this? I feel like giving them a thump for such stupid insensitive nonsense!
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