Yes I think your son is hurting a lot and probably can’t handle it but I do hope you and your son make up although they can be a pain in the neck we still love them. To help you why don’t you write him a letter not to send but to put everything what you want to say onto a piece of paper this can actually help. Baz seems he was a lovely man we too are northerners East Coast take care
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@Jennison1946 i don’t want to push or pressurise my son , but at the same time I want answers . We’ve been so close in the past which is why this hurts so much .
Baz was amazing. So kind , funny , thoughtful and he was and still is everything to me . Without him I’m empty .
He was from Scunthorpe and he’s the only person who ever said @ put your leg in bed “ when he took my arm 
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Bless him you’ve got such a lot of memories to hold onto. Infact Scunthorpe isn’t too far away from us we’re in Hull East Yorkshire just outside Hessle.
Our son he is very quiet and has kept it all in, my daughter in law tells me he’s still grieving for his dad he doesn’t talk about him but goes on long walks by myself he’s a person that can’t handle things like this. He’s a strange bloke never stops working just keeps himself busy I don’t see much of him he works near Hornsea on East Coast and lives quiet a way from me although he did want me to go and live with them and convert his big garage into a flat for me, but my bereavement councillor told me to not rush into things so for the time being I’m in my home. Like you I find it so hard to move on without him we went everywhere together he wanted to redo our wedding vows early last year and I wished we had because you just don’t know what’s round the corner. It’s quiet, and so lonely and some days I get that anxious I feel I can’t get through the day and cry every single day but talking too you does help because I know exactly what your going through and there are so many people out there the same hopefully we can all help each other just by talking about our loved ones it will also help you knowing your not alone you take care I’m here if you want me
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@Jennison1946 thank you for your kind words . I’d do absolutely anything for my son to cherish me enough to give me a room in his house ( he’s got 6 bedrooms) . I’m crying here at my dads because I’ve got nothing since I lost my Baz literally nothing xxx
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I’m so so sorry I do hope I haven’t upset you, and I do hope your son does come around one day and realise how much he has hurt you. My daughter said some thing’s to me just a few weeks after I lost Pat and it really hurt we didn’t speak for 2 months I feel our relationship
still feels strained and I certainly know how your feeling it was horrific the pain not talking as well as grieving. You shouldn’t have to be putting up with this what your going through I do hope your okay 
it’s so nice to know at least you have your dad you take care
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Lid77
I am so sorry for your loss!
I lost my husband of 38 years to cancer of the duodenum. Its very similar to pancreatic cancer. Stewart was told in November 2022 that it wasn’t cancer and that they couldn’t remove the obstruction as he only had a 20% chance of surviving the operation. They performed a bypass to help him eat and he started putting weight on. We were over the moon then in February 2023 he started being sick again and losing weight. They asperated him with a tube up his nose to drain the sick and it was extremely uncomfortable bless him.
Surgeon thought something had gone wrong with the surgery so opened him up to find it was cancer and stewart died two days later on the first day of my semi retirement. I was with him all day watching him deteriorate dramatically and held stewart and kissed him goodbye when he passed. I was with him every second.
I am 11 months in now and i still cry almost everyday. I hate my life but i have to live it for stewart and me. I try to do positive things and pat myself on the back when i achieve this. It is an awful place we are in but eventually you will want to live your life for you both. This group has helped me so much, Sending you love and hope
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R0yst0n
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It does sound very similar to Daves suffering. Also thank you for acknowledging my posts as i feel my forum has been taken over.
Sending hope and hugs in return
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@Jennison1946 thank you for your kind words . I’ve had some information from my DIL’s mother which suggests that my son is looking for Estrangement from me ! Yes at a time like this . He has been keeping a dossier on me I find out in order to justify his decision and also to possibly use against me to mount action amounting to harassment. He’s logged every single phone call and text message from me ( even when I been in crisis) since last August. To top this , the situation has made my dad very ill and he had 2 falls yesterday. He refused to engage with 999 on the advice of his gp, so I’m dealing with 111 instead . He banged his head during one of the falls which might have been a collapse I don’t know . The other one was in the street . On top of this he’s being assessed for Alzheimer’s disease. I’m absolutely heartbroken that now we have another crisis my son is nowhere to be seen , possibly divorcing himself from the family . If I see him on the weekend I MIGHT tell him I want no further contact . One of the examples of harassment is reporting me for sending my DIL a bouquet of flowers which apparently caused her alarm and distress . They ought to be dealing with sudden and unexpected death of a beloved partner - this causes me alarm and distress every day . What a mess . My grief is getting much worse . I can’t cope with the responsibility of of all this . I’m being treated for serious MH issues and I’m not in good shape . Why did Baz have to leave me I ask myself. You take care as I totally understand your family situation is making your life worse xxx
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I’m so sorry about your dad I do hope he is ok as for you suffering from MH my heart goes out too you it’s a terrible thing especially with all this going on in your life. We all ask that question why did they leave and get angry at them but we have to realise they were poorly and we wouldn’t have wanted them to suffer Pat was in terrible pain with his leg he just didn’t really have a life. Baz is with you and don’t let this beat you even athough with all this happening too you and the loss of Baz you’ve got this far by yourself as for your son well just can’t imagine how your feeling but at the moment the main thing is you and your health if you need to talk I’m here and I’m thinking about you
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@Jennison1946 im desperately trying to stay strong but it’s hard . Losing Baz is the single most devastating occurrence in my life . I lost mum 2 years prior to Baz and that was dreadful- Baz helped me through this .
I don’t feel angry that Baz left me , although I’m angry with plenty of other things. I’m exhausted from some horrible medication they’ve put me on which I’m now coming off because of the side effects . They are unbearable. I haven’t eaten for 3 days and I feel constantly sick .
I’m angry with myself for not realising Baz was ill despite him not having any real symptoms. His heart just stopped beating and he was gone immediately. The shock has lived with me and always will I suspect . Maybe that’s why my communication with my son has been so poor . My shocked brain just can’t cope with any more . If I don’t stop over analysing things then I’ll go mad . I find it impossible to relax especially on this medication. I can’t wait for the effects to subside. Thank you for asking about my dad . As he’s 83, a few physical symptoms have come to light recently so I’m now worried about him too . The doctor came to see him and referred him to th Falls team . Additionally, dad’s thinking maybe going into residential care .
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I’m so sorry about your dad my mum ended up in residential care she had Vascular dementia and kept falling but I think the time she spent in the home she loved it, thought it was her house bless her. Hopefully when you get your medication sorted to suit you you may start to feel better in yourself you must try and stay strong and eat because you need your health to get you through the loss of Baz, it’s true when we are by ourselves and lonely we do overthink things and that doesn’t help at all I hope eventually that things get sorted especially with your son and yourself and you take care
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I lost my brother to pancreatic cancer, and as our parents and his wife had already passed away, I made sure I was with him. But, same, I’m now so much more afraid of my own health, and the thought of not being here for my 2 daughters. I’m torn between wanting to know if something is wrong, so I could catch it as soon as possible, and not wanting to know. Especially after seeing the awful inadequate care my brother received from the NHS. That makes me even more fearful x
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@Jennison1946 actually dad seems to want to be cared for . We all cared for mum for 10 years and it was gruelling. It wouldn’t work now for dad - in fact he wants to go in somewhere. He suggested it . Oh this medication is horrible I just want it out of my system . I’ve only been on it 6 or 7 weeks so I’m hoping it will go soon . Someone I know took this and said it was hideous for him too .
I don’t feel hungry at all whilst I’m in this withdrawal. I hope it gets better soon because I need to eat I know .
What would help would be sorting out things with my son and DIL . I know this is not insurmountable but he’s so angry with me . I can’t change this but I try
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@Muttii it’s best to know and catch it early, if you are concerned about something
With the wisdom of hindsight, I would’ve bypassed the NHS initially, when they couldn’t diagnose and were taking ages to get approval for scans, and done the scans privately to expedite process - once evidence of disease is presented, they are obliged to treat and refer
I don’t know if it would’ve made a difference or not, given the advanced nature of my partner’s cancer - with cancer time is your biggest enemy and every day counts
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@MemoriesOfUs the NHS is diabolical in these matters . You would assume and expect with the serious deadly nature of this disease they would react quickly . Terribly worrying if you’re waiting for scans and treatments 
@Ladysuisei6 I agree, and there’s no consistency, it’s all luck of the draw
Initially we thought it was just IBS from the bloating but it seemed to be going worse
I asked her GP in the consultation, what else does he think might be causing it and he said he’s going to Google it just now!! That’s when I took her to A&E
Once she was diagnosed, then there was some expediency, it’s getting the diagnosis. Catch 22 - they won’t approve the scans unless it’s considered life threatening, but you don’t know if it’s life threatening until you’ve done the scans
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@MemoriesOfUs thats a disgrace. I cannot believe that a gp needed Google. Obviously just lazy and very sadly your lovely wife suffered because of this sort of treatment
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@Ladysuisei6 yeah I didn’t even know what to say I was so shocked.
It’s one thing to say I’m a bit stumped and I need to consult with another doctor or do some research - that’s fair enough - but to openly say I’m just going to Google it and see what comes up
Suffice to say last time we went to see him
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@MemoriesOfUs well yes I’ve seen doctors who have consulted with another one but to use Google, well it’s not on …….
If you stub your toe or something trivial then you’d be using Google yourself not going to a doctor, but dealing with an unknown quantity that turns out to be incredibly serious warrants a proper consultation. I bet you were really shocked and upset . I’m sorry . 
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@Ladysuisei6 thanks for your support
At that stage we didn’t know the seriousness of her condition and never even considered cancer - was thinking IBS or some inflammatory bowel condition
So it was more “you know what that useless bastard doctor said”
It was 3 weeks later when we got the results of the CT scan that everything just imploded
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